


Are you just in my head? (or are you real?)

by filledwithyearning



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Anal Sex, Anxiety, Asphyxiation, BDSM elements, Bullying, Choking, Dark Dipper Pines, Depression, Dipper almost dies?, Dubious Consent, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual Smut, F slur (censored but its there), Hand Jobs, Human Bill Cipher, Lots of it, M/M, Mental Institutions, Murder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slut Shaming, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Tentacle Sex, Tentacles, Triangle Bill Cipher, Violence, Wax Play, bill is a possessive demon, but also sex, but he gets brought back so no need to fear, i dont even know yall, tbh this is basically porn with a little bit of plot, there is a goal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2020-10-21 15:02:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 50,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20695490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/filledwithyearning/pseuds/filledwithyearning
Summary: Dipper Pines has been struggling with depression and tries to end his life. Bill Cipher sees this as an opportunity to take advantage of the young adult and gives Dipper a deal he cannot refuse. Will life turn out to be everything Dipper imagined it would be after all?





	1. Prologue

Life had never felt more pointless than it did to Dipper Pines at this current moment. He sat on the cold tiles in the tub and wondered what was the point. Why was he here? No one would care if he was gone. Absolutely no one. His sister, Mabel, might be sad but she’d get over it. Grunkle Stan wouldn’t even cry, he’d be relieved. All the trouble that Dipper had been up to lately made his Grunkle angry. Dipper was sure he was looking for a way to get rid of his problematic nephew. 

The faucet let a few drops of cold water fall on Dipper’s foot which caused him to look up. He saw his reflection against the dirty metal and grimaced. Baggy eyes, pale skin, shaggy hair, skinny legs. He looked horrible. It made him wonder if anyone could ever love him. He doubted it. Sighing, he stood up on shaky feet and grabbed the knife that was resting on the toilet. He brought it to his wrist and bit his cheek in anticipation. He pressed the blade in his skin, enjoying the burn that it brought. The feeling made him feel alive. Ignoring the pain, Dipper sunk it a little deeper and started moving it sideways. He could taste blood in his mouth but he kept going, biting harder and cutting faster. His legs collapsed and he fell to his knees with a thud. 

A knock on the door made Dipper drop the knife, it made a clunk against the tiles causing him to jump. “Dipper? Are you in there?” A voice that could only be Mabel asked. Dipper heard the knob being pulled, luckily he had locked the door, but the noise still made his heart race. His head was feeling fuzzy and he tried to speak but the words were gone. He glanced down and saw the blood flooding out of the cut. The sight of his own blood made him smile.

“Dipper! Answer me right now! Or I’m going to get the key.” He didn’t respond. “Dipper!” She was sounding hysterical. He heard her footsteps racing down the hall and then the stairs. 

“Fuck.” Dipper groaned. She was supposed to be out of the house. They weren’t supposed to interfere. He had to hurry. He didn’t have much time. With shaky hands, he brought the knife to the other wrist. He felt dizzy. It was hard to focus but he still dragged it across the fragile skin. A laugh erupted from his chest. This was too easy! In a matter of minutes, he would either be rushed to a hospital or finally be gone. He was only 18 but the idea of living any longer than that made him sick. When he could no longer focus, Dipper dropped the knife onto the tiles. His blood splattered all over the wall and the sight made it more real. This was really happening. It wasn’t another sick nightmare that only ended with him waking up. This was the end. He could finally be free from himself. 

Dipper laid down, mouth turned upright in a grin. The pain made him see stars but he continued smiling, peaceful and happy to be leaving this world. Just as he was about to let himself pass out, the world turned to gray. “No, no!” He screamed and sat up, “This can’t be happening! Let me die! Fuck!” No one responded but he knew he was watching. No one other than Bill Cipher could be responsible for this. Dipper could feel his wrists stitching themselves back up and his blood disappearing. 

“Well, well, well. Looks like someone decided to have some fun without me.” The voice was deep and Dipper could feel the room vibrate from the power behind it. It made him shiver. 

“Why am I here?” Dipper asked the empty room, ignoring the demons comment. When no one responded he continued, “I didn’t ask for you to save me. I was content dying. Can you please just let me?”  
“As much as I love to hear you beg, I can’t let you go my sweet little Pine Tree.” A hand wrapped around his throat, tapping against it gently. “I could use you. I want to use you. I will use you.”

Dipper tried to get out of the demon’s grasp, but his movement only caused more hands to reach down and constrain him. “I’m not agreeing to anything. I don’t want anything to do with you,” he said, glaring at the empty room. “I will never let you use me. I’m not your bitch.”

“You aren’t my bitch yet.” The hands started rubbing his bare skin, causing Dipper to flinch and try to throw them off. 

“Let me fucking go!” He screamed which made one cover his mouth. Dipper bit the hand hard, causing a chuckle to echo off the bathroom walls. 

“You’ll learn your place soon enough. I know that you don’t want to live anymore but let me tell you a little secret.” The hand on Dipper’s throat tightened, causing him to struggle breathing. “I don’t care. Now let’s have some fun.”


	2. How did we get here? (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To understand the prologue and how Dipper Pines got to such a severe state of depression, one must first look at his childhood.

Dipper Pines loved life. He was born to two loving parents and an amazing twin sister that would soon become his best friend. His favorite thing to do as a child was explore. His parents would take him to national parks, the beach, and historic landmarks all around California. When he was three, he remembered running along the beach, waves lapping at his feet. He remembered collecting seashells and eating the sand when he got bored. He remembered making sand angels with Mabel and eating sandwiches on a beach towel. There was nothing for him to worry about yet. 

When Dipper was 10, his parents took him and Mabel to Yosemite for a camping trip. It was a Spring afternoon when they left from Piedmont and their spirits were high. They couldn’t wait to explore the nearby forest, roast marshmallows, and tell ghost stories under the stars. Dipper’s parents were not the outdoorsy type but they researched a few things and bought a book to help them on their trip. They thought the trip would be good for the twins since they spent most of their time indoors, playing video games, watching movies, and worst of all, screaming. A little fresh air always solved things, right? At least that's what Mr. and Mrs. Pines thought. 

The almost four hour trip was exhausting to the parents. Mabel wouldn’t stop singing (screaming) to pop songs and Dipper was constantly yelling at her to stop. Dipper needed to pee almost every hour and Mabel kept digging into the Strawberry Marshmallows, which was making her rather hyper. They couldn’t wait to arrive. 

While the twins were occupied, Mr. Pines turned to his wife and said, “Have I ever told you about my Uncle Stan?” When she shook her head no, he continued to tell her about him. The conversation was boring, that’s for sure, but what intrigued Mrs. Pines was the location of his home. Gravity Falls, a little town in Oregon that almost no one noticed. The town was known for its interesting creatures and disappearances of not only people but entire buildings, livestock, and crops. It sounded like the perfect place for their twins. It gave something for Dipper to research and learn about as well as the opportunity for Mabel to meet new friends. They decided to talk about it further after the trip.

When they arrived, they unloaded all their luggage in a small two bedroom cabin. The floor creaked when you stepped anywhere and it smelled a little like mold, sulfur, and pine. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world, definitely a step up from a motel or tent, but it wasn’t ideal either. 

“Why do we have to share a room, Mom!” Dipper groaned as they opened the door to the smaller of the two rooms. There was one queen sized bed and a small closet. The blanket on the bed was a plaid quilt that was fraying on the edges. It looked covered with dirt, especially the pillow cases. Dipper wasn’t sure that they had ever been washed. He groaned louder, throwing his backpack on the wood floor. 

“Yeah. I don’t want to share with Mr. Grumpy Pants.” Mabel said back, sticking her tongue out at the other boy. Mrs. Pines looked between the two and sighed, shaking her head. She was hoping that they would get over themselves in a couple years. She also knew that they were kids and that this would be the worst they would act towards one another (if only she knew what was going to happen..)

“Kids. You are sharing and that's final.” She told them as Mabel started jumping on the bed, hair flying everywhere. She seemed indifferent and rather occupied, too busy in her head. Dipper opened his backpack, grabbed his notebook, and ran outside, happy as can be. 

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Dipper ran outside of the dusty, old cabin, notebook pressed against his chest and a huge grin on his face. The outside was calling him. The tall bright green pine trees that stretched so far that you couldn’t see anything else except a few mountains in the background. The dirt was a rich brown and Dipper loved the way his feet sounded against it. The smell of pine cones wafted in the air. Dipper felt like this was his real home. 

He sat down on a tree stump, far away from the cabin and in the depth of the woods. He sketched the various plants he saw, poison ivy, elderberries, milkweed, and various wild flowers. Dipper loved how intricate and different every plant was, each having its own originality and colors. He could never get bored of looking at plants. He could draw them for the rest of his life and die happily. He never looked up. He never noticed the dark shadow that loomed over him or the yellow eye that glowed between the cracks of the branches. 

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The Pines spent the weekend exploring caves, hiking up to majestic waterfalls, telling ghost stories over hot coals with sticky hands and chocolate covered faces, taking pictures of breathtaking views and wild animals, and most of all feeling like a real family. Dipper knew his parents loved him but sometimes at home, it felt like they never had time for him. He always saw them helping Mabel with homework or playing a game with her but they never even glanced his way. Being out here with them made him feel noticed, loved, and wanted. He wished that they could spend forever here. No worries about school or work. Only spending time with each other and going on grand adventures. 

Dipper and Mabel were laying down together, looking up at the night sky. The stars were shining bright and Dipper wished he could stay in that moment. Mabel took his hand and smiled at him, a smile that was brighter than the moon. 

“Hey Dippin Dots. You know I love you right?” She asked.

“I love you too Mabel.” He responded, squeezing her hand. 

They glanced back at the sky and saw a star moving faster than the rest. “It’s a shooting star! Make a wish!” Dipper stared at the star, flashing white and saw it coming towards them. It beamed with hope and possibility. Like something could change that would make his life better. 

“Star so bright, please oh please, make me someone worth loving.” Dipper wished in his head, hands pressed together as if in prayer. Little did he know that someone was listening. It wasn’t God, but a demon who grew fond of the young boy. A demon with more power than Dipper could ever imagine. Someone who would surely make sure he was loved. 

“What did you wish for little bro?” Mabel asked, punching him gently to get his attention.

“If I told you, it wouldn’t become reality.” She looked at him fondly, and nodded. 

“You’re right.” They grasped hands again and fell asleep, dreaming that their life would end up exactly how they imagined. If only they knew how wrong they would be.

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“Now kids, have fun and be safe!” Mrs. Pine said as she knelt down to give them both pick kisses on the cheek. “We will miss you!”

“Sure you will.” Dipper muttered under his breath, avoiding eye contact with her. Why did he have to go to Oregon? All he wanted to do was stay home, read on the beach, watch ghost movies with Mabel, and stay up playing the new Mario game. It wasn’t fair! His mom tried to hug him but he slipped out of her grasp, irritated.

“Dipper, please, I won’t see you for months! Give me a hug goodbye.” Dipper caved and let her scoop him up. He couldn’t stand to see her look hurt. She let him go and hugged Mabel. His dad came up and patted his head.

“I’ll miss you, buddy.” Dipper didn’t look at him and instead crossed his arms to let his father know that he didn’t want to go. Why couldn’t they understand that? Would they even miss them? They were probably planning a super fun vacation without them. “Hey, try to make the most out of it, okay? It’s going to be better than you think.” Mr. Pines told him. Dipper disagreed strongly. A strange city that no one has ever heard of? Boring. 

The bus arrived with a screeching halt. Dipper coughed as smoke came out of the exhaust pipe and filled the air before disappearing. The bus driver looked as exhausted as Dipper felt. Mabel grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly as they started loading onto the bus, backpacks on and suitcases in the other. Their parents waved them goodbye as they walked towards the back of the bus. They sat together, Mabel leaning her head on Dipper’s shoulder. 

“Dipper?” She asked.

“Yeah?”

“Things will always turn out to be amazing when we are together. Don’t forget it. This summer is going to be the best one yet. Mark my words.” 

Dipper squeezed her hand tighter and nodded as he looked out the window. Tears were threatening to leave his eyes but he didn’t want her to see. She squeezed back and whispered a quick “I love you” and then they were off. Leaving California in the dust. He’d be back. Three months he reminded himself. Only three short months. What could go wrong?

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As they got off the bus, they were still holding hands despite how tired Dipper was of his twin sister. She had started singing loudly only 15 minutes into the bus ride and didn’t stop at all until they arrived. All Dipper had wanted was to read his book peacefully as she knitted. But of course, Dipper never got what he wanted. He was thoroughly exhausted. 

An old man with a big nose and a gray beard waved them over, “Hey, kids. I’m your Grunkle Stan. Welcome to Gravity Falls!” They filed into his car, nervous to see their temporary home. The car ride was awkward, no one knowing what to say. When they pulled up to the house, they were eager to get out of the car. 

Dipper looked at the house. It was rather large and had the words “Mystery Shack” on a sign against the roof. The shack looked as if it was barely held together and at any moment could crash. It was home in a weird way. Mabel and Dipper shared a room in the attic, a perfect place for the two of them.

Getting used to their home wasn’t hard. There was so much to explore! As soon as they finished a shift at the shack, they would spend the afternoon together in the forest. Dipper had found a journal listing all the weird things that happened in Gravity Falls and he loved reading it and learning more. Everyday there was an adventure more exciting than the previous. Gnomes, zombies, all sorts of monsters. Dipper never got bored. He did feel as if someone was watching him though. Whenever he was alone, he swore he could see shadows of a triangle and hear chaotic laughter echoing around him. 

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“I won’t forget this Pines! I will be back. Mark my words! And when I’m back-” The demon’s voice was cut off as he was erased. He was gone. They were safe at last. But why did Dipper still feel so scared? Everyone was safe. Things were back to normal but nothing was the same. No one could forget what had happened during Weirdmageddon. It was all still in everyone's minds. 

Dipper lost sleep. All he could think about was how scared he was. Scared to lose his friends. Scared to lose his family. Scared to lose himself. He would wake up every night screaming. Bill was there in his nightmares and the worst part was that he was never going to leave them. He may be gone but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. 

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For years the Pine twins struggled. It didn’t matter how many therapy sessions they went to. They couldn’t ever tell the counselor the whole truth. They would be sent to a psych clinic if they did. Mabel started healing when they were 14. She moved on. She still had anxiety attacks but the medication was helping her. She started getting involved in school again. Debate club, fashion design club, culinary, student council, it seemed like she was involved in anything she could get her hands on. She got straight A’s, had so many friends, and even started dating Pacifica which was a surprise to everyone. When they would go back to Gravity Falls in the summer, Dipper hardly ever saw her. He felt utterly alone. 

Ford and Stan had been traveling the world together and told Dipper lots of awesome stories about their adventures. Dipper looked forward to the nights where they would stay up chatting. But when they were gone, all Dipper had was his thoughts. Ford had gifted Dipper a journal for him to fill out. It got him out of bed but it wasn’t enough. 

The first night it happened, it was exhilarating. Dipper had just gotten home from spending the afternoon in the forest researching the unique plants that Gravity Falls had to offer. He sat alone in his bedroom wondering why he existed. He thought about Weirdmageddon and how useless he was. When everyone needed his help, he panicked. They would have been better off without him, right? No one would even miss him. He was no help. Dipper picked up an X-Acto knife off of Mabel’s desk and studied it. It was pretty sharp, the blade was glistening in the sun streaming in from the triangular shaped window. He glanced down at his wrist, looking at the veins that ran up his arm. He looked back at the blade and wondered if it would make him feel better to just cut one tiny little line. It wouldn’t hurt too much.

**Do it. Feel the pain. Learn to love the pain. You’ll feel better. Don’t you want people to notice you? **

His thoughts were screaming at him to try it out. He brought the knife to his wrist and slid it across gently. It stung and he gasped in pain, dropping the knife on the ground. But he felt alive again. Like how he did before Bill. Before all this shit happened. Before he came to this God forsaken town. 

**You love it. It felt good. Try again.**

Dipper picked up the knife from off the wood floor and made more cuts. It made him laugh. It felt like running up the tallest mountain and screaming out to the world. He felt unstoppable for just a moment before someone knocked on the door and started walking in. Dipper scrambled, tugging on his blanket, letting it fall to the floor on top of him. Mabel walked in and glanced at him, sitting against his bed, eyes wild and body covered by his thin plaid blanket. 

“Didn’t mean to interrupt your...uh...session. Sorry Dip.” She said causing his face to flame up.

“It’s not what you think! I was-I was just-” 

“Don’t be embarrassed about it. Just lock the door next time, ‘kay?” She grabbed a pair of clothes out of the closet and a journal off her desk. She rummaged through the papers and sighed. “I swear I left it here…” Dipper’s heart pounded as he realized what she was looking for was in his hands. She opened drawers and looked through them in frustration. “Hey, have you seen my X-Acto knife?”

Dipper took a deep breath, trying not to panic and lead her on to what he had done with it. “No, no. I haven’t. You must have already brought it to Pacifica’s.” 

“Huh. Maybe. Thanks anyway. Be safe Dippin’ Dots!” She winked at him as she left the room. He breathed in relief. Hopefully she wouldn’t think too much about it. Maybe he was safe.

**Continue. A few more cuts won’t hurt. **

Dipper stood up and walked over to the door, locking it. Blood was starting to drip onto the wood floor but Dipper didn’t seem to notice or care. It was a problem he would deal with tomorrow. He took his clothes off and sat back down on the floor, blanket tossed to the side. He began sliding the knife over his skin again, anywhere he could find. Eventually he fell asleep, heart racing and body littered with tiny cuts. He swore that as he drifted off, he heard a voice whisper in his ear, “ **Good boy.”**

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From that day on, Dipper got used to using a razor blade to make himself feel alive again. Anytime something bad happened, he got bullied at school, he made his sister cry, or he disappointed his parents, he turned to the feeling of pain. The voice in his head seemed to egg him on every-time he pulled the blade out and carved against his skin. Soon it wasn’t just a voice he heard. When his hand would get shaky, he would feel a hand wrap around his own, keeping him steady. Dipper would shake his head and tell himself that there wasn’t anyone there, but deep down he knew there was. Whether it was a ghost, a demon, or anything in between, he wasn’t sure but it was there. It was trying to make him feel better, right? He would just ignore it.

One day at school, his bully pinned him against the locker and told Dipper that he should off himself. 

“No one would miss you, pretty boy. We all know you are a f***** (censored cause fuck that word). Everyone sees you sneaking glances at us in the dressing room. If you come to school tomorrow, you will have to find out first hand what we have planned for you. So do us a favor and take care of yourself for us.” The bully punched Dipper in the face causing him to wince before the other boy let him go. 

**Follow him. You have a knife on you. Use it once you are far enough away. **

Dipper was shocked by the voice. Why would his conscience tell him to do something so horrible? He rubbed his cheek, smiling a little bit at the throb that was consistently there. He thought about what the voice told him to do. Dipper really wanted to hurt the other boy but anxiously thought of how easy it would be for the police to connect the dots to him. The boy’s family was pretty well off and Dipper knew that the boy would tattle on Dipper. Dipper decided to ignore the voice for once, shrugging it off and blaming it on his new violence tendencies towards himself. When he was halfway home, the voice said something that made his spine tingle.

**You will regret this.**

Nervously, Dipper snuck a hand under his sleeve to scratch at the already damaged skin. The little bit of pain eased his mind but he couldn’t help to be afraid of the voice. What will it convince him to do? Sure he craved pain but he didn’t want to do something too horrible or noticeable. It was just a small habit, nothing to be afraid of. His breathing got quicker as he started to panic as he thought about different possibilities of self-harm. Blades were the easiest and less painful of the choices and anything else scared him. As he reached the small home, he unlocked the door and glanced around. Fuck, no one was home. It was just him and his thoughts. Alone. He walked up the stairs to his room and set his backpack down. He sat on his bed and continued to scratch the raw skin on his arm, waiting for the voice to say something. When it didn’t, Dipper did something he had never done before, spoke out loud to it. He was still unsure whether the voice was his own or something or someone else's. But, he had nothing to lose at this point. 

“I’m sorry,” his voice cracked because of his nerves, causing his skin to flush a shade a red as he continued, “I couldn’t-I couldn’t do that. Everyone would know it was me and-and then my life would be ruined forever. Not that it isn’t already but it - but it would be worse. It’s just that-” Dipper was cut off, by the voice speaking in his head louder that it ever had before.

**Take your shirt off.**

When Dipper hesitated, the voice only got louder until Dipper felt like he had no other choice but to comply. In one quick motion, Dipper took his long sleeved shirt off and threw it on the floor with lots of other clothes. Dipper crossed his arms to try to hide his body from whoever was talking to him and from anyone that could walk in. His body was no longer the perfect pale and smooth skin he once had before the incident with the knife. It was littered in cuts ranging from small and on the surface to big and deep. Older scars stood out in a white or purplish color while the new scars were pink and red. His wrists had the most, cuts and scars stacked up on each other and crossing over one another. No one had seen Dipper in anything but a shirt with long sleeves since his last summer in Gravity Falls and would never again, if he had any say. Dipper bounced his leg up in down, a habit due to his constant anxiety, as he awaited the next instruction.

**Grab a lighter and a candle. **

“I can’t do-I can’t do that-”

**Don’t make me ask twice.**

Dipper scrambled to his feet and towards his dresser which he quickly opened and grabbed what he was told to. He lit the candle and held it in one hand while the lighter was in the other.

**Lie down on the bed and set the lighter on the nightstand.**

Dipper did so and stared at the flame. It was...beautiful. A symbol of life and protection from danger. But Dipper knew that at this moment, it would not represent the latter. 

**Now, tilt the candle over your chest. Let the wax drip onto you. **

Once again Dipper hesitated, “It will hurt. I can’t. I can’t. You of all-you of all people should know-” Dipper felt a hand wrap around the one holding the candle and felt it tip the candle towards his body. The wax dripped off the candle and onto his chest. Dipper yelled in pain but was quickly muffled by another hand covering his mouth. Tears sprung in his eyes as the hand on the candle continued to pour the wax onto his body. It felt like torture. There was no way Dipper could even describe what it felt like. He used to dip his fingers in the wax when he was younger but would wait until the wax was almost completely cool. It would create a shell that was fun to peel off. But this, this was not fun in anyway. It hurt like hell. The constant drip on his chest gave his body no time to recover. Then the hand pushed the candle closer to his body and let the flame make contact. Dipper was not ready for this at all and bit the hand covering his mouth, trying to use his hands to push the candle away but the hand holding the candle was stronger than both of his. He tried to wiggle away but it was no use. The hand was unforgiving as it held the flame to his chest for minutes, hours? Dipper couldn’t tell. The pain was unbearable...at first. After awhile, the hand covering his mouth left and started to run through Dipper’s hair. 

**You are taking your punishment so well. Doesn’t it feel nice?**

Dipper thought about what the voice said and that combined with the feeling of his hair being played with, let him relax. And as he relaxed, it started to feel good. The hand would alternate between the wax and the flame, creating the sensation of pleasure. The wax never got cold with this method, and it started to warm his body. Sure, he still felt some pain but it felt amazing. Just like cutting himself with a knife, but long lasting and consistent. He closed his eyes, enjoying the pleasure that always followed the bursts of pain. The voice chuckled but this time it wasn’t in his head. It was real. 

“I knew you would like it.” Dipper opened his eyes as fast as he could, but the source of the voice was already gone as well as the hands that were making him feel so good. The candle was blown out and fell onto his chest with a light thump. Dipper sat up and groaned, disappointed at missing the face of the voice. He just wanted to see who was behind the rich, deep, and almost sultry voice. It sounded familiar but Dipper couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Whoever it was, Dipper couldn’t help but to be fond of it. It always knew what was best for him and brought him the right amount of pain and pleasure to satisfy his needs. This day would mark the last time Dipper would ever disobey, in hopes that he would get to see the person who made him feel truly alive. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooooow. it is done lol. sorry for the long wait ( for those who even read my random thoughts or this silly fan fic ) i had a busy few months: practice, finals, holidays but finally i had some time. it is probably trash cause i reallllly need someone to betaread so if anyone is interested hmu! thank you for reading this and please let me know what you are thinking (unless you hate it because then i will probs cry)


	3. How did we get here? (part 2)

Dipper suffered through the last years of high-school. He felt so, so alone. Even his mystery friend did not make his life better with their words of reassurance. Everyday, he was bullied, which only got worse when they found out that he was gay. Of course they assumed, but when someone read his journal and his private thoughts, they connected the dots officially. Dipper did not understand why this bullying continued despite California’s acceptance of the LGBT+ community. It did not make any sense to him but he supposed that some families were still traditional, especially the ones involved in certain religions. His bullies would find him anywhere he hid and no teacher seemed to care about the bruises all over his face. Or maybe he simply got better at hiding them. Mabel’s makeup had a few perks. The voice told him that if he waited, he would find the perfect opportunity to fight back, but for now, it told him to wait despite the urges that were building inside him. Having no friends, Dipper spent a lot of time learning about himself. The ways his body responded to pain, what made him tick, what made him love life, but it could not take his mind off the continuous spiral of depression. The world did not need him, right? He should just disappear, cut his wrists a little harder, take a bottle of pills-

**STOP. You matter to ME. And that is all you need. **

Every time his mind would go in that direction, the voice would say kind words like that. It confused him because the things the voice would make him do were always bad things. It seemed to want him to hurt himself but why would it not want him to go all the way? It did not make any sense to him. But he just wanted that voice to be happy. That was all that mattered. Like it said, it was all he needed.

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“Can you believe it!” Mabel announced grabbing Dipper by the arm, pulling him close to her, “We are officially done with high-school! We made it Dip!” 

“Yay.” Dipper said unenthusiastically, a frown on his face. She had enough enthusiasm for both of them, and seemed to ignore Dipper's annoying response. She pulled him around, parading through the mob of highschoolers, that loved her but hated him. He stood there awkwardly as she talked to all of their classmates, calling each by name and giving them a warm smile. The worst was when she talked to his bullies, he did not blame her-she didn’t know-but it was still so uncomfortable. The fakeness of it all. Why did graduating suddenly make everyone try to pretend things were okay. Nothing about their lives were okay! They were supposed to know exactly what they wanted to do with their lives, what to major in, their future career, where they wanted to live in 5 years, all this bullshit that no one actually had a clue about. Everything about being this whole situation was just so fake. It seemed like all people could talk about were things that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Everyone would die and nothing they did on Earth would ever matter. But instead of complaining, he let Mabel drag him around and he put on his best smile for everyone. 

"Are you there?" He thought as Mabel hugged some random girl he had never seen before. 

**Yes. **

"Can you, I don’t know, entertain me?"

The voice laughed before responding.  **How am I supposed to do that when we are surrounded by so many people? We would make a scene.**

Dipper felt himself tug at his shirt sleeves to make sure they were covering his arms entirely. "Not that way! I mean like, tell me about yourself. I never get to know about you."

The voice was quiet for awhile, as if it was pondering what to say back.  **Hmmm...what do you want to know? That I like the color yellow? I prefer eating meat over vegetables? That I love the forest especially at night when the stars are bright? Or perhaps you want to know what I do when I am not talking to you. In due time, you will find out, I am sure of it.**

Dipper’s heart seemed to race as he thought about all the things that the voice told him. He filed the new information away in his brain as things that he should never forget. He loved learning about the voice. It made it seem a little more human, a little more real. He felt more fond towards it at that moment than he had in his whole life. Sure, it helped him with school work and taught him new things about the world with its extensive knowledge, protected him from aching so bad, and made him feel on top of the world, but simply learning and forming the voice into a character made him feel so connected to it in a way he had never experienced before. He was so deep in thought that he could not even form a response back. The voice had given him plenty.

**Pay attention. Or people might think you are weird. This is a special night, yes? **

With that, Dipper forced himself out of his own mind to look around at what was happening. Mabel was now chatting with a teacher, specifically his math teacher who adored Mabel, but not so much him. Mabel was always smarter, or maybe it was just the fact that she cared about her studies that made her that way. Dipper on the other hand, could not have cared less. They were chatting about Mabel’s future as if Dipper was not even there, which was typical. So Dipper headed off, to go find his parents. His parents were so proud of him, but even their words felt fake. Did it really matter? Was it really that hard to graduate highschool? Sure, he wanted to die the whole time but he had made it through. They showered him with hugs and kisses and apologies from his Grunkles who could not make it. It took Mabel forever to finally join them but once she did, they headed to a nice restaurant for dinner.

As soon as they sat down, their parents attacked them with questions. “So...you both decided on a gap year in Gravity Falls? Are you sure that is the right way to go?”

Mabel shrugged as she pulled a bottle of sprinkles out of her purse, dumping it onto her pasta. “I mean, I think I want to go to fashion school but I need to work more on some projects to create a really good portfolio and I want to spend one more year with Dip before we have to grow up. We don’t have much time left until we will only see each other on holidays.” She reached under the table to squeeze his hand before returning back to her food. 

Their parents looked at Dipper, waiting for him to say something but Dipper wasn’t even sure what he would say. He didn’t want to live to age 16 and now he was almost 18, where he should have an amazing plan in his head for his future. But there was nothing. After a few more excruciating minutes of silence, Mabel finally nudged Dipper’s leg, telling him non-verbally that he needed to say something to satisfy his parents. He cleared his throat before speaking, “What else would I do?” This was clearly the wrong thing to say because his parents exchanged worried looks. Trying to recover the situation Dipper spoke again, “Sorry that was-that was not what I meant-what I meant to say-” All the sudden a voice took over and it was no longer him speaking. “ **I want to devote myself to studying the phenomenons in Gravity Falls. I might even write a few books going into my theories and observations. Also, I know Grunkle Stan and Ford will need help running the shack now that they are getting older so it seemed like the best place to go. It will be good for me.” ** Dipper could not believe what he had said, it made him seem more put together then he actually was. 

His parents beamed, happy that their son had finally found his purpose in the world. “Dipper that is so amazing and you too Mabel. You both are going to do amazing things.” His mom exclaimed, smiling. Their father nodded and grinned at them before adding, “I am so proud of you both.” They continued asking questions, such as where they wanted to live in the future, if they wanted to get married, if they wanted kids, and questions of the like. It passed the time. They finished their meal, paid, and headed home. 

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Dipper sat in his room that same night, packing his things up. He didn’t have much, some books, a few journals, pens, a handful of clothes, and that was about it. He wasn’t like Mabel who had boxes of memorabilia, awards, letters, and so many various knick knacks. He knew he would be helping her once he was done. Someone knocked on his door and he yelled, “Come in!” It was Mabel.

“Hey Bro-bro!” She walked in and sat on his bed. “You getting ready?”

“Yeah. I am almost done actually.”

“Already?”

“Yep.” He paused and looked up at her. She seemed a little nervous, bouncing her leg up and down and chewing on her fingernails, a habit that Dipper only observed when she was stressed for a big test. “Is everything okay Mabel?”

She met his glance and sighed, “I am so nervous that I am doing everything wrong. What if going to Gravity Falls sets me behind in school? What if something bad happens to us again? I know I always say I’m fine but I’m still so scared of what happened that one summer. I’m scared that the people I love will get hurt again. I have no idea what I would do. I just have the feeling that as soon as we get there, something really horrible is going to happen.” She sniffled, rubbing her eyes as she put her focus on the ground below her. Dipper stood up from his spot on the floor and walked over to his twin. He grabbed her hands and waited until she looked back up.

“Mabel. All of what you are saying isn’t you. It is your anxiety lying to you. You are going to do amazing things and that will happen whether or not you start now or in twenty years. You have so much life to live. Everything that happened with Bill, it's over now, he lost. We won. We will always be safe.” Dipper released her hands and hugged her as she cried on his shoulder. His words overwhelmed her as they were perfect in soothing her thoughts. 

After a few minutes of regaining her composure, she hugged Dipper back and said, “Thank you Bro-Bro. You are amazing. You always have the right thing to say.” She smiled wide a him, “One more awkward sibling hug?” Instead of responding, he hugged her again. 

After a long night of chatting about the future, their worries, doubts, and packing all their belongings up, they said goodnight. Dipper walked across the hall to his room, stripped down to only his boxers, and slumped onto his bed, exhausted. It had been a long day of socializing and all he wanted to do was forget about it all. 

**There’s an easy way to do that.**

Dipper sat up instantly in response to the voice and said enthusiastically, “What were you thinking?” His face flushed as he released how quick he was to fall into the voices hands. Should he resist and say, “I’m too tired.” or “Not in the mood.” Was he being boring? Would resisting be better? 

**My dear, you are sweet to think of me but I like you the way you are. You listen to me. I wouldn’t be happier any other way. Now get your favorite knife out.**

Dipper tried to ignore the way his heart seemed to beat at the praise. It felt good to be appreciated by someone. To be noticed. To be loved. He shook his head and reached over in his dresser, grabbing a small pocket knife. It was the perfect size, not too long or short. And it was always perfectly sharp and had a yellow handle with black spirals on it. Something about it made him feel more connected to the voice as if the voice also had a preference for it too. He flipped open the blade, enjoying the shine it had on it. “Can I…?” 

**Go ahead.**

Dipper slid the blade across his wrist, but instead of wincing like he used to, he smiled. It felt great, all the tension he felt that day seemed to wash away.  **Deeper. But not there, you could lose too much blood. ** Dipper listened, sliding the blade up his arm, stopping about halfway and dug the blade in further. Dipper groaned in pleasure, gasping at the feeling. It felt so good. After making a few more cuts on his left arm, he started to feel a little light headed. His hand started to slip, unable to focus any longer. He felt the voices hand take over, creeping the knife over to the other arm. 

**We aren’t finished yet, kid.** More cuts were administered to his right arm, but Dipper couldn’t even focus. All he could think about was how good he felt but how he was too dizzy to enjoy it. The voice whispered praise in his ear, telling him how proud it was of him, how Dipper was so strong and perfect, and it everything he said made Dipper feel so happy. Dipper ended up falling asleep before the voice finished cutting up his arm. But Dipper could have sworn he felt a body pressed against his own and a kiss to the top of his head. 

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Dipper’s mom was sobbing into his shoulder, his dad was hugging Mabel tightly, and it was all too much. It was so overwhelming, He was really leaving. He was going somewhere...safe. He was going home.

“Call every week! Send us pictures! And do not forget to eat!” Their mom was rambling, clearly nervous to say goodbye to her babies. Dipper felt annoyed because she never seemed to care about him until now. Where was all this attention during his four years of highschool (read HELL). But he nodded and gave her one last squeeze before letting go. His dad walked over and clapped his shoulder and said, “Good luck, son.” And that was it. Mabel continued to talk to their parents while Dipper loaded their things into the trunk of their car. She didn’t offer to help but Dipper wasn’t upset, she brought their parents attention away from him. His mom had already commented on his long sleeved T-shirt and jeans and he was not feeling like anymore lectures. Yes, he knew it was 100 degrees outside but no he wasn’t going to put a normal T-shirt on because he did not want to. So Dipper happily loaded the car himself, whistling a Zelda song under his breath. 

Finally it was time to leave. He could not wait. “Mabel, it’s time to go.” She looked at him, eyes wet with tears. She mournfully hugged them one last time as Dipper got into the car, starting it. They exchanged a few whispers and kisses on the cheek before she entered the passenger seat. She rolled down the window and waved goodbye until they were out of sight. Dipper reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently. She continued to cry quietly as Dipper held her hand. Eventually, she fell asleep, hand going limp in his own. Dipper let go and focused on the road.

**How are you feeling? **

“You can read my mind” He responded in his head, not wanting to wake Mabel up. “But I feel great! Thrilled actually. I am so excited to be in the best place on Earth.”

**We are going to have so much fun there together, aren’t we?**

Dipper nodded and proceeded to talk to the voice all the way to Gravity Falls. Talking to it made his heart flutter, but he ignored it and tried to just enjoy the moment. 

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The first few weeks in Gravity Falls were awesome. Dipper got to explore everyday, taking advice from the voice on how to properly kill a monster, information on a monster, or simply how to live and enjoy life. Dipper was so used to hating himself and the world around him that it was exhilarating to ignore that feeling and focus on such positive things. Killing the first monster was hard because he was scared of how he would feel hurting another living creature, but the voice encouraged him and now it was part of his everyday life. He got good at cleaning up the scene so no police would be alerted. Sometimes it was like nothing had ever occurred, no evidence of the creature existing at all. Maybe he was just really good at hiding his tracks (but deep down he knew that the voice had to be exerting some magical force to help him). Every night Dipper still went home and self-harmed. It was a habit, and something that pleased the voice and himself as well. It felt good so why would he stop? The only part of his body not littered with scars was his face, and his pubic region but that wasn’t something he looked at often. Dipper sometimes wished he had more skin to disfigure but he tried to be happy with what he had. 

Dipper helped out with the shack a lot while Mabel was off studying with Pacifica, sewing clothes, or writing her blog entries. He did not see her often but that was okay, he kinda enjoyed the quiet. She was so loud and annoying sometimes. So he worked alone at the gift shop. Scanning items and sometimes helping customers find the products they were looking for. It was a boring job but the voice told him stories or told him facts that he didn’t know to keep him occupied. It was a great way to keep himself entertained during the long work hours. 

But soon after the first month of enjoying being in Gravity Falls, something shifted inside Dipper. He stumbled into a depression that seemed impossible to get out of. The voice stopped saying kind things to him and started beating him down every time he felt happy for once.

**What do you have to live for? You are nothing and always will be nothing. **

**No one loves you but me. They would be better off without you.**

**You aren’t smart or talented like your sister. People don’t want you around.**

**Look at yourself, who could ever love you when you look like this? **

**Even your parents wished they only had one child, they wanted to get rid of you the moment you could talk.**

These words would cycle through his mind, causing severe anxiety and depression. It was hard for him to get out of bed and explore like he used to. He stopped eating and stopped working for his Grunkles. And like the voice said, no one noticed the lack of his presence. Mabel sometimes came into his room to chat about something that had happened that day, but it was boring and Dipper hardly ever said one word. Sleep never came so he spent a lot of time thinking and trying to block the voice out. The cuts on his body became more frequent and much more destructive. It felt so good to feel the pain, to remind himself that he was indeed alive. When sleep did come, he was tormented with nightmares about killing his loved ones or even himself. It was too painful to sleep and he did everything he could to avoid it. He tried to tell himself that the voice wasn’t real and it couldn’t hurt him but it didn’t seem to help. 

“It’s just in my head. It’s just in my head. It is wrong. I’m loved-I’m love-” Dipper would rock himself back and forth, telling himself that this would all go away. He would be fine. This voice wasn’t real. It was just in his head.  **I’m real and I’m never going away. ** Don’t listen. Don’t listen. Lies.  **Everything I tell you is true. You will always be nothing. ** I’m fine. It’s fine. Don’t listen. Lies.  **You don’t deserve to live. You are a waste of space. ** Lies-wait. It was right. It was right. I am nothing. I will always be nothing. His mind was in a terrible cycle of listening to the voice and going against it. He couldn’t understand what was real anymore. Was he even real? It sure didn’t feel like it. 

On one particular day, the voice would not shut up and something felt like it was forcing him to sleep. Dipper, for the first time in weeks, walked downstairs to get coffee, in hopes that it would keep him awake. His body was a lot weaker than he remembered it being, and it was difficult to make it down the stairs without wincing. He peered into the kitchen and when he found it empty, he proceeded to enter. He made the coffee, leaning against the counter as he waited for it to get warm. He almost drifted off when he heard footsteps entering the room. He opened his eyes and made eye contact with his Grunkle. Ford looked at him sadly and started to walk closer to him. 

**Grab the knife behind you. Stab him. I know you want to. I can read your thoughts. You want to hurt him. Do it.**

Dipper pounded this thought. Grunkle Ford never wanted him around, always complaining about him when he was. He didn’t matter to his Grunkle. He would never be as smart as Ford. He would never amount to anything in comparison. Ford would always be better in every way. So Dipper listened, his hand reaching behind him to grab the knife as quietly as he could as his Grunkle approached. 

**Good boy. Do it. Stab him. Right in the chest. Now, before he-**

Dipper’s attention was brought away from the voice when Grunkle Ford started to speak gently, “Dipper. I haven’t seen you in ages. Can I talk to you?” Dipper blinked at him, annoyed at this conversation. All he wanted was coffee, maybe the voice was right. He should stab him, stab him,  **STAB HIM.**

Dipper plunged the knife out to hit Ford but he grabbed Dipper’s wrist, causing the knife to clatter onto the floor. How did he know? Was he being that obvious? Shit. “I didn’t mean to-didn’t mean to do that. Sorry. I didn’t know who you were for a second.” It sounded believable. He sounded honest and real. Ford would never notice something was off about him. Ford frowned at him, eyes drawing together in worry.

“Son, I think I know what is happening to you.” Ford put his hand on Dipper’s shoulder and continued, “He’s back. And he’s in your head.” Dipper looked up at him in confusion. Who was he talking about? Ford read his expression, sensing the confusion in his eyes. He coughed, “This is going to be hard to hear but the person is Bill.”  **Don’t listen to him. He is lying.**

Dipper tried to move backwards, but he was already against the counter, but he bumped it enough to shake him. He shook his head back in forth, hands shaking. “No. NO. Ford, I am just tired. That’s all. He can’t be back. I’m fine.”

“You tried to attack me. With a knife. Why else would you do that if he wasn’t in there messing your brain up. Come down to the basement and I will take a few tests and we can find a solution-” 

“There’s nothing wrong with me! You are lying to-”

“That’s him telling you that. He is making you think that.”

Dipper shook his head again, hands going to cover his ears. “Shut up! Shut up! You are lying to me. Nothing you are saying is true. You just want to have an excuse to mess with my brain. I won’t let you touch me!” Dipper released his ears and pushed his Grunkle away, a force so strong that he fell onto the floor with a thud. Seeing a chance for freedom, Dipper quickly grabbed the pot of coffee and stepped over Ford, quickly going up the stairs to his room in the attic. He could hear Ford stand up, groan, and start making his way up the stairs. Dipper’s heart started beating faster, scared that Ford was going to capture him and look into his head. He ran as fast as he could with hot coffee in his hands and entered his room, locking the door behind him. Ford was only seconds behind, his fist knocking loudly at the door.

“Dipper. Please open the door. Let’s talk about this. I would never lie to you.” 

“GO AWAY!” Dipper screamed as he put the pot of coffee on his nightstand. Dipper started rocking back and forth again, hands going to cover his ears once again to block out all the noise. It was all too much. His body was racked with anxiety and he started sobbing hysterically. “It’s not real. It’s not real.” He mumbled to himself in between sobs, trying to get his brain to shut off. The voice was surprisingly quiet, as if it didn’t know how to address the situation. After what felt like hours, but in reality was only twenty minutes, Dipper finally calmed down, body and mind thoroughly exhausted from the breakdown and conversation with his Grunkle. He could feel himself drifting off, so he grabbed the pot of coffee, and poured it directly into his mouth. It was still very hot and burnt his tongue, but the pain was welcome as he gulped down mouthful after mouthful. He couldn’t chug it all, but it was enough to keep him awake. 

“What the fuck is wrong with me.” Dipper said out loud to no one, “I am a fucking disaster.” He chuckled weakly and walked over to his mirror. The reflection wasn’t him. He didn’t recognize the bony reflection with sunken in eyes, hair that was sticking up all over the place, and thin arms and legs that looked like they would break at any moment. The scars on his body looked horrible and he looked like he just fought in a horrible war, but the war was only in his head. “Bill isn’t back. He can’t be. The voice...it helps me. It wants me to succeed. Ford is lying to me. He is.” He spoke to himself, as if seeing himself saying the words would make them true. “The voice is just in my head. It can’t hurt me.”  **I would never hurt you.**

“You wouldn’t. I know. But, please to just ease my anxiety a little, tell me your name.” Dipper waited, listening for any response. He could hear the screams of children outside, the buzzing of a fly in his room, hushed voices underneath his feet, and the creaking of the wood as he rocked on his feet, but the voice never responded. “Please. I need to know.”  **You don’t need to and you don’t want to. A little mystery never hurt anyone. **

Dipper grabbed onto his hair and pulled it in frustration, legs pulling him down to the floor. “You have to tell me! I want to know. I want to know you. Please for me?” He whispered as he rested his head against the floorboards. He had a feeling in the back of his mind that the reason the voice didn’t want to tell him was because Ford was right. How could he be so fucking stupid? Who else could it be? A guardian angel-those didn’t even exist! His conscience would never think such vile things. How could he be so trusting of a voice that didn’t give him any information about their personal life? It made him so mad at himself. He really was a mistake that should have never been brought into this world. “Fuck you!” He screamed as he stood up, making his shaky legs walk over to the dresser. He pulled out the yellow pocket knife, opened the blade before closing it quickly after. Dipper balled his spare hand into a fist, fuming with anger, at himself, at Ford, at fucking Bill Cipher for messing with his fucking head. He screamed and threw the knife as far as he could, hearing the window break as glass shattered and the knife made a clunk on the pavement outside. It felt liberating, it felt powerful, he felt alive-

**Pine Tree, that was very naughty. **And the blade reappeared on top of the dresser as if Dipper had never thrown it in the first place.

Dipper’s blood boiled more in response to the nickname and he growled, bearing his teeth to the empty room. “Fuck you. I don’t care what you think anymore. I’m going to ignore you and you won’t be able to do anything.”

**Funny, you say that but you are still talking to me.**

Dipper flipped Bill off knowing that he would be able to see it. Then he picked up a piece of glass and studied it. He had really done damage to the window, letting the warm summer breeze flow freely into his room. He hadn’t been outside for so long and he had to admit that he missed it. The way his lungs gasped for air as he ran for hours, the smell of the mud and grass, the ache of his hand as he sat by the lake and wrote page after page of notes, and the sun that shone on him as he laid down in the forest to watch the stars twinkle. For the first time in months, Dipper smiled, happy to remember what it was like to be alive. How good it felt to realize the world just might be good after all. 

**Don’t lie to yourself, Pine Tree. You hate the world a little more than you hate yourself. Don’t pretend that you like living. The world has never been kind to you and it never will be. Grow up.**

His smile faded and he looked back down at the glass, pondering Bill’s words in his head. All of his worries came back to his head. All the moments he fucked up in life. All the reasons why living wasn’t for him. No one would ever love him. Especially like this. It was pointless. Tears started flowing down his cheeks in response and he gripped the glass tighter in his palm. The sharp edge broke the skin covering his palm and a few drops of blood fell onto his black sheets. “Don’t do this to me.” Dipper looked up, revealing his red, splotchy face, with tear streaks down his cheeks, “Why can’t you leave me alone. You lied to me. You put all these thoughts in my head and you made me believe that I could never get better. You made me hurt myself and made me want to hurt others. This isn’t-this isn’t me.”

A cold palm cupped Dipper’s cheek and slowly a body appeared in front of him. The man was tall, with tan skin that was toned, his hair was fairly long, bangs covering his eyes. It was dyed blonde on top, but the bottom was shorter and dark brown. He wore a white dress shirt with a bow tie tied around the neck. He had a yellow suit jacket on with black pants and boots. His eyes glowed yellow as he ran his thumb over Dipper’s lip. 

“Pine Tree, I didn’t lie to you. All those thoughts were in your head. I just helped you see them for what they were. And don’t try to pretend that you didn’t enjoy it.” His hand moved up to wipe Dipper’s tears away and he kissed the younger boy’s forehead. Dipper was in shock, trying to understand how Bill was able to manifest in front of his eyes, especially in a human form. The glass in his hand fell onto his lap as he stared at Bill with round eyes. “I made you speechless.” The demon smiled widely, looking as if he was going to take a big bite out of Dipper. It caused his heart beat to quicken, but he didn’t say anything back. Dipper didn’t even flinch as Bill grabbed the piece of glass on his lap and started to use it to make fresh cuts on his wrists. 

“You were always so sloppy with your cuts, Pine Tree. There was no order to them. Just chaos. Designs would suit you better.” Dipper looked down at his wrist and saw Bill carving a triangle, three lines that stood out from all the others. When he was done he pushed Dipper down onto the bed, glass still in hand, as he made more triangles down his chest and his legs. Dipper winced a little when the glass went over old scars. But strangely, the weight of Bill on top of him was comforting. He realized that he should be protesting, he should be pushing the older man off. But he couldn’t. He didn’t have the energy. And...he liked the way it felt. 

Bill sat up and admired his knife work. The young boy looked perfect. Marked with his symbol, no tears, only eyes full of curiosity. “See, I would never hurt you. You enjoyed this just as much if not more than I did.” 

“That’s not true! I didn’t want-“

“What did I say about lying, Pine Tree.” The demon growled as he bent over and made one last triangle on the boy's other wrist. “There. Now you are even more beautiful.”

Dipper flushed red as he responded, “Don’t call me that! I’m not beautiful. Look at me.” Bill eyed the boy up and down, grinning once again. He licked his lip as if Dipper was his meal, but instead of devouring him, Bill crawled off of him. 

“I have errands to do. Wash up before anything gets infected. Bye Pine Tree.” Before disappearing completely, Dipper saw Bill blow him a kiss and winked. It only confused the boy more. What just happened? God, he was really going insane. He should go tell Ford and hatch a plan to destroy Bill once again but his legs wouldn’t move and he couldn’t bring himself to force them. How did the demon get a human body? It didn’t make sense. 

**Stop worrying about those things. Clean up. Now. **

Dipper ignored Bill, he didn’t want to blindly listen to him. He wasn’t a dog. He had free thought. He’d rather die of infection than listen. He was so mad at himself for listening all this time. He didn’t even question anything Bill told him to do. What the fuck was wrong with him. He shouldn’t have listened to some voice in his fucking head. He’s such a fucking idiot. The sting of the cuts on his body seemed to intensify as he defied Bill. It was more painful than he was used to. And to make it worse, his body reacted in pleasure to the sensation of pain. It was as if his body was telling him to go take a cold shower, forcing himself to listen to the demon. Sighing, he got up and dressed in long sleeves and pants before walking to the bathroom.

**Good boy. ** A pause.  **It looks like someone got a little excited from our adventure. ** Dipper could only imagine the smirk that was attached to those words. 

“Fuck off. Let me shower in peace.” He slammed the bathroom door and shifted on his feet awkwardly, “Can you tell me you are leaving so I can shower without feeling like you are watching?”

**I’m always watching but if it eases your mind, I will be occupied for a little while. **

Dipper took Bill’s word for it, stripped down, and turned the shower on cold. He ignored the cool air against his erection and the way it ached for him to touch it. Dipper didn’t want to give Bill the satisfaction of pleasuring himself in reaction to the sharp pain Bill made his body go through. In the shower, Dipper cleaned his wounds thoroughly with soap, making sure that he got every last cut. He’d gotten infections before and they were a bitch to take care of. 

After getting dressed, Dipper walked back to his room, locked the door and laid down on his blanket, thoughts drifting to Bill. He still didn’t understand. Why did Bill want to torture him so bad? Why couldn’t he have gone for anyone else? What made Dipper so special? And why, why on Earth was the demon in a human form? And an attractive human at that. It pissed him off. Somehow sleep caught up to him and he drifted off, thoughts still on the demon. 

**Sleep well, little Pine Tree. Sleep well. ** To Dipper’s disappointment, he still dreamed of murdering his family but this time, seeing them dead brought him comfort instead of fear.

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“Happy birthday to you!” A crowd of all Mabel’s friends sang the closing words of Happy Birthday and cheered as the twins blew out the candles together. Mabel hugged her brother tightly and gave him a kiss on the cheek before digging into the cake. Grunkle Ford cut the rest of the pieces, handing them to all the guests. He would eye Dipper wearily as he did so, as if he was scared the boy was going to run off. Dipper picked at his cake with disinterest and sat there wondering when this all was going to be over. 

**Happy Birthday, Pine Tree. Try to enjoy it. I have a surprise for you later tonight. **

"Oh fuck off." Dipper thought but he swore he could hear Bill laughing in response. Mabel scurried off after giving him one last hug. Dipper sat alone as he watched her friends interact with each other. No one was here for him. The only people that would have even considered coming were at college or working. But if he was being honest, they wouldn’t have come anyway. No one cared about him. So after discarding his cake in the trash, Dipper went inside and headed up the stairs to the bathroom. 

He locked the door behind him and fell to the ground crying. He felt so unwanted. Why couldn’t anyone support him, not his sister? People only got close to him to get close to her. He really had no one. No one cared about him. He really should just disappear. After taking deep breaths, calming himself down, he realized what he should do. 

Walking over to shower, he unbuttoned his shirt, letting it fall to the ground. He got in and started pulling out the detachable shower head. He pulled it out as far as it could and took a few more deep breaths. This was the easy way out. It was a perfect plan. Carefully, he wrapped the cord around his neck, and when it was properly situated, he took one last breath, closed his eyes, and pulled on the end tightly. As soon as he felt the air going out of his lungs, it stopped. 

“Pine Tree, this is not a good way to celebrate being born.” Dipper opened his eyes and found himself once again face to face with Bill Cipher. The cord was gone and was back where it belonged. Dipper started coughing, doubling over trying to catch his breath. The demon patted his back and led him to the bottom of the tub. As soon as he was able to breathe again, he glared at the demon. 

“Fuck you,” he rasped, lungs still catching up to himself, “Why couldn’t you just let me die?” Dipper started crying again and the demon pushed his head onto his shoulder. Bill ran his fingers through Dippers hair, trying to sooth the boy. 

“I would never let you die. You mean too much to me.” Bill bent his head down, kissed Dipper's forehead, pushing his curls out of the way before doing so. Bill admired the birthmark that flashed at him, the intricate constellation that stood out against his pale skin. “Beautiful.” Dipper was too busy crying to notice the hushed whisper that escaped the demons mouth. Dipper grabbed onto Bills jacket and burrowed his head into the man, eyes watery but breathing easing a bit. They sat there for a few minutes, Bills arms wrapped tightly around Dipper and Dipper sprawled into his lap. 

Even when Dipper stopped crying, he still sat there, happy to be embraced by someone even if it was a demon who once tried to kill him. Someone knocked on the bathroom door, making the young boy jump. “Dippin Dots? You in here?” It was Mabel, she sounded exhausted, “I just need to shower before bed so whatever you are doing hurry up! Also, it was a little rude that you left without saying goodbye to our guests. Try to be more polite next time! I’ll be back in five, if you are still here, we will have to have a talk tomorrow.” He could hear her footsteps leaving and he breathed a sigh of relief. He also felt irritated. How dare she lecture him on manners? 

“Your thoughts are too loud, Pine Tree.” Dipper turned to face the demon and realized that he was still cradled in his lap like a little child. His face turned bright red and he tried to move away but Bill only grabbed him tighter. “Now there’s no need to be embarrassed. You can admit you like me. After all, I’ve already been in your head. I’ve seen all your thoughts and dreams about me.” 

Dipper put up a fight, trying his best to wiggle out of the older man’s arms, but he wasn’t strong enough. The demon barely had to put any effort in, amused that the younger boy thought he could escape his grasp. “Whatever you think you saw, it wasn’t real! I don’t like you at all.” Dipper protested, trying to defend himself. 

“Then explain why you grabbed onto me like I was your mother minutes ago.” The demon grinned in satisfaction when the boy had no excuse for his actions. “That’s what I thought.” He picked the boy up and slung him over his shoulder, the world turning to gray as he did so. Dipper kicked the demon as he was carried into his room, but eventually gave up when he realized that there was no point in wasting all his energy. Bill threw the boy onto the bed and climbed over him, pinning his arms to his side. Dipper looked at Bill in confusion as the world was brought back into color and the lock on his door made a noise, indicating that it was locked. 

Bill smiled wickedly before bending his head down to whisper in Dipper’s ear, “Happy Birthday, Pine Tree.” He licked and nibbled at the younger boy’s ear, making the boy jump, and his look of confusion only grew. Rolling his eyes, the demon breathed out, “You really are stupid.” With that, Bill kissed Dipper forcefully, tongue pressing against his mouth until the boys lips parted. Dipper’s mind went blank as he felt the lips on his own and a tongue licking its way into his mouth. But somehow, Dipper felt desire for the older man. He wanted Bill to touch him more. With that thought in his mind, Dipper kissed back, enjoying the pleasure that it gave him and how it made his cock stir in arousal. 

Just as Dipper was enjoying the heated kisses, Bill pulled back, the grin still on his face. Dipper groaned in frustration, not only because of the empty feeling he felt when the kiss was over but because he wanted more from the demon. Bill chuckled and Dipper once again flushed red when he realized that the other man could read his thoughts. Trying to defend himself, Dipper stuttered out, “I don’t want this. Stay away from me.” That only egged the demon on and he ground down on the boy. 

“You say that, but I’ve seen your thoughts and your dreams. I know you want this and so does your body.” With that being said, Bill continued to roll his hips against the other, relishing in the moans that the boy released. Soon, Dipper’s hips were meeting his movements, trying to create more friction between their bodies. “See, isn’t this fun?” Bill said, with another devilish grin.

Dipper moaned as one of Bill’s hands slid over to his chest to rub at his nipples. He arched up into his touch and breathed out, “Fuck.” It was all too much. Dipper wasn’t one to touch himself at all, so he found it annoying and frustrating whenever he got hard, so this was all new to him. The feeling of another cock pressed against his own, even with clothes in between, created pleasure. He wanted more. Bill must have read his thoughts, because he snapped his fingers and all their clothes went away. Dipper felt embarrassed to be seen by the demon and his hands ached to move down to cover himself. Sure, Bill had seen his scars before but it wasn’t like this. Tears escaped Dipper, flowing down his cheeks and he turned his head away to avoid eye contact with the demon.

“Look at me Pine Tree.” Dipper, not wanting to fight, did what he was told and looked back at the demon, eyes puffy and tears still falling down. The demon released the boys arms and used both hands to cup his face. He used his thumb to wipe away some of the tears and looked into Dipper’s eyes before speaking, “Never be embarrassed in front of me. You are beautiful. Your scars are beautiful.” This only made Dipper cry more, telling the demon to shut up in between sobs. Bill ignored him and started to press kisses down his entire body. 

Every part of Dipper’s body where Bill pressed kisses to, felt on fire. The feeling gave him shivers and made him only feel more aroused. Bill kissed his thighs and nipped them gently, but he ignored Dipper’s plea for him to touch him, and kept going down his legs, leaving wet kisses on the pale skin. All Dipper wanted was to be devoured. He was sick of all this teasing and grabbed Bill’s hair, pulling it to make the older boy look in his eyes. Dipper’s eyes were dark with lust and still a bit red from all the crying. Dipper spoke, words rushing out leaving him no time to think of the consequences, “Bill, if you don’t fuck me in the next five minutes, I will leave to the bathroom to take care of myself.”

Bill’s eyes flashed gold as he looked at the boy and said, “You aren’t going to be able to stop me once I start.” Dipper nodded, showing the demon that's what he wanted as the demon bit the boy's neck, drawing blood. It made Dipper moan, a little in pain but mostly in pleasure, and close his eyes, not noticing the bottle of lube that appeared in the other’s hand or the way that it was poured onto two fingers that started to move towards his hole. Bill sucked and bit on Dipper’s neck, creating as many marks as he could, as he slid a finger into Dipper. The younger boy flinched and opened his eyes in fear, as he could feel a stinging from inside. This was his first time being opened up like this and he clenched around the finger, not wanting it breaching him.

“Pine Tree, if you really want this, you need to relax.” Bill stopped marking the boy’s neck and reached one hand to Dipper’s member, stroking it lazily as he spoke again, “Look at me.” Dipper looked back into the eyes of the demon, seeing a hazy look in his eyes, dark with lust. That combined with the feeling of being touched created that pleasure he craved and allowed him to relax so the finger inside him could slip further in. Bill let the boy adjust to the new sensation for a moment, still stroking his cock, as he added another finger into the boy. Once again, Dipper tensed as he felt the pain but looked into Bill’s eyes and let himself take a deep breath and relax. Soon, Bill moved his fingers inside of Dipper, reaching for the spot that would engulf him in the feeling of pleasure and crave for more. As soon as he hit Dipper’s prostate, the boy writhed against the sheets, moaning in delight. 

Bill smirked as Dipper closed his eyes again, relishing in the sensation as Bill pushed his fingers in and out of the boy. Bill could feel Dipper’s cock twitching and felt the wetness of precome spilling out from the tip. He didn’t want Dipper to come so soon so he took his hand off the boy and laughed when he heard Dipper whine in protest. Dipper reached to touch himself but Bill grabbed Dipper’s hands with his spare hand, clicking his tongue in disappointment, and pinned them above the boy’s head once again. “Bill...please!” Dipper begged, eyes opening again to make puppy eyes at the demon with a matching frown on his face. 

“Be patient.” Bill said as he slipped his fingers out of the boy, only causing another whine of protest as he coated his cock with lube. Dipper licked his lips as he looked at Bill’s dick, appreciating (but also becoming nervous) of its size and girth. He was worried that it was going to hurt. Bill bent over the boy, capturing his lips in a kiss as he spread Dipper’s legs a little wider, cock pressing against his hole. Before entering the boy, Bill broke the kiss to say, “I won’t hurt you, just relax.” And with that, Bill pushed into the boy slowly, letting the younger adjust to the size, kissing him again to help him relax. It worked and soon Dipper was ready for more, mouth spilling with obscenities and pleads for more, faster, harder. Bill gave the boy what he wanted, pushing in and out at a harsh pace, pounding into him hard enough that the whole bed shaked with their motion. Dipper’s eyes rolled back in pleasure, enjoying the feeling of being full and the way his whole body buzzed with energy. Everytime Bill thrusted back in, he hit the bundle of nerves that made Dipper’s whole body thrum in pleasure. 

“I’m so close!” Dipper screamed, moans spilling from his lips after the words tumbled out. 

“Open your eyes and look at me.” Dipper did as he was told and stared into the eyes of the demon as he fucked into him. The demon looked just as wrecked as Dipper felt, eyes blown wide, face flushed, and sweat dripping from his hair. Dipper felt his heart surge with emotion as he faced Bill, a mixture of hatred and love. “Come for me, Pine Tree.” Those words were all it took to make Dipper come with Bill inside him and Bill’s hand on his cock. Dipper moaned, cock still twitching as Bill continued his thrusts into the younger boy. Oversensitive and tired, Dipper started to go limp as he waited for Bill to finish inside him. It only took a few more thrusts in and out for Bill to come inside Dipper, biting the boy’s neck as he did so.

When Bill pulled out of the boy, Dipper whined, missing the feeling of the other inside him causing the demon to smirk before capturing Dipper’s lips into another kiss. “I have to go. Thanks for the fuck Pine Tree. We will have to do it again soon.” That was all Dipper heard as the other broke the kiss and when he opened his eyes, he was alone. Regret hit Dipper instantly. He could feel the come leaking out of him and he felt disgusting. How could he let Bill Cipher of all people fuck him? Was he stupid? He couldn’t believe what he had just done and hated himself for it. What was worse was that he enjoyed it.

Dipper fell asleep that night, feeling horrible and worse than he had earlier. All his mind could think about was Bill Cipher and the events that occurred. He had never felt this much self-hatred in his life. He was a mistake and deserved to die. Bill watched the boy cry himself to sleep with a smile on his face. This was only the beginning of his plan and soon the boy would be his. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are so close to picking off where the prologue left off! one more chapter and then we will get there! i hope you liked it! as always leave kudos and comments! also heads up, life is getting busy with exams and soon i have to be gone every weekend for my sport tournaments so the updates will take a little longer than usual. thanks for being patient!!


	4. How did we get here? (part 3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning in this chapter for rape/ non-con elements/ dubious content. please read the tags before reading!

Dipper woke up that day, feeling like a piece of shit. He still couldn’t believe what he had done with Bill that night and tried to pretend that it hadn’t happened, but as soon as he thought about it, his body reacted in arousal. Groaning, he put his face in his hands and wished for those thoughts to go away but it was as if his mind didn’t want him to forget. How could he have sex with Bill Cipher of all people? The demon that fucking ruined his entire childhood and hurt everyone around him. He must be fucked up. Truly fucked up, because there was no logical explanation for his actions and his stupid feelings. Was it a hate fuck? Did people actually do that? He had no idea and he was not ready to accept this as the truth.

Dipper hadn’t showered that night and he realized how filthy he felt as he laid there in bed. His lower half was caked in dried come, that he really didn’t want to see because it only reminded him that he got off to the events that occurred last night. He felt sore everywhere, his ass especially, and all he wanted to do was lie there on his bed and forget he existed. His mind wasn’t going to let him and he realized that he might feel better after a shower. Sighing, he stretched and got out of his bed. Every step he took was a reminder of last night and as he put on his clothes, he only felt worse. 

The bathroom was the same as he left it last night, empty and quiet as if he hadn’t tried to hang himself in that same room. He got goosebumps as he turned on the shower and an intense urge to try choking himself again, but he knew that if he did, Bill would show up and that was the last thing he wanted. So, he resisted and stripped down, facing the mirror. As he looked at his body, he gasped loudly in disbelief. Holy fucking shit. His body was littered in marks. The kisses Bill had left were not just kisses, but little bites as well. He was too aroused to notice the pain at the time, and now he stood there in horror at his reflection. It was as if Bill was marking him as his property. It disgusted Dipper to no end and he could feel tears trying to flow out of his eyes. He really was a slut, wasn’t he?

He got into the shower, biting his lip hard to resist giving Bill the satisfaction of him reacting. Instead of falling to the ground and crying, he grabbed his sponge, coated it in soap, and scrubbed his body until it was raw and red. It didn’t help; he still felt used and dirty but the hot water was running out and it indicated that he had already been in the bathroom for too long. He didn’t want anyone in the house to comment on his "misuse of bathroom time" because he had no idea what he would say in response. 

Back in his room, he laid on his floor, wishing he didn’t exist. The bed was tainted with bad memories and he really didn’t want to think about them, so the floor was the best option. Dipper had a black hoodie on that was pulled over his head and was wearing flannel pajama bottoms with long socks to ensure that his whole body was covered. He didn’t want to see it and the marks that were proof that he had engaged in sex with a horrible being. He looked up at the ceiling and counted the plastic glow and the dark stars that managed to stay on from when Mabel put them there all those summer’s ago. They managed to make him smile but it didn’t help make him feel any less shitty. He thought about the easiest way he could disappear from this world, a way that would be quick and hard for Bill to interfere. Pills would be quick but he wasn’t sure where he would find any that would work. Drowning would be too slow, Bill would surely save him if he saw. Burning alive would be satisfying but it would be too messy and would hurt the surroundings around him. He had already tried hanging himself and he knew that wouldn’t work. Cutting his wrists would be easy for Bill to revert. It frustrated him to no end, he just wanted to be gone. Was that too much to ask?

**You know I would save you so why even bother? If you try anything, there will be consequences. Don’t test me. **

“Leave me the fuck alone!” Dipper shouted to the empty room, frustrated. It would be extremely difficult to attempt suicide with the demon always around and it pissed him off. Why did he care? “I don’t want you to talk to me and I don’t want you to engage in my personal problems. They aren’t any of your fucking business.” With those words, the world turned to gray and Dipper found himself in the Mindscape. His heart starting beating loudly, as his anxiety rose. He regretted the words. He shouldn't have said anything because if he hadn't this wouldn't be happening. Dipper stayed at his spot on the floor, hoping that if he pretended this wasn’t happening, he would find himself back at home. Of course this was not the case and he found himself being dragged up by two strong hands. They were in leather gloves and as Dipper took note of this, he was already being pushed onto his bed, once again, with the demon on top of him. “Let me go,” he pleaded, thrashing against the older man’s grasp, “I hate you!” 

The demon growled at the younger boy, flashing his sharp teeth before speaking, “Stop being so difficult. As long as you are alive, I will not let you die. You are MINE. I thought the marks would make you understand that.” He pushed the younger boy’s sleeves up, revealing the triangle scars and the love bites that were littered there. The sight of them made Dipper’s stomach churn. “You belong to me and I will not let you go. Do you need another reminder, Pine Tree?” 

Dipper shook his head in fear, deciding to keep his mouth shut. All the words that swirled in his head would only make the demon more mad and he was scared of what would happen if he voiced them. Before last night, Dipper looked forward to pissing the voice off in hopes of a punishment because he always enjoyed them and the intense pain that went along with them, but now he knew that sex would be involved somehow. He was still sore and didn’t want another round; his brain wouldn’t be able to handle it. Dipper was lost in his thoughts and barely felt the hands around him grip tighter around him. He almost didn’t register the words Bill spoke, “I asked you a question. If you don’t answer I might have to do what I want to do to you.” 

“No. I don’t need a reminder. I got it,” Dipper paused and finally brought his eyes to meet the demon, “I’m sorry.” He wasn’t but if that was what Bill wanted to hear, he would say it. It wasn’t as if the demon wasn’t aware of his real thoughts. Bill smiled and released him, Dipper crawling away as fast as he could. His body, despite being frightened, was aroused, causing Dipper to flush red as he brought his knees to his chest, trying to hide the tent that had formed. He looked away from the demon, hoping that this would be over soon. Bill smirked at the younger boy, looking at his disheveled state in amusement. 

“Looks like someone enjoyed our talk.” Bill chuckled, moving closer to the boy and pushing his legs apart despite the protests that the boy said. Bill palmed at Dipper’s erection, enjoying the resistance that Dipper attempted. He tried to push Bill off but he wasn’t strong enough and the feeling of the demon’s hand on him was taking over all of his other senses. 

“No. Stop. Please.” Dipper pleaded, biting his lip after those words to try to hide the moans that threatened to escape. How could his body do this to him? Didn’t it know he really didn’t want this? It would destroy him.

“You don’t want me to stop, Pine Tree. Look at yourself.” Dipper was a mess, lip drawing blood as he bit harder into it, cheeks red, and hips rising up to create more friction. A wall of mirrors formed around them, displaying Dipper from different angles. Dipper tried to close his eyes but he couldn’t, they stayed focused on himself and it caused him to release his lip, letting out small pants and moans as Bill continued touching him. Bill bent down to whisper in the boys ear, “You are such a slut. You like this. You like being taken advantage of, don’t you? You get off on watching yourself. I’ve seen all your fantasies and I will make each and everyone one of them a reality.” The words caused Dipper to reach his climax with a loud moan, spilling onto his underwear and pajama pants. The demon bit hard on Dipper’s neck, leaving another mark and a reminder of what had happened once again. Dipper felt the shame rise quickly, tears spilling out of his eyes. The demon only laughed and kissed his forehead before letting the world go back in color. Dipper was once again alone, on his bed, crying because of his own actions.

He let Bill touch him again and didn’t try to oppose him as much as he should have. He should have pushed him off or tried to run away. But instead, he sat there enjoying the feeling of another person touching himself. He was disgusting again, and in desperate need of another shower but all he could think about it how much he enjoyed it. Dipper let himself cry, sobbing about what his life had turned into. He thought about the words Bill had said. The worst part was that he liked being called a slut and wanted Bill to call him that again. How fucked up was he? And what if the demon actually was true to his word and made him experience even the darkest of his sexual fantasies. He wished that his mind could have kept them hidden from the demon’s eyes and that he could be safe. Once again, he felt anxiety bubble up and explode inside him. Dipper started rocking back and forth again, nervous to sleep, nervous to think about anything, nervous to do anything. Anything that he did, thought, or said would be held against him and Bill would eventually get his way with him. He needed to hatch a plan without drawing attention from the demon and it needed to happen soon or else he might let himself be taken away from his life to be with Bill forever.

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Dipper ventured downstairs later that day, after cleaning up once again and using a little bit of Mabel’s makeup to cover the bruise that Bill had put on his neck. He hoped no one would notice it and ask questions. He tried to blend it in as best as he could, but the shade didn’t match due to his lack of being in the sun. He hadn’t eaten since his birthday and could feel his stomach growling, trying to get his attention. Instead of grabbing a bowl of cereal or a slice of leftover pizza, Dipper went straight to the coffee pot and brewed himself a cup. The bitter taste was welcome as well as the burning sensation that followed. He grabbed the pot and his cup, setting it down on the table before sitting down next to it.

Dipper felt normal. It was strange, he was so used to the feelings of anxiety, depression, guilt, and shame that this feeling of normality felt odd. He imagined that he was an average 18 year old who was happy to be alive and enjoyed it. He felt like he was the kid that sat here 6 years ago, smiling and chatting along with his family as if he was unstoppable. That seemed so foreign to him now, and he wished that he could go back to then. Before Bill. Before all the shit that fucked him up and made him who he was today. And before he could stop them, the tears were back and so were all his stupid emotions that made him want to kill himself. He couldn’t stop himself from sobbing loudly as he sat there wishing that this wasn’t his life. “Why me?” Dipper whispered to the world, as if it could respond and explain to him why he of all people had to deal with this shit. Why he was dealt such horrible cards in life. 

**Pine Tree, Pine Tree. It was always going to be you. Who else would be fit for this life? Shooting Star? Sixer? Don’t be silly, it was always you. I’ve always wanted you and the universe marked you as mine by placing that birthmark on your forehead. Don’t you see? We are meant to be together. **

Every word Bill spoke felt worse then every cut he ever curved on his skin, worse than every attack from his bullies, worse than anything he had ever felt in his life. They sunk in and caused him to overflow and suffocate. He felt like he was in the bathtub again with the shower hose wrapped around his neck. Dipper managed to rasp out, “I hate you,” before the anxiety attack hit. He could feel his chest tighten and his lungs struggling to get air as his hands shook and he dropped the mug on the floor, causing a loud shatter. He couldn’t see, couldn’t focus on anything but the words that wouldn’t stop.

**You deserve this, Pine Tree. Every horrible thing that happened to you, you deserved. You aren’t a good person and never will be. You might as well accept it now. **

“Shut up! That’s not true.”

**Oh, but it is. You hate everyone, I’ve read your thoughts. You wish you could stab those around you until they died because of your actions. You wanted your sister dead so your parents would finally notice you. You wanted your Grunkles to die so that they would stop bothering you. You wanted to hurt those kids in school worse than how they hurt you. You wanted to torture them, watch them bleed out, and take their final breathes. You are a bad person which is why we are perfect for each other.**

“No! I never wanted that-I never-I never thought those things. You put those thoughts in there-” Dipper was rambling, tears flowing freely and his body racked with terror. He stood up on shaky feet and stumbled to the medicine cabinet. 

**You might as well accept it now. You want to hurt others. You want to kill. And when I make you mine, you will.**

“Shut up! Shut UP!” Dipper screamed as he opened the cabinet, hands still shaking as he grabbed pill bottle after pill bottle. He didn’t know if it would work but he was going to try. Bill still chanted horrible things to him as he opened the bottles, struggling to get the pills out without spilling them all over the place. He poured handfuls into his mouth, washing each handful with a gulp of coffee. Dipper could still hear Bill in the back of his mind and could see images of him standing over his loved ones with a bloody knife. It made his stomach queasy, but he kept going, swallowing as many as he could. After a few moments, he could feel his eyes droop and he fell to the floor, unable to support himself anymore. He was surprised to see that the world was still in color. It was as if Bill wasn’t real after all. Dipper started floating away, feeling on top of the world as he flew away from his problems.

**You stupid bitch. You are going to be sorry. **

Dipper was too dazed to respond and could feel leather hands on his throat before vaguely hearing footsteps approaching. The hands disappeared and Dipper could hear a voice next to him that was louder than the one in his head. “Dipper? DIPPER!” He thought it might have been Mabel and he heard her voice sobbing into the phone before grabbing his hand and whispering, “It’s going to be okay. I’m here. Everything is going to be okay.” That was the last thing he heard before he saw the world turn black. 

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When Dipper opened his eyes again, he panicked, unsure of where he was. The room was covered in white: white walls, white ceilings, white furniture. Even the blanket he had was white. As he looked down, he noticed he was in a hospital gown. All of his scars were on display, but somehow the triangles Bill had curved were gone, as if he imagined it all. How many people had seen his body like this? He didn’t even notice someone walking in, his thoughts were too loud and distracting. He started to shake and scream, pulling at his hair and rocking back in forth again. 

“Sir!” Someone came running to his side, but he had his eyes shut and when she tried to touch him, he flinched and screamed louder. She rushed out as he carried on, and brought his hands to his ears. 

**You are so selfish. You did this for attention. You didn’t care how it would affect others. You can’t even act normal anymore. Face it, you are broken. But with me, you would never feel that way. Say the word and we will make a deal making you officially mine. I could make you feel amazing. I would give you everything you want. You would never know this feeling again. **

“You are lying. I’m not broken. Someone else could love me,” Dipper screamed, shaking harder and crying hysterically. “I don’t want you! Leave me alone!” He started screaming at Bill, words spilling out from their cage, unable to be contained. For everything he said back, Bill would say more hurtful things and try to convince him that Bill was the only person who would love him. It was working, but he still screamed, wanting to ignore everything he felt and show Bill how much he didn’t want this. 

A group of nurses burst into the room with a doctor trailing behind. The nurses surrounded his bed, each one grabbing a limb and pressing him down firmly onto the bed so he could no longer move. Dipper screamed to tell them to stop but they ignored him as the doctor came near him. 

“Dipper. Everything is going to be okay. We are going to help you.” Her words were soothing and captivating, allowing him to relax enough for her to come closer. She smiled warmly at him before grabbing his arm and plunging a needle into his skin. Dipper protested, screaming at them, telling them what they were doing was wrong but soon he faded away, words slurring and mind going hazy.

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When Dipper regained consciousness again, he felt loopy and happy. The world seemed so much better all the sudden. He was in a different room than before, one that was smaller. He also noticed that he couldn’t move his arms, they were strapped down, as were his legs. His immediate reaction was to panic and scream, but he felt like he couldn’t. His body was too relaxed and didn’t have the energy to try to throw another fit. 

**They drugged you. They think you are crazy. You will never get to leave this place. Next time you try something like this, there will be consequences and I will take you to be mine, willingly or unwillingly. **

Dipper, even though he felt anger towards these words, couldn’t react. The drugs wouldn’t let him. He sat there, comatose, feeling as if he needed to sleep for days. Nothing felt real. The room he was in seemed like a figment of his imagination. He was worried that this was the Mindscape and that Bill had taken him after all. He could hear a machine beeping behind him but he couldn’t even sit up to see what he was strapped to. For what felt like hours he sat there, eyes drooping but sleep never coming, listening to the clock tick along with the machine. A knuckle tapped against the door, alerting him that someone was coming in. For a moment, Dipper thought it would be Bill coming in to torture him more than he already had. To his relief, it was a doctor in a long white coat, holding a clipboard and smiling as another girl walked behind her with a tray piled with an array of medicines. 

“ Hello Dipper! I am Dr. Walters and I will be taking care of you for the time being.” She walked to his bedside and pulled a chair up to sit by him before speaking again, in a tone that made him feel like he was three years old, “I know you are a little drugged up right now and if you were wondering why, it is for your safety and ours until you regain your senses again. I know you must have thousands of questions, which I will let you ask soon. Currently, you are scheduled to stay in this room for a couple more days before we transfer you to the main psychiatric floor where the majority of residents stay. Right now, how are you feeling?”

Dipper blinked up at her, mind swirling as it tried to piece together a response. All the information felt overwhelming. He was in a psychiatric hospital and wasn’t told how long he’d be here for. What if he was here for months? He had no idea and looked away for her, consumed in his own thoughts. 

“You think about it and I will come back later to ask you again.” She patted his hand and motioned for the nurse to come over. She carried a bottle in her hand and handed it to the doctor. “These are just some simple antidepressants that should help your mind feel more at ease. They should take a few weeks for you to see improvements, but they should help. If not, we will try some other medications until we find the one that will work for you. If your condition isn’t improving, we might try an anti-psychotic medication.” She put the medication in Dipper’s mouth, pouring a little bit of water in as well, and closing his mouth until he swallowed. 

It felt strange to be treated like a child again. The world had been forcing him to grow up so fast, he wasn’t used to this kind of behavior from an adult. It was likely due to the fact that he was “mentally troubled”. If only they could comprehend his real problem. If only they could get this demon out of his fucking head. “Try to get some rest. The sedation should wear off by morning so when that happens it is going to feel like a long day.” With those final words, she and the nurse left the room, turning off the lights before shutting the door softly. Once again Dipper was alone with his thoughts and the demon who had been strangely quiet since the other people entered the room. He wondered if Bill even cared about him anymore. 

**Don’t be silly. Of course I care about you. I would have saved you if pesky Shooting Star didn’t get in the way. Now you are stuck in here and might never get out. You should be begging me to free you.**

Dipper had a feeling he was being monitored by a security camera so he decided against speaking out loud, plus the drugs still made it hard for him to form coherent sentences. He knew that his thoughts would be a more efficient and effective way to talk to the demon. “I’m not that desperate yet. Maybe it will be good for me. Maybe I can become normal again.”

**Pine Tree, we have been over this countless times and I am sick of repeating myself. Listen closely, you will never change. You are normal to me. Who cares what human society thinks? They don’t matter. Soon I will be the only person you will worry about pleasing. **

“I don’t want to be this way. I would be of better use if I could be mentally stable for once.” Dipper closed his eyes, worried that the people watching him and would suggest more intensive treatment if they saw him looking around in the dark. Plus, maybe if he pretended to be sleeping, he would get a reward for good behavior. He was surprised that he didn’t tell the demon to fuck off, that he would never be his, but for some reason he understood that it would be his fate. The depressing truth was that no matter how hard he would try to escape, Dipper would be Bill’s eventually. He couldn’t stop the demon, at least on his own, and part of him didn’t want to. Maybe Bill was right, this life wasn’t for him. The demon had already expressed love to him and even marked him as his own, inside and out. As the demon had mentioned, no one else would love him like this. Was there a point in fighting for more than that? Despite how much the demon fucked with his head, he still found himself craving the other’s embrace and praise. 

**Good boy. You are starting to understand your place after all. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, will ever stop me from taking you and making you mine in every way. I will kill anyone and anything that gets in my way. Do you understand? **

“Yes. I understand.” The praise mixed with the strange infatuation Bill had for him made his heart swell and beat faster. It felt so nice to be loved. The back of his mind was trying to remind him that Bill was the person who ruined his family’s life all those years ago, how he treated Dipper as nothing, and how there was no way a demon could ever love a human. All those memories seemed to get locked up and only the positive ones remained. Bill wasn’t lying to him either and it was true that his family would never look at him the same after he was released. This was all Dipper deserved and somehow that didn’t upset him. His mind drifted to daydreams of Bill and him spending time together, holding hands, going on dates, even having sex. It was enough for him to relax and drift off to sleep.

**Sweet dreams, Pine Tree. **The demon was so close to having the boy trust him fully, it was only a matter of time before he was his. Soon he could make a deal with Dipper and have access to him completely.

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_Dipper was running in the forest, an axe in hand and heart thumping along to his footsteps. He was exhilarated, a smile on his face and blood on his hands and clothes. He could hear a girl screaming just steps ahead and he started running faster, trying to reach her. He laughed maniacally as he grabbed the girls arm, causing her to turn around. It was Mabel. She was crying and looked at him with terror in her eyes before speaking, “Please Dipper. Don’t do this. You can let me live. Deep inside, you still love me, right?” She tried to smile but it looked forced as she shaked in his grasp. _

_ Instead of backing away or giving a hug to his scared twin, he just grinned. “Not a chance. I’ve been waiting to do this for years. To have you die in my arms as I cut you into pieces. That way you will understand what it was like to be in your shadow. How no one ever cared about me because all they could see was you. I was nothing in your eyes and everyone else's too. You took my parents from me. You made them not care. If it wasn’t for you, I would be happy and feel loved. You made me do this. Maybe if you weren’t so fucking annoying, I would spare you. But I am excited for the moment you can no longer speak in that fucking obnoxious tone.” _

_ “You don’t mean that.” She was crying harder now, tears rolling down her cheeks rapidly. _

_ “Oh, but I do.” And with that, he brought the axe to her chest, laughing when she screamed in pain and gasped for help. He ignored her and kept bringing the axe down, feeling a rush of energy from doing so. Blood gushed out of her body, spraying on him and everything around him. He felt a high he had never experienced before when she took her last breath. It made him want to kill all over again. When she was no longer recognizable, Dipper let her fall out of his hands and giggled as her limbs fell in a pile in the grass. Bill walked out of the forest, clapping his hands enthusiastically. _

_ “A perfect performance Pine Tree! You look so beautiful like this..” Bill walked closer to the younger boy and cupped his cheek before kissing him passionately for a brief moment before pulling away, causing Dipper to whine. Bill chuckled at this as he pushed Dipper roughly against a nearby tree. The hard shove knocked the air out of the boys lungs and it only added to his arousal. Bill grinded onto the other, one arm resting against the tree as he used it for leverage. Dipper moaned and wrapped his hands around the demon's neck, pulling him in for a kiss. It was messy, full of teeth and tongue, and every time Bill bit down on the flesh, Dipper swore he could see stars. Bill continued his motions, letting their dicks rub against each other with delicious friction. _

_ Bill moved his free hand under Dipper’s blood soaked shirt and pinched and rubbed at his nipples, making the boy arch into his touch. Bill pulled away from the kiss and growled, tearing Dipper’s shirt into shreds, letting the pieces scatter carelessly onto the ground. He brought his head down, licking the sensitive nubs, even biting at them, causing Dipper to writhe against him. “Please…” Dipper whined, moving his hips against the others frantically. _

_ “Please what?” Bill said before diving back into the torturous devouring of his chest. _

_ “Please,” Dipper flushed bright red as he spoke, “Please, Master.” _

_ “Good boy.” Bill unzipped the others pants, pulling his cock out from the confined space. Dipper gasped as the cold air blew across dick. Bill grinned as he swiped his hand across Dippers face, coating it with the blood that had splattered there before he grabbed his cock, using the blood as a lubricant. He started pumping it fast in his hand, not allowing the younger boy a movement to breathe as he continued with the rough movements. _

_ “Master! I’m going to come!” Dipper managed to say just as he felt himself reaching his climax and with one final stroke- _

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Dipper woke up sweaty and hard. His dick was aching for him to reach down and stroke it, but he was still bound to the bed. He couldn’t even rub against the sheets or a pillow, all he could do was look down at himself, watching himself grow as he thought about the dream. He felt horrified, he had killed his sister and then almost came with her blood covering his whole body, not to mention that it was used as lube. It made his stomach churn even thinking about it yet his body still reacted in arousal, only making him more upset. 

**Wow Pine Tree. That was one hell of a dream, you filthy boy. **

Dipper’s face flamed as he responded back in his head, “That was all you. I would have never created that myself.”

**I wish I could say that I helped create that wonderful dream, but unfortunately I did not have the opportunity to do so. Plus, it was more fun to see what your brain came up with on its own. I’m more than happy to make that dream reality. Especially the part where you called me Master. Almost made me come on the spot. **

Dipper's mind raced as he tried to figure out if this was true. He was still in denial that he could have had the capacity to create that abomination on his own. Bill had to be lying, but it wouldn’t make sense for him too. He would have been proud and bragged about it. Fuck. What the hell was wrong with him. He loved Mabel, he would never have wanted to hurt her. Sure, she was annoying at times and hurt him many ways growing up, but that didn’t mean that he wanted to kill her. He still couldn’t believe himself. He felt as if he needed to go apologize to her for something he didn’t even do. Why was his subconscious thinking such vile things? And what was up with the sex dream? And why was he still turned on? 

**I can’t help that I’m irresistible. I can’t wait to have you beg for more like that. I don’t think I would cave so easily. I would make you earn it. Have you suck my cock like the filthy little slut you-**

A knock on the door distracted Dipper from Bill's words, but he almost came in his pants from just that alone. He hated himself for how much he wished that what Bill had said was a reality. “Good morning Dipper! I heard you slept soundly last night.” Dipper nodded and prayed that she would ignore the tent that was displayed by the tight sheets. Luck was in his favor as she spoke again, clearly ignoring the situation at hand, “Now, how are you feeling today? I’m thinking we might be able to transfer you upstairs and let your arms and legs breathe. What do you think about that?” 

Dipper cleared his throat before speaking, “I would love-I would love that. And I’m feeling really good. A little drowsy and confused but good.” 

She beamed at him and pulled a chair up next to him as she wrote some notes down on her clipboard. “That is wonderful! I am so happy to hear that! The medicine is probably what is making you feel drowsy,” She scribbled a few more things before continuing, “Your body should get used to it after a few weeks. The team of doctors and nurses here will monitor that and help you recover so you can be back to normal.” She set the clipboard down on the table and stood up, walking over to his side and loosening the straps so he could slide his feet and hands out. For the first time in a while, Dipper smiled in pure happiness. It felt so nice to be free after those first hard days. 

Dipper brought his legs to his chest and wrapped his arms around them before speaking, “Thank you so much Dr. Walters. I really appreciate- I really appreciate it.” 

“Of course. Now, before I let you shower and change into the clothes the facility provides, I just need you to fill out a few worksheets. They will just help me and the others here piece together your diagnosis so we can help you more effectively and efficiently.” She passed him a different clipboard and a pen. She sat there filling out more paperwork as he started on his own. 

Dipper had filled a few of these surveys out before, always lying about his answers because he didn’t want to have to deal with the repercussions that would follow. It was just easier to pretend everything was fine then have those talks with the doctor especially with his Mom in the room. Now, he felt like they already knew what emotional state he was in and there was no point in lying. He explained how the depression and anxiety started and tried to describe his first summer in Gravity Falls without bringing paranormal activities up. He knew that would make him seem insane. He explained his obsession with self-harm and how it made him feel more in control of his shitty life. 

**Have you ever truly been in control, Pine Tree? **

Dipper ignored him and continued, annoyed at how much he had to explain. Should he discuss how he had a voice in his head? **No. **He listened to Bill and decided against it. Afterall, it would only make his stay in the hospital longer. After a few more minutes, Dipper finally finished and passed the clipboard back to the doctor. She took it from him and then smiled again, “Well done! Now, I will go read this while you freshen up.” She left the room and Dipper felt like he could do anything and everything all at once.

Of course all he did was get up and walk around the small room. There was practically nothing in there, not even pictures. The bed was smaller than he remembered it being while he laid there and the sheets were now tangled together, straps still fastened to the bed. There was a white chair, the one the doctor had sat in, and that was about it. He creeped over to the closed door and opened it. There was a toilet, a bathtub, and a sink. The lack of a mirror upset him; he wanted to see what he looked like. How much of a wreck he must of appeared to be. Sighing, he undressed and got into the bath, turning the hot water on full blast. There was a bottle of shampoo, conditioner, and a bar of soap. He ignored them, letting himself just relax, the hot water stinging his skin, but in a good way. He almost dozed off, before he felt a naked body press against his body. It alerted all his nerves in his body and made him jump. 

“Good morning, Pine Tree!” Bill hugged the younger boy, pressing him against his chest. Dipper was irritated that the demon would appear here of all places but strangely felt comforted by the strong arms that seemed to be protecting him. 

“Good morning.” Dipper could feel himself flush, not only from the temperature of the water but because of the intimacy of this position. Sure, the demon had seen him naked plenty of times, even fucked him senseless but bathing seemed like something so domestic. It made his heart squeeze with love that he tried to ignore. Bill kissed his cheek and then fumbled with a bottle before his hands came up to massage the shampoo into his hair. It felt so soothing and Dipper only felt more confused about his emotions towards the other. 

“You will be out of here before you know it,” Bill spoke softly as he continued massaging Dipper’s scalp, “I will be on my best behavior as long as you are too. Don’t let these people mess with you. There is nothing wrong with you.” 

“Bill…” Dipper wanted to cry but he couldn’t, not with Bill there. He felt as if the walls he built after each negative thing Bill had said to him was crumbling in his own two hands. He was putty and the demon was going to shape him into whatever he wanted him to be. 

“Shhh...Relax, Pine Tree.” Bill drew moans out of the younger boy’s mouth with his attentive touch and gentle hands. He told Dipper to run his head under the faucet, which he did without hesitation causing a smile to form on the demon's lips. As Dipper was running his hands through his hair, making sure the bubbles were gone, Bill bent over and kissed the back of his neck. The kind gesture made Dipper jump, sloshing water out of the tub and onto the floor, making Bill laugh. “Come here.” Dipper obeyed again, enjoying the moment they were sharing together. Bill once again pressed the boy against his chest, massaging conditioner in his hair, appreciating the rise and fall of the boy’s breathes and the thoughts in his head, the thoughts that were steering towards sex. Bill knew that the boy was aroused, not just by the smell but the way he got quiet and let Bill do anything he wanted him to as if he was a puppet with strings that were easily pulled. Once again, Bill told Dipper to rinse his hair which he complied with immediately and then turned off the water, as he was worried that it might overflow. 

When he returned to his spot, Bill’s arms were still wrapped tightly and securely around him. Dipper breathed out a quiet, “Thank you.” He felt like what he actually said was “I love you” but he hoped that the demon would not notice the infatuation growing and the way his chest swelled with emotion. Bill just smiled and kissed the top of his head, letting Dipper enjoy his company in silence. The silence wasn’t heavy or awkward, like the way it felt being around classmates, it was comfortable and welcoming. They didn’t need to talk to understand each other or apologize for their past actions, it was as if they had already had those hard conversations and everything was forgiven on both ends. Of course Dipper was still upset and hurt, but at this moment it didn’t matter. They were alive and they were together, nothing else mattered but that. Dipper slid his hand up to grab Bill’s holding it tightly against his chest, before making the other open his hand, palm facing up. He traced his fingers along the bumps and ridges, reminding himself that this was real. Dipper was once again surprised at the way the demon let him look at him this intimately so he brought the hand to his lips and kissed it gently before returning it back to his hand, a spot it fit perfectly into. They sat like this for a while, Dipper noticing that the demon was also erect, the way it pressed against him, but how neither of them wanted to do anything to fix their arousal.

They both knew it wasn’t the right time and that even if it was, Dipper should be the one to initiate it. But Dipper knew that it was only a matter of weeks before the demon lost control and would take Dipper whether or not the boy wanted to. Dipper knew that he would cave in eventually, but this here was all he craved for. For months and months he craved this attention and love. Dipper let himself stay there, Bill wrapped around him, for a few moments before realizing how long he must have been taking. “Bill. I have to go.” He said this but still Dipper didn’t move to get up. He let Bill wrap him tighter and drop his head to his shoulder. “Bill.” Dipper said his name again, in a tone that sounded wrecked and full of emotion. Dipper let his own head fall on top of the demons in defeat. 

“Just a few more minutes,” was the demon's response as he closed his eyes, Dipper falling in suit. All he could hear was the sound of his heart pounding fast, the faucet dripping stray beads of water into the tub, and Bill’s soft breathing. Dipper wished he could stay here forever. It was as if he wasn’t in a mental hospital and was transported somewhere where all his worries were gone. 

Those minutes passed quickly and Dipper could hear footsteps approaching the bathroom. “Dipper, you've been in there for awhile. Are you okay? Do I need to come in?”

“Nope! Everything is fine. Just enjoying a bath.” Dipper said quickly, and sighed in relief when she walked away. “I’ve got to go. Kiss me goodbye? Please? I need you-“ Dipper was silenced by Bill's lips on his own, a tender kiss, not like the rough ones that they shared before. This was more romantic and full of love and affection. 

“I’ll be right here, Pine Tree.” Bill said this as he tapped Dipper’s head, “Go get dressed. I’ll see you as soon as I can.” He kissed the boy one last time before disappearing as if he was never there. 

In a trance, Dipper drained the tub and got out, drying off with a towel before putting the scrub like set on. They were dark blue and felt itchy and awkward. All of Dipper’s scars on his arms were on display and he wished that they weren’t. It made his mental illness more visilbe and real. He felt confused by the demon's gentleness and kind words. Bill always said hurtful things then would do something like this and then repeat. Dipper wasn’t sure if he should love the demon or hate his guts. Why couldn’t Bill act the way he did in the tub every night? Maybe that’s why Dipper had never been in a relationship, you had to accept both parts of the person, something he constantly struggled with. 

He forced himself to leave the bathroom instead of daydreaming about Bill's body against his own, hand holding, even traditional dates. He needed something to distract himself from falling for the demon more than he already had. When Dipper entered the room, Dr. Walters was sitting in the chair, still taking notes. She looked up, saw Dipper, and smiled, “Let’s go look at your new room!” She stood up hastily, chair scraping loudly against the floor, and shoes squeaking as she led Dipper out the door. Something about her pissed Dipper off, but he bit his tongue to avoid saying anything mean. 

The hospital was pretty average except it had no paintings at all and not even a picture of the staff hanging up either. Bare walls painted a lighter blue than his shirt. As they walked down the hall, Dr. Walters pointed out a few areas: the dining hall, the medication counter, an area with a few pay phones, a couple lounges, and tons of rooms. After that brief tour, they finally arrived at his room. A whiteboard outside had his name written on it in black marker and as she opened the door, he peered inside. It resembled a prison to him, no windows, no dressers, no mirrors, just a small mattress in a metal bed frame with a few blankets and pillows. In some ways, he was like a prisoner, no access to the outside world, visitors at only specific times, constant monitoring of his actions, a rigid schedule, same clothing as everyone else, and now this. He felt like he was more likely to want to die here than he ever would have at home. 

“Due to regulations, we aren’t legally allowed to provide anymore than this. We’ve had accidents in the past. But, it will only be your home for a few weeks! You’ll end up liking it. The bathrooms are communal and are across this hall. I’ll let you get settled!” With that, she left him alone as he sat down on his bed. It was hard as a rock and super uncomfortable but at least it was something. He curled up in a ball and fell asleep, exhausted from all this new information and the need to escape his mind for a little while.

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Dipper’s first week at the hospital was surprisingly nice. He got to talk to a lot of people, old, young, and in between, who were struggling with the same things as him. He was the only one who had a demon in his head but they didn’t need to know that. He made friends with the people his age and allowed himself to enjoy the simplicity of it all. No worries about the future in his mind except thoughts about his relationship with Bill. Bill had been calm this whole week, only saying a few things here and there, but overall had taken a step back like he had promised.

Dipper felt like he had the opportunity to heal without distraction. He was still upset that his scars were on display, but it didn’t seem to bother anyone, no one even commenting about them except the therapists he was forced to see. Talking about his feelings made him feel more free as if someone had taken the backpack of heavy rocks off his back and now he was only carrying a couple small stones. Overall, it was a pleasant experience and he was thrilled when the doctor said that he would only have a few more days left if he didn’t have any incidents in that amount of time. He was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, and something he never even considered: post traumatic stress disorder. Apparently Bill’s attack left a lasting impact on him and it caused the insomnia he faced due to fear of nightmares, his disassociations, and feelings of guilt and shame. The therapists helped him recover and think of strategies to heal. He had never felt more mentally sound than he did at this moment. 

After the day’s busy schedule of talking to the various therapists, Dipper got to have visitors. It was his first time since being here that he was allowed to see someone from the outside world. He was nervous because of all the scars that were on display and the way things were the last time he saw his family, especially Mabel. The negative thoughts towards her still lingered despite the help he had received to try to resolve them. He went to the bathroom before going to the meeting area, fluffing his hair up, splashing water on his face, and practicing smiling so that he would appear normal. He walked into the visitor room, checked in, and sat down, bouncing his leg up and down due to nerves as he waited for his family to visit. He wasn’t sure if his parents knew what had happened, but he knew that if he saw them, he would be even more scared. After five long minutes, Dipper stood up as he saw Mabel practically running over towards him, long brown curls bouncing up and down as she did so. He looked past her to see if anyone else had come, but no one was walking behind her. 

“Dipper!” She exclaimed loudly, causing the people around to look up at them, before returning back to their conversations. She pulled him in for a big hug, squeezing so hard that the air went out of his lungs for a few moments. “I missed you so, so much.” She squeezed him one last time before releasing him as she sat down in a chair across from his own. He sat down too, looking at her anxiously, waiting to see if she would say anything else. She seemed to be waiting for him to say something first.

“Hey,” He said, voice squeaking due to his anxiety, “I missed you.” He avoided her eyes and twiddled his thumbs as he looked down at the empty table. She sensed his nervousness and reached over to grab his hand in her own, trying very hard not to look at the scars that littered his forearms.

“Dip, I’m here because I wanted to make sure you were okay. I love you so much and if anything ever happened to you-” She started tearing up, throat closing, “I don’t know-I don’t know what I would do. You matter so much to me. I guess I didn’t do a good job showing it.” The guilt in her voice was evident and it caused Dipper’s heart to squeeze. He had never meant for her to blame herself. 

“Mabel...It isn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself. This was all my doing,” He gestured to the scars she was trying so hard to ignore, “You had nothing to do with this. I chose to do this and it was all my own actions and fault. There is no one else to blame. I’m sick and now I am receiving help for something that I should have been seen for a long time ago. I am getting better and it’s all because you found me. I owe you my life, Mabel. I love you so much.” 

She covered her mouth with her free hand as she sobbed, still gripping his hand tightly. He let her cry, not feeling awkward or embarrassed anymore, just relieved that she still cared for him and that she wasn’t mad. He was so happy to know that he was still loved by someone who was such an important person in his life. It took a few minutes for her to regain her composure and when she did Dipper spoke again, “It’s okay to cry, Mabel. I know I’ve hurt you and I’m trying to heal.”

“I’m so glad to hear that. Is this place helping at all to achieve that goal?” She asked, looking at her twin who beamed when she posed the question. Dipper talked about all the amazing doctors and therapists who were helping him deal with his emotions, the medications that seemed to be working, the routine that kept his mind busy, and how nice it was to ignore the real world for a bit. She smiled, happy to see that her brother was getting the treatment that would bring him back to the boy she grew up with. It made her feel more at ease because how could she leave him like this? If he was improving this much, maybe it would be safe to go to college without worry that he would try to kill himself again. As he spoke, Mabel realized that this was the first time in months Dipper had seemed excited about something. She hadn’t noticed it before, but now she remembered how little she had seen him smile in the past few years. He was suffering and she hadn’t noticed until now. She told herself that she had to be a better sister for him so that he could return to normal.

“Anyway, the doctor said I could come home in a few days if I am still doing this great! I can’t wait! I really miss you all. Where is everyone by the way?” 

“Only two visitors could come, but Stan was busy with the shack and Ford hasn’t left the basement since your accident. He thinks he knows how to fix you and when I told him he couldn’t fix this, he laughed and hasn’t surfaced since.” 

Hearing this made Dipper laugh but feel extremely worried. What if when he got home, Ford tried to take Bill away? It might be true that Bill had an impact on Dipper’s mental health but now Dipper couldn’t imagine life without him. He was the only one that truly understood him and who wanted the best for him. How could Dipper explain this to Ford without him thinking he had been brainwashed…Pushing all those thoughts to the back of his mind, Dipper replied, still laughing, “Does he think he can create a tool that can magically delete all my problems while still retaining the memories of my life? It’s impossible! Promise me you won’t let him come near me with anything that could hurt me. I don’t trust his inventions unless they have been tested many times before it gets pointed at me.” 

Mabel laughed too, “I will protect you Bro-Bro! I've got your back. I wouldn’t let him get near me with anything either. Too risky.” 

They talked for the whole hour, sharing memories of their childhood and laughing about how crazy their family was at times. They talked about Mabel’s future as a fashion designer and how excited she was to leave even if it meant being away from Dipper and Pacifica. Dipper realized how much he missed having conversations with Mabel, how fun it could be sometimes. They used to be so close but as soon as he succumbed to his mental illness, they fell out of touch, really only talking when she had troubles. They promised each other that they would talk more when he got released, both promising to make an effort no matter how chaotic life got. After the promise was made, Dipper got up and hugged her tightly.

“I’ll see you soon, okay? Thank you again for being here.” Dipper whispered in her ear, “I was so scared you were going to be mad at me.”

“Dip...How could I be mad at you? I was only mad at myself for not noticing.” She kissed his forehead as she released him from the hug, “I’ll see you in a couple days. I love you!” 

“Love you too.” He watched her go, waving as she turned to look at him one last time. She smiled before walking completely out of sight. Finally Dipper was able to breathe again. It was so fun talking to her but he hadn’t noticed until now how draining it was. He felt as if he had run three miles without taking a break. He sighed, running his hand through his hair before returning to his room. The room was no longer a place where he dreaded to be, it was now his own. It was a part of him even if it was bare. 

“Bill?” Dipper whispered into the empty room, as the doors were shut and lights turned out indicating bedtime. Dipper knew he had about an hour before the nurses would check to make sure everyone was sleeping and he knew with everything that had happened today, it would be awhile before he could drift away. He also missed Bill, even though he was trying super hard not to. He didn’t want to become dependent on the demon, but he couldn’t help but crave the intimacy and warm feeling that the demon gave him. 

Bill appeared behind the boy, wrapping him in his arms, whispering in his ear, “Pine Tree. You called?” 

Dipper shivered before turning around, facing Bill and wrapping his arms tightly against the other. He stood there in silence, enjoying the warmth that came from the demon and the way a hand was playing with his hair, causing his body to relax. “You’ve been so quiet lately.” What Dipper really wanted to say was, “I wish that you could be with me always” or “I missed you dearly” but he was too embarrassed to speak those things out loud. It didn’t matter anyway because Bill was always inside his head so he knew what he was really saying. 

“I promised you that I would let you heal in peace. I keep my promises. Especially when they are pertaining to someone important to me.” In response, Dipper reached up on his toes to give the demon a gentle peek before pulling him to the bed where they laid down together.

“Cuddle me?” Dipper asked, cheeks flushing red as he did so. Bill didn’t respond and instead scooped the boy in his arms, pulling him close against his body. Dipper put his hands on top of Bill’s, running his fingers against the other’s, mapping his hands mentally. Bill whispered to the boy, telling him how proud he was of Dipper and how amazing the younger boy was. Dipper smiled as the demon whispered compliments and let himself drift off, feeling safe with the other protecting him so close. He knew nothing bad could happen to him as long as Bill was with him. For the first time in his life, Dipper fell asleep feeling as if he had something to live for.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dipper said goodbye to the friends he made in the hospital, giving some people handshakes and hugs, sad to leave but excited to finally return home. It had only been a few weeks, but he missed his room, his books, the normality, and most importantly, his family and friends. He had been worried about how Stan and Ford were holding up since he hadn’t seen them since his accident. He hoped that they weren’t too mad. Dipper checked out, getting his phone back and some clothes that Mabel had apparently dropped off for him to change into. The secretary made him fill some paperwork out and then passed him a folder that described his plans for keeping his mind healthy. It also listed the medications he was put on and the diagnosis of his illnesses.

Dipper opened the door to the outside world and grinned. The sun shined brightly, hitting his face with warmth and making the world around him look beautiful. “Dip!” Mabel yelled, waving at him. It caused him to grin even bigger and he ran over to her, scooping her in a huge hug.

“Mabel!” Dipper exclaimed as they hugged each other tightly. He was so happy to see a familiar face again, to be in the presence of someone he truly knew. Bill helped, but it wasn’t the same. She was someone he could trust. She let him go and took his hand, leading him to their car. It looked exactly the same as it had before he left but it felt different somehow. 

He sat in the passenger seat listening to Mabel talk about the past couple days and he tapped his fingers against the dash in time to the loud pop music she was blasting. It made him feel normal again, as if nothing had happened in the first place. “And like, who does she think she is? Just because she doesn’t have anyone, it doesn’t mean that she can take it out on Pacifica. She said she feels replaced by her but friends and girlfriends are completely different. So I told Candy, I’ll try to be better but she needs a few days to calm down before I can even see her again. She got so mad but I think we'll be fine soon.” 

“I’m sorry, I’m sure she’ll come around.” Dipper said, hoping she would feel comforted by his words. Mabel continued to talk, Dipper chiming in every once in a while, but she didn’t seem very interested in what he had to say. It was bugging him. He thought she was going to try to be a better sister, but she seemed to be going back to her usual ways of talking to him like he wasn’t there. Maybe he was just tired or something, but she was getting on his last nerves. 

**She doesn’t care about you. She never has and she clearly never will. You are just an inconvenience to her. **

Dipper knew Bill was speaking the truth but it didn’t make the pain of those words hurt any less. Every fear that Dipper had in his mind was coming true. Mabel would be too distracted to protect him from Ford and he might do something that would take the only good thing in his life away, Bill. 

**I won’t let that happen, Pine Tree. Don’t worry. You’ll always be here with me.**

It was reassuring to hear that, but Dipper’s anxiety still thrummed throughout his body as he looked out the window, rolling it down to breathe the scent of pine in to calm himself down. There was something so peaceful about being near the forest again, something in his body that made him feel drawn to it as if he needed to be there all the time. It was his home. 

**We could live out in the forest someday, just you and me. Together. **

“I can’t just disappear, Bill.” Dipper responded back in his head, heart warming at the thought of that becoming a reality. A life with Bill. He would always feel loved and have someone who understood him inside and out. What was so bad about that? But, it would be devastating to leave all his friends and his family. He wasn’t honestly sure if his family would notice. His parents clearly wouldn’t miss him, Mabel maybe would, Ford absolutely not, and Stan...maybe a little. It was a welcoming thought, one that he churned through in his head, pondering if it could ever happen. 

**I will do anything to make you happy and it seems like this is something you’d really like, my sweet tree. **

“I don’t know…” Dipper really wanted to but he wasn’t sure it was the best idea. “Let me think about it.” Bill didn’t respond and Dipper was worried he had upset the demon. “I’m sorry.” No response. Dipper sighed loudly and Mabel didn’t even notice, continuing to talk about everything. Now, with Bill ignoring him, he really had no one. It made him want to cry. Was he really so starved for attention that when he wasn’t receiving it he couldn’t function?

Finally, after what felt like forever, they were home. The shack looked different to Dipper for some reason. It felt like a fortress that would have beasts inside that would hurt him if he went in. He really, really, really, didn’t want to leave the car. Taking a deep breath, Dipper opened the car door, shutting it behind him as he trailed behind Mabel, who was already bounding inside. 

Walking into the kitchen made Dipper feel anxious and sweaty, heart beating fast as he looked around the area as Mabel went to turn on the lights. This was the place he had tried to end his life and where he was so close to-

“Surprise!” The light flicked on and Stan, Ford, Wendy, and lots of Mabel’s friends and the people in the town were all in the kitchen. Wendy was even leaning against the counter at the spot where Dipper had poured the pills out. How could she act so chill when she was right where his life almost ended? It hurt to see everyone there and he wasn’t expecting it, and he almost started crying before he realized that everyone was watching him and his every move. 

Faking a smile, Dipper spoke, “Wow guys. Thank you so much. I missed you all.” The chatter started as soon as he finished his sentence, everyone turning to their friends, ignoring him once again. It made his anxiety diminish slightly, the fact that no one really seemed to care, but his depressed mood only worsened. He walked over to his Grunkles, hoping that talking to them would at least get his mind in a different direction. “Hey.” 

“Dipper!” They both exclaimed, scooping the boy into a group hug. It had the opposite effect than they probably intended; he felt worse in their embrace because they never hugged him. It seemed like they were trying too hard to show their love for him. Nonetheless, he hugged back, forcing himself to enjoy the moment. They asked him how he was doing and promised to do better in helping him. Ford kept eyeing him curiously, as if Dipper was his test subject who he was trying to figure out. Stan was rather normal, chatting to him about other things than his experience in the hospital, clearly trying to avoid that subject. Eventually, Ford escaped to the basement, squeezing Dipper’s shoulder before leaving, and then Stan turned to him.

“Son, you know I’m here for you if you ever need to talk about anything. I may not understand it all, but I want to be there for you because I care about you.” Dipper nodded, muttering a thanks before giving his Grunkle one last hug because it seemed like an appropriate response. It was the last thing he wanted to do, but he had to act normal. He didn’t want anyone to worry about him anymore than they already had. Dipper really wanted to escape to his room, but he knew it would only draw more attention to himself and then everyone would really be talking about him, so he grabbed a can of Pit Soda and sat down against the railing of the stairs, sipping it every once in a while. 

“Sup, Dipper.” It was Wendy, who was also carrying a Pit Soda in one hand as she sat down next to him. “It’s been a bit. I’m sorry I haven’t been keeping in touch as often. I’ve been really busy with college and shit. I’ll try better.” She took a huge gulp before continuing, “Wanna get out of here? You seem to not be enjoying this and to be honest, neither am I. I told Mabel it would be a bad idea, but she ignored me. A pity party would not be the first thing I would want to be at after having a rough few weeks.” 

Dipper laughed, “Sounds like Mabel. Yeah, let’s go to my room.” He was taken back by the fact that she could still recognize his discomfort. She always had a way of doing that, making him feel noticed and cared for. It was one of the reasons that he had a crush on her all those years ago. She always knew how to cheer him up and make him feel included. She stood up, reaching her hand out, helping Dipper to his feet. 

“You head on up, I’ll tell Mabel we are going upstairs and grab a couple things for us to enjoy.” Dipper nodded and walked upstairs. The creaking was familiar but it still felt so odd to hear it after all this time. The walk to his room also felt strange to him. It was as if he was experiencing it for the first time, even though he had been here only weeks ago. When he opened the door to his room, he knew that something was off about it. Everything looked the same but he knew that someone had been in here. 

“Fuck.” Dipper set his can of soda down and started rummaging through his drawers. He dropped all of his clothes and belongings on the floor, even stripping his bed for the knife he had hidden under his pillows. His fear became a reality when after searching the whole room, he couldn’t find a single blade. All of his tools for harming himself had disappeared and he could feel angering bubbling up. They had no right to take his things, even if they believed it would help him heal. They weren’t theirs to take! He wanted to stomp downstairs and yell at his Grunkles and sister but he knew that wasn’t going to end well. He groaned in frustration and flopped on his bed, putting the pillow over his mouth and screaming loudly, the sound muffled in hopes that no one would hear. 

“Shit, man. What happened in here?” Dipper had forgotten that Wendy wanted to hang out with him during his meltdown and he lifted the pillow off his face, glancing up at her and to his surprise, laughing. She looked at him in amusement and laughed with him, words still managing to come out, “You are so fucking weird sometimes.” It only made him laugh harder and for a long moment, he couldn’t stop. 

“Sorry, sorry.” He breathed in, finally settling down. She grinned and motioned for him to scoot over, which he did. She passed him a drink and sat some various snacks down. He looked at the can she brought and was surprised when the label was a local beer brand. “Beer?” He asked as he watched her open her own can and take a big gulp.

She grimaced before responding, “Fuck this shit is tasty everytime.” She took another gulp and continued, “Yeah, I figured you might need this shit to feel a little better. I know you probably shouldn’t, but I’ll be here the whole time and I’ll take care of you. I just wanted you to let loose a little, relax and chat with me, y’know? Like old times, expect now we can get wasted.” Wendy gestured to the remaining six cans on the floor and raised the can currently in her hand in the air for a toast, “To forgetting for a night!”

Dipper quickly popped his can open and clinked it against Wendy’s, “To forgetting!” He chugged the can in one gulp, trying to ignore the bitter taste as he crumpled it and threw it to the ground. Wendy cheered and quickly followed as he grabbed two more cans from the ground, tossing one to her. They repeated this until all the cans were empty on the floor and they were laughing loudly.

“Fuck man! I forgot how fun you were!” She giggled, resting her head against his shoulder, causing Dipper to giggle too.

“Yeah, I’m loads of fun. Like that time I almost cried when Mabel made me go into Dusk 2 Dawn with all your friends and I was scared shitless.” She snorted and pushed his shoulder playfully, laughing when he fell onto the bed, her falling on top of him.

“Or that time you had a crush on me for forever?” After she said that, she got quiet, realizing the position that they were in. Before Dipper could blink, her lips were on his, capturing him in a kiss. Dipper couldn’t believe what was happening. It was as if he was dreaming. 

At first Dipper moved to push her away, but as she deepened the kiss and scooted further onto him, Dipper couldn’t help but move his lips too. He felt like this was what he was missing all his childhood, her lips against his own, her body pressing into his, but for some reason, it didn’t feel right. The nerves he felt when he kissed Bill were gone and his heart wasn’t beating rapidly. There was no desire at all but still he let her kiss him. She moaned and started grinding down on his crotch causing his body to respond. It wasn’t as rough as how Bill liked it, but still it got a response out of him.

**Stop.**

Dipper ignored the voice in the back of his head as Wendy broke the kiss and started to take her shirt off. Dipper had never seen a girl naked before, except for when he walked into Mabel changing in her room, and he watched her curiously. Was her skin as soft as he imagined it would be when he was younger? He moved his hands up to help her get the shirt off and onto the floor. He stared at her chest before looking back up into her eyes, blushing slightly at being caught in the act of looking at her like that. Her eyes were hazy and she looked tired, but she grinned, grabbing his hands and putting them on her breasts. Through the fabric of her bra, Dipper massaged her chest, intrigued by the way it felt and the way it got Wendy to respond. 

**Pine Tree. Stop, now.**

Wendy moaned into his touch, reaching down to unbutton her pants and slide them off. She got distracted by his movements and stopped to wrap her hands around his neck, pulling him in for another kiss. It was so soft, so much unlike the kisses Dipper had experienced with Bill. There was no passion, no teeth, only soft little pecks that didn’t do much for him. But how could he reject her if she was willinging and ready in his lap. They continued kissing for a while before she broke away to take a deep breath. She looked into his eyes and smirked, slipping her hands under his shirt and started to force it up. The reaction it had on Dipper was instantaneous. Dipper flinched, pushing her back and scooting away from her. He must have shoved pretty hard because she yelled, “Ouch!” and looked up at him in anger. “What the hell is wrong with you? I thought you were enjoying this!” She gestured to his crotch, which due to his tight pants, was tented and clearly visible. “You can’t just push me! Do you want to do this or not?” Dipper figured it was the alcohol that was making her react so strongly, not the fact that she was about to be rejected. It wasn’t as if she actually liked him. Dipper was sure this was for fun and nothing else. But still, Dipper felt horrible.

“Fuck…” Dipper groaned in frustration, rubbing his eyes for a second before looking back up to her, “I can’t be naked in front of you. I just...can’t. I feel like-I feel like I’m too exposed.”

“So you wanted to have sex with me with your clothes on?” 

“It made sense in my head at the time.”

“You are such an idiot. This was a mistake. I hope I’m drunk enough to forget it.” She scrambled to put her clothes back on, glaring at him in the process, before storming out of his room, slamming the door behind her. Dipper was left alone, slightly aroused but more concerned about how this would change their friendship. Would she still want to be friends with him after the shit he pulled? How could he think that he could have engaged in sex with her. What was he thinking? Bill had told him that no one would love him like this but yet he still tried to see if someone could. He could never show her or anyone his body at its current state. 

“Fuck. Fuck.” Dipper cursed, upset at himself for engaging anything with her and upset that he let himself get hurt in the process. Then he realized that Bill had told him to stop. And he hadn’t listened. “Oh fuck me.” Dipper knew that this wasn’t going to end well. His heart sank and the anxiety returned, even the amount of alcohol he had drunk wasn’t able to take his mind off of the events that had occured. He didn’t want to have to go downstairs to get more, especially if Wendy was down there complaining about him to everyone else. What could he do to ease his mind? His blades weren’t there and his medication was downstairs with Mabel because he couldn’t be trusted with it. So he sat there, body thrumming with nerves, legs and hands shaking, unable to calm down. “Bill?” He thought maybe talking to the demon would make things better. There was no response. “Bill...I’m sorry, please. I need you.”

**You disobeyed me. Do you understand how much you fucked up?**

“I do! I shouldn’t have done that and I feel super bad. I’m so sorry. I didn’t even like it-” Dipper rambled, hoping that something he could say would make the demon forget his actions. 

**I don’t think you get it, Pine Tree. You are MINE and you let HER touch you. You are contaminated by her touch. I think you need a lesson.**

The world went gray as Bill appeared, eye glowing red and a snarl on his face. Bill walked over to the bed, glaring at the younger boy before grabbing his throat, forcing the air out of his lungs. “You thought it was okay for her to kiss you. You even liked it. I am going to make you forget all about her. I am the only person who matters. I thought you understood. I will make you mine and I will take you away from this place to one where the only thing you’ll ever know is my name: Master Cipher.” Dipper had tears streaming down his face as he struggled to get air back into his lungs. The words stung and burned, but Dipper knew that this was his fate. Eventually, he would be taken away from this life and forced into a new life with the demon. Right now, all he could feel was fear and Bill’s words made his anxiety even worse. He brought his hands on top of Bill’s, trying to pry them off, but Bill was too strong. His attempts of pushing him away were useless. Dipper’s vision went black and he could feel all the air leaving before he was released onto the bed, the air rising back up like a balloon. 

He scrambled to get into a seated position, instead of the vulnerable spread out one he was in, but he wasn’t fast enough and Bill pushed him back down on his back as soon as he noticed the boy’s movements. Dipper gulped down as much air as he could, chest heaving and throat unable to expand as much as Dipper wished it could. “I’m sorry. It was a mistake. What can-what can I do to fix this?” Dipper coughed each word out, struggling to talk and hoping that the words would reach the demon, who was still baring his teeth at him as he sat on top of the younger. 

“You can shut up. Don’t speak unless I tell you to. Do you understand?” Bill growled, glaring down at the boy. 

Dipper wasn’t sure if he should respond but Bill dug his sharp nails into his side, which Dipper saw as a sign that he needed to. Dipper spoke quickly, whispering a, “Yes.”

“Yes what? Let me hear you say it.”

“Yes Master Cipher.” Dipper's stomach churned as he realized how pathetic he must be. He was compiling with the enemy, letting Bill walk all over him, and he didn’t even put up a fight. What would his family think if they saw him like this? They would no longer want him. He was disgusting. 

Bill cackled at Dipper's thoughts, satisfied that the words were getting across. “Now here’s what is going to happen.” The demon paused as a sharp knife appeared in his hand. “I am going to give you your punishment and you will not complain. If I hear you cry out or scream, I will make this worse for you. You are going to stay still like the good little whore you are.” Dipper swallowed, anxiety rising up worse than before as he listened to the demon speak. He eyed the knife wearily, not wanting this to happen. Usually when Bill helped him cut, it was pleasurable and fun, ending with him smiling or moaning. But he knew that this would not be the case. He would only end up crying. 

Dipper was taken out of his deep thoughts when the cold air startled his now bare chest. His shirt had disappeared and Bill set the knife on top of his stomach. Bill reached over, a pair of handcuffs in hand, clasping Dipper’s hands together and putting them above his head. It took all of Dipper's energy to not flinch or try to move his hands away as he sat there looking up at the other with eyes full of fear but a little bit of curiosity shining through. Handcuffs were something new and exciting, and he wondered why the demon had chosen them for the punishment.

The knife appeared in the demon's hand again and he grabbed Dipper’s face, making sure that the boy's eyes were locked on his own. Bill grinned manically, every sharp tooth visible, as he licked the blade with his tongue, blood dripping down onto Dipper’s chest as he did so. Dipper felt sickened by the sight, stomach churning and all the beer trying to force itself back up, but he resisted the urge. 

Bill dragged his finger against Dipper’s chest, collecting the blood that had pooled there onto his fingers. “Open your mouth.” Dipper’s heart sunk as he realized what was about to happen. He was mortified at the thought of tasting the demon’s blood. But, he was too scared about what would happen if he didn’t. Hesitantly, Dipper opened his mouth wide, eyes still locked on the demon, spreading wide in fear. Bill shoved his fingers into the boy’s mouth, laughing when the boy grimaced as he closed down on them. “Suck them off.” Dipper once again did as he was told, sucking on Bill’s fingers, tongue trying to get every drop of blood off in hopes that it would make this end faster. The taste was absolutely revolting, metal-like and bitter, making Dipper’s stomach hurt more as he lapped it up obediently. Bill pushed Dipper’s head off after a few moments with a loud popping noise that embarrassed the young boy. There were strings of saliva connecting his mouth to the demon’s fingers, and drool dripping down his chin. Dipper had never felt lower in his life.

Bill hummed in thought as he looked at his fingers and when he saw that they were clean, he smiled contentedly. “Good boy.” The praise, along with the sexual connotations of him licking Bill’s fingers off, made Dipper’s body react. Bill laughed as he felt the boy’s cock harden beneath him, “You really are a whore. You like this, me telling you what to do and I know you will like your punishment even more but if you even think about coming, I will make this worse for you. Understand?”

“Yes, Master Cipher.” Dipper wished that the erection would go away or that Bill would disappear, proving to be just a figure of his imagination, but he knew that those thoughts were fantasy. He would never get what he wanted. Bill would take advantage of him over and over again, not caring about if his feelings got hurt. Tears threatened to spill out of his eyes as his thoughts went to these dark places, but he didn’t want to give Bill that satisfaction. He had already gotten hard, he didn’t need to react anymore than that. He felt betrayed by his own body.

Bill was amused by the boy’s thoughts, happy that he was breaking the boy’s will down second by second. Soon the boy would give in completely and agree to be his forever. Bill knew what he could do to leave a constant reminder of his ownership of Dipper. Tossing the knife between each hand, he looked down at the boy, pondering what place would be best. He decided the center of his chest would be a good location, big and unable to be mistaken. Grinning, Bill got to work, bending down and touching the tip of the knife to Dipper’s chest, laughing when the boy flinched at the cold touch. 

Bill pressed the blade into the other’s chest, letting it sink in deep, blood rising up in response to the intrusion. Dipper laid there, wincing each time Bill dug the knife in deeper as he made line after line. Dipper bit his lip to stop himself from crying out, but it wasn’t enough to stop the constant flow of tears that dripped down his cheeks. Bill would move his hips down against Dipper, making him feel the intense pain with pleasure. It was confusing to his brain, his mouth unsure whether to scream out in pain or moan in pleasure. The moment seemed to never end, the cuts only getting deeper and deeper and the roll of Bill’s hips faster and faster. Dipper was so close to his orgasm and was trying so hard to focus on the pain that was administered to his body to prevent it from happening. Dipper looked down, the sight of his own blood only making him feel more aroused. Bill was carving in a circle on his chest, with two lines so he could curve brick like shapes in the border of it. On the inside was a triangle, the demon’s triangle, with an eye in the center of it. It seemed to blink up at Dipper as he looked down and Dipper tried to focus on that instead of the pleasure that he kept feeling with each jut of the demon’s hips.

Dipper tried to close his eyes but there was a force that was preventing him from doing so. It felt like someone was prying his eyes open, forcing him to look at the sight below him: a sexy and angry demon craving his symbol onto his naked chest while grinding down onto him. All he wanted to do was block the sight out of his mind and focus on the horrible feeling of dread that he felt as he let himself submit to the person who had fucked up not only his life, but everyone he loved as well. The feeling of pleasure only got more intense as Bill finished up the final touches of the carving and despite him not wanting to, he came right there in his pants. His body had truly betrayed him. Dipper wanted to apologize immediately but knew that speaking would only anger the demon more, so he kept his mouth shut. 

Bill seemed to not have noticed, as he continued to rut against the boy, finally setting the knife down onto the bed, blood getting on the gray sheets standing out profusely. Bill unzipped his pants, pulling his cock out, as if he was displaying it to Dipper. Sure, Dipper had seen it before but not like this. All Dipper could do was stare at the sight of the demon stroking himself off in hurried motions, fist sliding up and down rapidly. Dipper wished that the sight would repulse him but instead, his cock twitched in his pants, showing interest in what he saw. 

“Pine Tree....the things I want to do to you. The things I WILL get to do to you. You will never be able to feel pleasure from anyone else. Only me. You are MINE.” Bill shouted as he finally reached his orgasm, come spraying all over the boy, mixing in with the blood that was littered all over him. To Dipper’s disbelief, the sight was enough to make him come in his pants again, without even being touched. His body slumped as he moaned loudly, his voice making him unable to hide what he had just done. 

“Naughty boy.” Bill glared down at him, eyes still red in anger, “Not only did you come. You came twice. Don’t think I didn’t notice.” Bill bent over and bit the boy’s neck, so hard that Dipper cried out in pain and started sobbing. The teeth that bit him were not human, they were so sharp and able to go so deep into his flesh. Dipper’s face was grabbed as Bill pulled off his neck. Dipper could see the smirk in the demon’s eyes and the blood dripping from his red stained lips. Bill kissed the boy roughly, making Dipper taste his own blood and forcing him to stay there as he did so. Dipper wanted to push away, he really did, but with his hands still handcuffed and legs unwilling to move, he stayed put. Once again, his body reacted to the kiss, or maybe it was the taste of his own blood, but either way he started to get hard again. Dipper wasn’t even sure how it was physically possible, he wasn’t a teenager anymore! 

Bill pulled away without warning and pushed Dipper’s head down onto the bed, “You enjoy any punishment I give you. You really are a whore.” Bill laughed and spit on the boy’s face, “You’d probably be able to come again if I would let you. Do you really think anyone could love you? Red? Shooting Star? Sixer? They will never want you especially now that you are marked with my symbol. Your punishment for coming starts now. I’ll see you soon, slut.” 

Dipper was once again left alone in his bed. The handcuffs disappeared but the aching feeling in his chest only got stronger. Everything hurt. His hands, his chest, his neck, his legs, his head. Just everything. He felt so disgusting and dirty. Bill would always be right, wouldn’t he? He was too exhausted to even cry, so he sat there messy and frustrated. 

No one would ever love him. He tried to tell himself that this was a lie, but it was the cold hard truth. Bill was his only option. As he sat there, he felt numb, like he wasn’t real anymore. Was Bill even real? Was anything real anymore? He couldn’t believe what had happened. How he let himself go even though he didn’t even want it. He was so fucked up. So fucking fucked up. He hated Bill but somehow he hated himself even more. Sleep didn’t come the night or any of the nights that followed. 

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Dipper spent weeks barely existing. All he seemed to do was sit in his bed in that same position, knees pressed against his chest, arms around them squeezing tight. The wounds Bill gave him throbbed constantly, a reminder of what had happened. He bandaged his wounds every morning and every night, trying to hide them under an oversized black sweater. He was worried because Mabel said she would check his body for cuts if she thought he was hurting himself again. What would she say when she saw Bill Cipher’s mark on full display on his pale body. It seemed to stick out from all the other cuts. Dipper wasn’t sure if it was from them being new or if Bill purposefully made it that way. The bite mark on his neck wasn’t healing at all, in fact if he talked too much to one of his family members, it would reopen and he would have to scramble to stop the bleeding before someone saw.

This only caused Dipper’s hatred for the demon to grow. He wondered if Bill even saw him as an individual anymore. He was certain that the demon just thought he was a puppet he could control. His dreams would reflect these thoughts, nightmares of Bill controlling him to do horrible things haunting him everytime he let himself doze off for an hour or so. He would see himself kill Mabel, kill Stan, kill Ford, kill Wendy, kill his parents, kill his bullies, like an insane serial killer whose only motive was for thrill and excitement. He would also have sex dreams about the demon fucking him over and over again in different positions, in different places, different kinks. It was revolting. The worst part was that his body always reacted to them and he’d always wake up before his dream self would come. He couldn’t bare to touch himself anymore, but Bill would taunt him, trying to get him to do so. It was his way of defying the demon but it didn’t make it any easier.

His thoughts would drift to Bill constantly, his brain making him relieve their moments together on repeat. Dipper truly believed there was something fucked up with him because he did love the demon at one point and he did think the feelings were mutual. Bill could never love him. Bill was a demon who was manipulative and charming to get his way. Even when he was younger and first met the demon, Bill wooed him enough to get him to shake his hand to make a deal. Bill Cipher was the most charismatic, annoying, controlling, and jealous person Dipper had ever met. All Bill wanted was to have Dipper fall onto his lap like a puppy dog and there was no way Dipper would ever let that happen, especially now. The demon wouldn’t even talk to him anymore. Dipper should have been happy about this but he missed the demon despite all the things he had done to him. Dipper wished he could punch the demon in the face and tell him how much he hated him but everytime he had a dream of doing this, it would turn into Bill taking him roughly and Dipper loving every second of it.

Dipper once tried to carve over the symbol of Bill, but everytime he got close to it with anything, he would get shocked and pass out for a second as if Bill was telling him he couldn’t escape him. The thing is Dipper didn’t want to exist, not for himself and especially not for Bill Cipher. Bill couldn’t force him to live, could he? Dipper was scared that if he tried to get away, Bill would really make his life hell like he promised those weeks ago when he tried taking pills. But, it wouldn’t hurt to try would it? Each time his mind drifted to killing himself, the pain of the wounds would intensify until he was sobbing in pain. It was like a warning. 

Dipper could see the worried looks of Mabel, Stan, and Ford only grow. It hurt Dipper to lie to them and tell them he was fine, but it was what he had to do if he wanted to leave them. He was preparing to kill himself and be successful. He was pleasant to them, talking to them so they would be less worried, even listening to what Ford had to say about how Bill was in his head. Ford seemed less absorbed in his theory, but he still sneaked down to the basement when he was certain no one was watching, but Dipper always was. 

Dipper’s plan was going to work. He was going to escape this world, himself, and most importantly Bill Cipher. He was certain of it. It was a perfect time to try because the demon seemed occupied at the current moment. He hadn’t talked to Dipper, hadn’t made the wounds he created worse for awhile, and seemed to be gone from the world completely. Dipper didn’t think he would have another chance. So he planned and planned. He knew his Grunkles were going out of town that weekend and Mabel was planning on sleeping over at Pacifica’s. In fact, they had a conversation with Dipper saying that they were trusting him to keep himself safe from harm. They locked the cabinet with the pills and all the sharp objects around the house seemed to disappear. Even the kitchen knives and scissors were not there anymore. With all the precautions they were taking, Dipper was sure this would be the perfect time to follow through with his plan.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Life had never felt more pointless than it did to Dipper Pines at this current moment. He sat on the cold tiles in the tub and wondered what was the point. Why was he here? No one would care if he was gone. Absolutely no one. His sister, Mabel, might be sad but she’d get over it. Grunkle Stan wouldn’t even cry, he’d be relieved. All the trouble that Dipper had been up to lately made his Grunkle angry. Dipper was sure he was looking for a way to get rid of his problematic nephew. 

The faucet let a few drops of cold water fall on Dipper’s foot which caused him to look up. He saw his reflection against the dirty mirror and grimaced. Baggy eyes, pale skin, shaggy hair, skinny legs. He looked horrible. It made him wonder if anyone could ever love him. He doubted it. Sighing, he stood up on shaky feet and grabbed the knife that was resting on the toilet. He brought it to his wrist and bit his cheek in anticipation. He pressed the blade in his skin, enjoying the burn that it brought. The feeling made him feel alive. Ignoring the pain, Dipper sunk it a little deeper and started moving it sideways. He could taste blood in his mouth but he kept going, biting harder and cutting faster. His legs collapsed and he fell to his knees with a thud. 

A knock on the door made Dipper drop the knife, it made a clunk against the tiles causing him to jump. “Dipper? Are you in there?” A voice that could only be Mabel asked. Dipper heard the knob being pulled, luckily he had locked the door, but the noise still made his heart race. His head was feeling fuzzy and he tried to speak but the words were gone. He glanced down and saw the blood flooding out of the cut. The sight of his own blood made him smile.

“Dipper! Answer me right now! Or I’m going to get the key.” He didn’t respond. “Dipper!” She was sounding hysterical. He heard her footsteps racing down the hall and then the stairs. 

“Fuck.” Dipper groaned. She was supposed to be out of the house. They weren’t supposed to interfere. He had to hurry. He didn’t have much time. With shaky hands, he brought the knife to the other wrist. He felt dizzy. It was hard to focus but he still dragged it across the fragile skin. A laugh erupted from his chest. This was too easy! In a matter of minutes, he would either be rushed to a hospital or finally be gone. He was only 18 but the idea of living any longer than that made him sick. When he could no longer focus, Dipper dropped the knife onto the tiles. His blood splattered all over the wall and the sight made it more real. This was really happening. It wasn’t another sick nightmare that only ended with him waking up. This was the end. He could finally be free from himself. 

Dipper laid down, mouth turned upright in a grin. The pain made him see stars but he continued smiling, peaceful and happy to be leaving this world. Just as he was about to let himself pass out, the world turned to gray. “No, no!” He screamed and sat up, “This can’t be happening! Let me die! Fuck!” No one responded but he knew _ he _ was watching. No one other than Bill Cipher could be responsible for this. Dipper could feel his wrists stitching themselves back up and his blood disappearing. 

**“Well, well, well. Looks like someone decided to have some fun without me.” **The voice was deep and Dipper could feel the room vibrate from the power behind it. It made him shiver. 

“Why am I here?” Dipper asked the empty room, ignoring the demon's comment. When no one responded he continued, “I didn’t ask for you to save me. I was content dying. Can you please just let me?” 

**“As much as I love to hear you beg, I can’t let you go my sweet little Pine Tree.” ** A hand wrapped around his throat, tapping against it gently. **“I could use you. I want to use you. I will use you.”**

Dipper tried to get out of the demon’s grasp, but his movement only caused more hands to reach down and constrain him. “I’m not agreeing to anything. I don’t want anything to do with you,” he said, glaring at the empty room. “I will never let you use me. I’m not your bitch.”

**“You aren’t my bitch yet.” **The hands started rubbing his bare skin, causing Dipper to flinch and try to throw them off. 

“Let me fucking go!” He screamed which made one cover his mouth. Dipper bit the hand hard, causing a chuckle to echo off the bathroom walls. 

  
**“You’ll learn your place soon enough. I know that you don’t want to live anymore but let me tell you a little secret.” ** The hand on Dipper’s throat tightened, causing him to struggle breathing. **“I don’t care. Now let’s have some fun.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so...i might have written 30 pages for this chapter which is why it took so long to come out! but instead of feeding you 30 pages of garbage all at once, i decided to spread it out but i'll combine it all into one big chapter after i release all of it. good news is that once this chapter is finished, we will be off to the main story line! once again, thank you all for reading, i really appreciate all the love and support. also! shout out to my very good friend and excellent writer @DimentiosCipher , who is very talented and supportive, please go check out their work <3


	5. nothing's gonna harm you, not while i'm around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, please read the updated tags before reading!

“Dipper.”

_ He couldn’t see anything. Something black and slimy was covering his eyes, blocking out the world around him. He could feel himself shake as more...arms, tentacles, he wasn’t sure what they were, but they slithered up his body, restraining him. He felt trapped and he desperately wanted to get out. He was so scared of what Bill was going to do to him. He had disobeyed. He had fucked up so bad. _

“Dipper.”

_ He tried to scream as he felt himself being lifted into the air, not very far, but it was enough to make him feel more frightened. Another tentacle slipped into his mouth, making him gag at the intrusion. He had never had something so big in his mouth like this and it took some adjusting to. Everytime he felt like he could handle it, the tentacle would get larger, making it even harder to breathe. Another one circled around his neck, cutting his air off. It was too much and he tried to move his mouth to get the tentacle in a better position, but it only caused it to slip further down his throat, making him gasp for air that he couldn’t find. Warm fluid started to pump into his mouth, slipping from his lips, causing it to drip all over his chin and down his chest. It felt revolting.  _

“Dipper.”

_ To his dismay, he could feel himself hardening as the tentacle had its way with him, starting to slip out and thrust back in, fucking his throat relentlessly. Tears spilled down his cheeks, face flushed in embarrassment, as he tried to keep up. All he wanted was to reach down and touch himself, to relieve some of the stress he was feeling. As more liquid pumped into his throat, he could feel himself start to become desperate for relief. He couldn’t in the position he was in and he didn’t want to because it would make Bill win. That he was willing to take whatever Bill was doing to him. He had to fight back. Anger bubbled up inside of him as he remembered the events leading up to this point. He bit down hard on the tentacle, but it only made the tentacle grow impossibly larger and dump more and more fluid into his mouth. When he tried again, the same result happened, making the situation even worse. _

“Dipper!”

_ There was nothing he could do. He couldn’t fight back, it was useless. All the sudden, another tentacle made its way inside of him, slipping in between his cheeks without any warning. The feeling of being so full was overwhelming and he felt himself go limp. If it wasn’t for the tentacles keeping him lifted, he was sure he would have collapsed onto the floor. The one in his ass started to set a brutal pace, finding his prostate immediately and repeatedly hitting it, not letting Dipper have a moment to catch his breath. The one in his mouth started matching the others pace, never letting him have a moment where he was empty. Dipper was sure he was going to come, but as soon as he felt his orgasm start to hit, another tentacle slipped down and tightened around his cock. Dipper groaned in frustration, letting the tentacle slip even further down his throat, making it impossible to breathe once again. This was torture. _

“DIPPER!” 

_ “Pine Tree.” The voice made Dipper jump and his heart start racing. “This could all be over if you just said the word. I offered you a deal and you refused. You could feel this pleasure everyday and have the chance to be the most intelligent being in the world, well besides me. I would let you come. I’m sure right now you would do anything to feel relief.” A gloved hand trailed down his spine, cupping his ass playfully. “All I would ask in return is to have you become mine. Your mind, body, and soul would belong to me. I think I am being fairly generous.” The tentacle in his mouth slipped out, causing Dipper to gasp, trying to collect as much air as he could. His throat felt raw and sore, and he coughed trying to bring it back to normal. “What do you say, my tree?” _

_ “Fuck you.” He rasped out, coughing immediately after speaking. _

_ Bill laughed, manically, voice echoing in the chamber that they were in. Dipper could feel his pulse in his ears, beating rapidly with fear. The hand on his ass slapped down hard. Dipper cried out in pain, but it didn’t stop the blows that kept coming. The gloved hands made it worse and Dipper could feel himself starting to pass out. He wasn’t sure it was from the lack of air or the intense pain. He wasn’t sure how many times he had been spanked, but it didn’t matter. There was nothing he could do except beg for forgiveness. He jumped as he felt warm air on his neck and sharp teeth piercing his skin but not going all the way through. “Now, now, don’t be difficult. Clearly you don’t understand what you want yet. I suppose I can leave you here for a bit and see if that clears your head.” _

_ “Bill-” _

_ “You know that’s not what you should call me.” Bill’s tongue tsked in disappointment, as the tentacles tightened their hold on the boy. Both tentacles slipped back into Dipper’s oversensitive holes and he tried to scream out, to apologize, but it was no use. All he could do was sit, well hang, there and take it. He could hear Bill’s footsteps leaving and he started sobbing as much as he could. He had no energy left for this. He wanted it to be over so bad. The one on his cock started moving up and down, causing Dipper to flinch, falling a little as the tentacles softened before tightening back up. It was too much. Way too much and as soon as he felt himself steering towards the edge, the motion would stop, forcing the boy to not come, only to take the small bits of pleasure he was given with no relief. The sting of his ass only made it worse; it made him want to come more than anything else in his life- _

“DIPPER! Are you even listening?” Mabel screamed, frustrated as she crossed her arms, glaring at him from across the table.

Dipper blinked, forcing himself to come back to reality. His mind was spinning and he couldn’t focus on anything else except for what had happened. He felt so humiliated and used. He was so glad Mabel couldn’t read his thoughts. “Yes, sorry. I was distracted.” 

“Jesus. You freaked me out. I called your name like a million times, bro-bro.” Mabel sighed in relief, before continuing to speak, “You are not allowed to do that! You can’t hide in the bathroom and not answer when I yell for you. Do you have any idea how scared I was?”

“Mabel, I didn’t mean to scare you. That was not my inten-”

“Well, you did! What the hell were you even doing in there!”

“Well...uh…” Dipper’s face flushed bright red, coughing awkwardly, as he tried to cover up what was actually doing. He hoped that his story would be believable. “A guy has needs. I couldn’t hear you. I was...busy.”

“EW.” Mabel grimaced, “Stop talking. I don’t want to hear about it. I get it. At least yell an affirming ‘I’m okay Mabel’ before continuing. Now roll up your sleeves.”

“Mabel. I literally just told you what I was doing. Why do you need to check my arms? There’s nothing in the house I could have used!”

“Then why are you defending yourself so much.”

“God. You are so fucking annoying sometimes.” Dipper saw her small smile fall and he rushed to say something that would make her feel better, “I don’t mean that. I just mean I hate doing this, but you are really kind for checking.” The words were forced but he knew that he had to at least be a little nice to her. If she did anything else, he knew that he would blow up at her because of the negative state of mind he was already in. Her smile returned, gesturing for Dipper to reveal his skin. Dipper rolled his eyes a little before pushing the fabric up to reveal the many scars there. He turned them around so she could check on the back of his arm too. There were no fresh cuts, but the one on his chest still ached every once a while. 

Mabel grabbed Dipper’s arms, flipping them over again making sure that she wasn’t missing anything. Dipper wished that this would be over so he could lay down on his bed and pretend that this shitty day was over. “You are in the clear Mister Dip’ n’ Dots!” She let him roll the sleeves back down and Dipper did so quickly, glad to be done with that whole ordeal. “But, seriously,” She paused to grab his hand, “Don’t scare me like that again. I’m going to check every week now because-”

“Because I can’t be trusted. I get it Mabel.” Dipper was not in the mood for her acting like this. He had reached his limit with her. He wasn’t a fucking child and yet she still treated him like such. “Just don’t be such a bitch about it.” She looked at him, mouth opening wide in shock. Dipper felt a twinge of regret lurch in his stomach and he tried not to think about it. He was only being honest and that was what she wanted. He stormed off, pushing off from his chair and stomping up to his room. He really wanted to strangle her and it scared him. He had to get away. He slammed the door to his room and flopped onto his bed. But now, with no one to talk to, he had no distraction from his thoughts and everything came back to him in a flood of terrible memories.

_ Dipper had been hanging in the air for far too long. His head felt fuzzy from the blood loss and the loss of air. He was so sensitive to every movement of the tentacles and every time he felt himself drifting away to unconsciousness, the ones in his ass and mouth would start up again. The tentacle on his cock would release, letting himself build up but would always cut him off with only seconds to release. It was pure torture. He just wished it was over. “Bill…” he thought, hoping that somehow the demon would hear. That only made the sensations intensify and the pace quicken up. “Master!” Dipper tried to scream it but he couldn’t with this thing in his mouth, but it was enough for him to feel the gloved hand on his skin again.  _

_ “You called?” One hand replaced the tentacle on his neck, squeezing with enough force to remind Dipper who was in control. The other hand moved down towards one of his nipples, which he only knew because of the sudden pleasure that he felt from the movement. The fingers rubbed at the nub, the friction of the leather making it hurt worse but giving him even more pleasure than normal. “Have you changed your mind Pine Tree? Having second thoughts?”  _

_ Dipper was a mess. Covered in snot, precome, the nasty goop that the tentacles were leaking on and inside of him, and dried tears. He hated the power that the demon had over him. Bill always knew what would make him tick and cry for more. He wanted badly to resist and yell at the other as the tentacle slithered out of his mouth, but all that came out was a breathless moan. Saliva dripped out of his mouth and he was sure he looked absolutely wrecked. The tentacle in his ass stopped moving causing him to whine and try to rub his ass back down, but he was unable to find anything to grind onto. “Please…” Dipper managed to rasp out, still trying to get used to his refound ability to speak.  _

_ “That’s not what I am looking for. All you need to do is say one word and all this will be over.” The demon’s lips kissed his neck, before continuing, “One word and you will never feel alone again. One word and this pleasure will be yours for eternity. Just.” Another kiss. “One.” And another. “Word.” The lips were gone and so were the fingers teasing his nipple.  _

_ “Master.” Dipper’s heart started beating faster, this time in fear, as the tentacles around his body tightened even more, “I’m yours!” Dipper cried, hoping that the demon would relieve him in some way. _

_ Dipper couldn’t hear any response or feel anything. He was nervous he had said the wrong thing. What if that wasn’t what Bill wanted to hear? What if Bill didn’t want him anymore? Tears started to flow as he sobbed, anxiety coming back in full force. Bill was going to kill him. He should have said something sooner- _

_ All the sudden, hands were on his hips and Dipper could feel the tip of Bill’s cock against his hole before pushing in entirely. Dipper screamed in pleasure. He was so sensitive from the tentacles overstimulation and he wasn’t prepared for the sudden intrusion. Despite how big the tentacle was, Bill’s cock seemed impossibly huge. It filled him to the brim and Dipper was sure he was going to die. Bill laughed sweetly into his ear, “Death by my cock wouldn’t be too bad, would it?” Bill pulled all the way out before slamming back in, giving Dipper no time to recover. “After all, you are already such a slut for it, pet.” The new name only made Dipper’s arousal grow. He felt himself pushing his back, trying to intince Bill to move faster. It worked and the pace was brutal, but everything that Dipper wanted and more. The tentacle on his cock released and Bill whispered in his ear, “Come for me, Pine Tree.” And that was all Dipper needed before he released, moaning loudly. He didn’t even need Bill to touch him, he came undone with simply the feeling of the other inside him. Bill kept the pace, making Dipper twitch and his cock managing to start to harden once again. It seemed too fast and too slow all at once when Bill finally came, spilling inside the boy, stuffing him with his seed.  _

_ “You took it so well.” All the tentacles slithered off Dipper’s shaking body and he found himself being lowered to the ground, Bill’s arms supporting him as they went to the floor together. The one covering his eyes finally went away and Dipper, blinked, vision blurring, not used to the light. It took a few moments but finally Dipper was able to see and found himself staring at the face of the demon who now owned him. Dipper froze, realizing once again what he had done. The real implications of what he had agreed to and for what? For pleasure? Dipper started sobbing, body shaking as he did so, and worse of all the demon held him through his meltdown. Soothed him even, running his fingers through Dipper’s curly locks, massaging areas of his skin that were easily reached, and even having a towel materialize to clean the boy up. And when Dipper had finally stopped crying, stopped breathing so hard, the demon whispered praises in his ears of how amazing the boy was and words of love. It made Dipper so, so confused.  _

Dipper laid on his bed feeling so numb yet so many emotions at the same time. His heart lurched and ached, wanting him to process what had happened. Dipper really didn’t want to. He really didn’t. There was nothing to discuss through his mind. He had agreed to be Bill Cipher’s...plaything, slut, whore, bitch,  _ pet.  _ That was it. He desperately wanted to cry, to try anything to make himself feel better, but he couldn’t. He had no more tears left to spill. He had to accept this. There was no way Dipper could escape it anymore. And the worst part? Dipper wasn’t sure if he would even want to after all he had experienced. Dipper had enjoyed it and he wanted more. Dipper was sure he was insane.

___________________________________________________________________________

A knock on his door woke Dipper up. He rubbed his eyes and wet his mouth, yawning after he did so. Strangely, Dipper didn’t dream. He didn’t get any visits from Bill either. It was peaceful. The knock hit again, a little louder than before. 

**Don’t open it. He wants to hurt you. **

Dipper looked at the door and saw the lock turn, indicating that the door was now locked. Dipper tried to speak out, but all the sudden he couldn’t. It was as if someone took his vocal cords out. Everytime he tried to speak, the words were gone and no sounds even came out. 

**Don’t be difficult. **

_ I just wanted to talk to you. Not him. I promise.  _ Dipper’s hands started shaking and he felt himself getting more anxious. What could Grunkle Ford want? Dipper looked at his alarm clock and found that it was 01:45 AM. His Grunkles must have just returned home from their short vacation. Dipper wasn’t sure why Ford would try to talk to him so late at night. 

“Dipper, I know you are in there. I just want to talk. Can you please open the door?” Dipper felt the hold on his vocal cords tighten and no matter if he wanted to talk or not, he simply couldn’t. Dipper could hear that his Grunkle’s words were slurred, indicating that the man had been drinking. Dipper wondered why. What issue had caused the man to drink so much? “Dipper. I do so much for you, the least you can do is talk to me. I’m not trying to hurt you.”

**If Sixer even thinks about laying a finger on you, I won’t hesitate to kill him.**

_ You can’t kill him!  _ Dipper was panicking now. He couldn’t be the reason why his family got hurt. He just couldn’t. It would destroy him. He had already brought them all so much pain, they didn’t deserve any more.  _ Please, master. Promise me you won’t hurt him. _

The bed creaked a little as a body appeared behind him. Hands pulled Dipper against the other’s body as Bill whispered in his ear, “Pine Tree, it's cute that you are trying to make demands, but I’m the one in charge here. I don’t have to listen to you because I’ve already got what I wanted and that’s you. If he gets in my way or touches my property, I will hurt him. But only because I love you.”

Dipper was shocked. Love? The demon loved him? It didn’t make any sense to him. How could Bill be in love with him? Was the demon even capable of that emotion? Dipper almost forgot about Ford but he heard him grumble and finally walk away. The tension on his vocal cords finally relaxed and Dipper was able to speak. “You love me?” Dipper asked, turning himself around so he could face the demon. Bill smiled at him and gave him a kiss to the forehead.

“I thought that was obvious.” Bill kissed his right cheek and then his left. “I wanted to own you so I could protect you from harm. Sure, I have some other motives but I have grown quite fond of you, sapling. I hate human emotions but I can at least recognize them.” 

Dipper really didn’t know what to say. He was speechless. How could this be possible? Dipper felt himself smile, a small sheepish smile but a smile nonetheless. He felt mushy and sappy for this demon. It didn’t matter that Bill had used him and made him agree to be his pet, because Dipper had enjoyed it in the end. He liked being used by the other. He liked that Bill had power over him and could get him to do anything he wanted. He wished things were different and that Bill was just a normal human like him, but that wasn’t the case and it was stupid to imagine a scenario like that. Dipper kissed the demon on the lips softly before burying his head in the other's chest. It was too embarrassing to admit that he did too, but he realized in this moment that he always had ever since he was a kid. The demon was always there for him and had shown him love and affection his whole life. Even though he had brought him trauma and hurt his family and friends, it didn’t matter. He was Bill’s and he would always be Bill’s. It wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to him and in fact, he was happy that he would always have someone who loved him. Plus, he thought the protectiveness was cute.

The demon hugged Dipper tighter and whispered, “You are mine, kid. You are going to be mine for the rest of your life. Don’t worry, I won’t take you away yet. I still have plans for you here in this world.”

“Plans?” Dipper asked in confusion, closing his eyes as he wrapped his arms around the demon’s back. 

“Did you think I had abandoned my goal of making this world mine?”

Dipper froze, “You still want to take over the world?”

“Of course, I do! I’m an all powerful demon. Becoming the master of this world has always been my goal and you are just a small piece of making it a reality. If I have you by my side, I know I won’t fail. You have so much power inside of you, you just don’t realize it yet. Once I teach you how to use it, we would be unstoppable. Imagine, you and I hand and hand, ruling over all these meatsacks. If it makes you feel better, I can have you forget the moments of violence and murder but I think you’ll enjoy them. I’ve been inside your head. I know that you want to kill.”

Dipper considered saying that what the demon said wasn’t true, but he knew that there would be consequences if he did. “Why would I let you get away with this? How do you know this is something that I want too?”

“It doesn’t matter if you want it or not. You won’t be able to stop me and I know that deep inside you don’t want to. Don’t worry, there is still so much more that needs to happen before I can even attempt taking over again. That’s where you come in. You are going to do me little favors so that I could build my energy up. Even having sex with you helps. I can absorb your energy that way. But, killing releases so much more energy. I can absorb those souls and transform them into power.”

“I can’t kill someone! I can’t.” Even the thought of it made Dipper’s stomach churn. He wasn’t a murderer. He could never kill another being, even an animal seemed daunting to him.

“You can and you will. I’ll help you. It will be easy.” 

“Master...I don’t know-”

“It will be okay, Pine Tree. Just relax and sleep. Don’t worry about it right now.” The voice seemed to be enough for Dipper to calm down and he felt his body loosen up, relaxing in the others embrace. Soon, sleep found him and he closed his eyes, letting himself drift away. 

____________________________________________________________________________

_ Dipper could hear screaming from the basement and he crept down the stairs, making sure to not make any noise as he did so. He was worried that he would be caught if he did. He peered over the wall from his spot and saw Ford stabbing Bill with some sort of magical device. Bill was flashing back and forth from his human form and his demonic form as some sort of electricity went through him. _

_ “Ford, stop! You’re hurting him!” Dipper couldn’t help but run towards his Grunkle, pushing him to the ground as hard as he could. Ford was in shock at his intervention and was unable to fight back for a few seconds. It was enough to give Dipper the upper hand, allowing for Dipper to punch his Grunkle’s face, his glasses shattering as a result. “Stay.” Another punch. “Away.” One more. “From HIM!” Dipper screamed, hitting the face one last time before stopping to look at the damage. Ford was no longer recognizable, face smashed and bloody all around. His eyes were swollen and he seemed to be unconscious. Dipper looked down at his fists only to see them shaking and covered in blood. They stung and ached from the blows he had administered to Ford. “Fuck. Bill?” Dipper looked around, trying to find the demon, and when he couldn’t find him, he started to panic. _

_ “Please don’t be dead.” Dipper started crying hysterically, pushing himself off from his spot on top of Ford, to stand up. His legs shook and he wobbled as he walked, trying to find Bill. There was no sign of him anywhere. “Bill!” Dipper screamed, legs finally failing to support him, causing him to fall to the ground. “This is all my fault. I should have been more careful. I let him hurt you. Please...don’t be gone.” Dipper wrapped himself into a ball, sobbing loudly, causing him to not hear Ford getting back up.  _

_ “I did it. I did it.” Ford laughed maniacally, “He’s gone. I’ve won!” Ford fell to the ground just as quickly as he stood up, but couldn’t stop the laughter from escaping his lips. “You’ll be safe from him, Dipper. You won’t have to worry anymore. He’ll never hurt you again.”  _

_ Dipper stopped crying so he could process what the other had said. Ford had killed Bill. Killed him. Took the best part of his life away. Dipper forced himself to stand up, walking towards the work bench and grabbing a hammer that laid on top of the bench. Dipper walked over to Ford, shaking him until he looked into his eyes. “I hate you.” Dipper brought the hammer up and laughed as he brought it down onto Ford’s head, relishing in the crack that the sound made and the way Ford looked. He looked so terrified of Dipper and that was what Dipper had wanted. He wanted Ford to hurt just like he had made Dipper feel. After a few blows, the man was no longer breathing and Dipper was a mess of tears, blood, and laughter. It wasn’t enough. He didn’t feel any better. Bill was still gone and how could Dipper possibly live without him? Dipper dropped the hammer and stood up again, searching the room until he found a sharp knife. Slowly, he dragged the knife across his wrists, watching as blood poured out from each- _

____________________________________________________________________________

“Bill!” Dipper woke himself up screaming, “Bill...Bill!” He found himself in an empty bed and couldn’t see the demon anywhere. Dipper started crying, as he chanted the other’s name. It wasn’t real. He couldn’t be dead. Please. Please. “Master...please!” Dipper couldn’t breathe, air unable to get into his lungs as he panicked. He was having an anxiety attack, the worst one he had had in such a long time. Dipper sounded like a fish out of water, gasping for air that he couldn’t get. The crying made the attack worse, causing it to be exponentially harder for him to breathe at all. He was a mess of snot and tears, both dripping out from his face.

“Dipper. Shh...It’s okay.” Those strong arms wrapped around him again, making him calm down a little. He felt safe when Bill was here, like no one could hurt him, not even himself. “I’m here. I’m here.” The demon kissed his head of curls, trying to calm Dipper down, and it worked.

Soon, Dipper started breathing normally and was able to speak. “I thought he killed you.” He paused to gulp down more air before continuing, “I thought you were gone.” He started crying again, “Please don’t ever leave me again. I need you.” Once again, that suffocating feeling consumed the boy and his chest heaved as he tried to calm down for the second time.

“He won’t be able to touch me. I won’t leave you. I’m right here, Pine Tree. Everything will be okay.” Dipper turned around to hug Bill, burying his face into the other’s neck. Despite how wet that must have felt with all Dipper’s tears and snot, the demon didn’t even flinch, just pressed Dipper tighter against him. Dipper breathed in the demon’s scent, the smell making his body relax and feel at ease. Bill kept muttering reassuring words in his ear, making sure that Dipper knew that he wasn’t gone. 

“I love you…” Dipper admitted this so quietly that he wasn’t sure that the demon had even heard him until he responded.

“I know.”

“And I hate that I do. I want to hate you so bad. Why do you have to be so nice to me? Why can’t you let me despise you the way I should? Why do you make me care so much about you? That I wake up crying when you’re gone. Or that I’d kill my own family to protect you. Why?” Dipper lightly hit his fist against the demon’s back repeatedly, trying to hurt him but not able to put the energy in to do so. “Just let me hate you. It would make things so much easier.”

“There is no way you could ever hate me. Our souls are bonded and we were destined for each other.” Bill laughed, “You could try really hard but every time you’d come back to me. Beg me for attention. Even though that sight would make me very happy, I know you aren’t strong enough to leave. I’m nice to you because you are my world, Pine Tree. I would do anything, ANYTHING, to protect you and keep you as my own. Now that I technically own you, this feeling is only going to grow. I don’t share, you are mine and only mine. Since I’m an all-knowing demon, I’ll let you in on a little secret. We don’t choose who we will fall in love with, it just happens. If I could, I would torture you and your family for entirety but instead, I choose to love you.” 

Dipper was taken back by what the demon had said. Souls? As in soulmates? Those didn’t exist, did they? Then he registered the last part where Bill had once again said he loved him. Dipper wasn’t even sure how that could be. Demons couldn’t love-

Bill rolled his eyes, “Of course we can. Like how I love to murder. Or how I love to create chaos. Or how I love to have-” His voice lowered, “Sex with you. There are many things I love. It may be a human emotion, but even I can feel it.” 

Dipper’s cheeks flushed, “I don’t really understand.”

“You don’t need to. All you can do is trust in me and believe me when I say I love you. Because I do.” 

“Can you show me?” 

“Are you trying to seduce me, little tree?” 

Dipper’s cheeks got even more red and he nodded, pulling away from the embrace. He felt shy all the sudden, this intimacy feeling more real than it had before. He wanted to not have sex with the demon but make love. He knew that they were entirely the same thing, but the difference was that when they had sex it was fueled by power, hatred, dominance, pain, and was typically rough and passionate whereas Dipper’s idea of making love was gentle, slow, and romantic. It was a silly thing and he didn’t want to have to get into it with the demon, but it was the truth. The rough sex was nice and all but Dipper couldn’t help but crave the sweet idea of going slow for once. They had all the time in the world to experience with more kinky things but Dipper wanted a chance to experience the vanilla parts of sex. He knew that Bill could read his mind and he knew how Dipper was feeling, but he also knew that Bill wanted him to say his feelings out loud. To make his wishes known so that Bill could laugh at his embarrassment and shyness of talking about these things. Dipper had never had sex with anyone before Bill so all of this was new terroritority. 

“Use your words, Pine Tree or we are just going to do things my way.” 

Dipper squirmed, feeling that intense love rise up and he felt more self-conscious than ever. He felt so ashamed of his true feelings and really didn’t want to express them to the demon, someone he was already so vulnerable with. Dipper took a deep breath and avoided Bill’s eyes as he spoke sheepishly, “Can you make love to me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had INTENSE writers block this week. i tried so hard to get past it but it was just preventing me from writing anything I was happy with. i'm feeling a little soft and sappy this week, so this chapter definitely reflects that (well at least at the end)! i hope you enjoyed! i hope it brought you a little happiness in the midst of all the anxiety or stress you might be feeling. stay safe <3


	6. demons'll charm you with a smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor dipper, having mood swings and breakdowns...at least he can still have sex ;)

The night Dipper shared with Bill that night was one to remember. Even thinking about it made Dipper’s heart beat fast and his mind drift to his feelings of love towards the demon. It was everything he had wanted. Slow, romantic, gentle, and Bill did all of these things so perfectly. Dipper had thought that demon’s couldn’t express the human emotion of love very well, but he was so wrong. Bill told him how he fell in love with Dipper the moment he was born, how he watched him grow up and become someone so strong, intelligent, curious, and sassy, and how he was marked with the stars to make sure Bill would find him. Bill told him about how proud he was of Dipper’s growth and how good of a partner he would be for him (even though Bill really wanted to say slave, he resisted). Despite how much the demon likely wanted to push in fast and make things end quickly, per usual, he didn’t and rocked into Dipper slowly, making the moment last even longer. There were gentle kisses and little soft bites to remind Dipper of who loved him. And then Bill wrapped Dipper in his arms and held him until they both fell asleep. 

In the morning, Dipper awoke in Bill’s arms like he had promised and he was able to cuddle the other until they both had to go do things. Bill did not disappoint. Bill kissed Dipper goodbye and told him he would always be with him but if he needed Bill immediately for whatever reason, to press at the center of the carving on his chest where Bill’s triangle laid. That made Dipper smile and feel loved even more.

Now Dipper was sitting outside, under a small grove of trees near the house. It wasn’t deep in the forest, just on the outside so that he could see the shack from where he was. Well, so that his family could have eyes on him. Mabel had told them about the accident while Dipper was asleep, or at least he assumed, because both Grunkles gave him weird looks as he got breakfast. There was that awkward air that made Dipper go crazy. Neither of them wanted to say anything in fear that they would upset him. It was so annoying. So after a quick bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee, Dipper fled to the outside world to avoid them. He was drawing the view he was presented with, something he hadn’t done in awhile.

For hours, Dipper sat there drawing, feeling very happy. His mind kept drifting towards Bill and his sketchbook was reflecting that. He didn’t pride himself on his artwork, but the sketches of the demon looked pretty good, in his opinion. He had Bill’s face in his mind at all times so he felt like he had gotten all the features drawn just right. He also doodled a few versions of Bill in his demon form which made him shiver. It had been a long time since he had seen the other in that form, and he had almost forgotten what it looked like. How could he forget with that huge engraving on his chest? Somehow he had. It was as if triangle Bill and human Bill were two separate people in his mind, two people that could never be the same. How could the triangle version of Bill be the same Bill that showed him love and affection with gentle hands. His demon form always brought him immense pain and suffering. They couldn’t be the same person. Dipper was deep into his thoughts and didn’t hear the footsteps that had started approaching.

“Whatcha doing, Bro-Bro?” Dipper jumped, startling at the voice and looked up to see Mabel peering curiously down at his lap. Dipper’s heart raced as he realized what he had been drawing and quickly glanced down only to discover that the page had flipped to a previous drawing of the Mystery Shack. 

_ Thank you.  _ Dipper felt so relieved that she hadn’t caught him drawing Bill. If she had, he would never hear the end of it. She would run in and tell Ford and Stan, causing there to be so many issues that Dipper did not want to deal with. Dipper had the realization that Bill truly was always watching and looking out for him. It made Dipper fall deeper for the demon. Mabel coughed, once again alerting Dipper of her presence. “Sorry!” Dipper’s voice cracked, causing his cheeks to flush in embarrassment. He cleared his throat before continuing, “I was just drawing. I needed a little air.” 

Mabel smiled at him, “It looks amazing! I’m glad you are spending more time outside. Can I sit?” She pointed to the spot on the ground next to him and Dipper nodded. She sat criss-cross applesauce, grabbing the sketchbook out of his hands as soon as she was positioned in the right spot.

“Hey! Give that back!” Dipper tried to grab it out of her hands and pull it back to safety, but she was too speedy, managing to tickle him causing him to giggle and move away from her to avoid her touch. 

“Why don’t you want me to see? You hiding something? Like a crushhhh?” She taunted him and started to flip through the pages, continuing to push Dipper away every time he tried to pry it out from her grasp. “I saw you leave with Wendy the other day. She came downstairs looking pretty flushed.” Mabel laughed at herself, finding this way more amusing than Dipper did. 

“I do not like Wendy, Mabel. I’m not twelve anymore. Now give it back, seriously.” Once again she tickled him, making it increasingly difficult for him to get the book back. “Mabel!” Dipper couldn’t stop laughing even though he was so upset. Why did she have to ruin his day like this? She always ruined his life. Always. She was getting closer to the page with Bill’s face drawn all over it and Dipper knew he had to do something. When she reached her hand out to tickle him again as she turned the page, he grabbed her hand, twisting it hard.

“Ouch!” She cried out in pain, dropping the sketch book in the dirt. Dipper scooped it up, looking at the mud that had splattered onto the white pages with anger. 

“You have no right to touch my stuff!” He screamed, looking at the dirty pages in horror. What was happening to him? “Stay away from me!” The words slipped out of his mouth before he had the chance to stop them and he felt his body turning around and stomping off. It was as if he had no control over it. He can’t believe that he hurt her. Was her wrist okay? He felt so worried but also justified. He wanted her to be hurt for trying to pry into his life. She deserved that. He ran into his room, avoiding the looks of his Grunkles on his way up the stairs. 

He slammed his door, locked it, and fell onto the floor crying. His sketchbook was ruined. All his pictures of Bill were ruined. Not to mention the skilled drawings of flowers, various other plants, and creatures he had seen here and there. It wasn’t such a big deal but for some reason it felt like the world had ended. He opened in up to try to see if anything was salvaged, but it was completely destroyed. Dipper started to rock back and forth. He had endured so much but this was just bothering him more than anything else had. Why could something so small make him feel such strong emotions? 

“Dipper. Open this door right now!” Ford was screaming at him from behind the door, fist banging against the wood. Dipper covered his ears with his hands, trying to ignore his voice but it wasn’t enough. He could make out the angry words, “How dare you hurt her! What is going on with you? I swear if you don’t open this door, I will break it down. You have been avoiding me for days. I’m sick of it. I don’t want you under my roof if you are going to act like this.” 

Ford didn’t want him. He wanted him gone. They all did. He was nothing to them. Nothing. He didn’t want to face them, he just wanted to leave in peace. They clearly wouldn’t miss him. Dipper pressed his hand to the center of his chest, the spot where Bill had curved his symbol into his flesh. Before he could even take his hand off the area, Bill was there, scooping him up in his arms. 

“Pine Tree. What happened?” Dipper looked tearfully up at the demon, shaking his head. The demon actually looked angry, as if he was bothered that someone had hurt him.

“Please. Take me somewhere safe. I don’t want to be here.” Dipper knew that saying these words was dangerous and that he might have been overreacting, but another part of him was ready to leave. He told himself he would only be gone for a few days. Then he’d come back and face them. Explain himself, leaving Bill out of this. He just needed a few days away and then maybe things would be better. “Master, please.” And that was all it took.

Dipper’s head was spinning and he closed his eyes, trying to block the pain out. It felt like he had a headache that had built up in the span of days without easing. When he finally felt the pressure retreating, he opened his eyes and found himself still in Bill’s arms but in a whole new realm. It wasn’t the Mindscape and it looked a lot like his reality but it seemed different. The room he was in was covered in gold, which was overwhelming yet strikingly beautiful and elegant. He was utterly captivated and couldn’t stop looking around with his mouth opened in shock. “Where am I?” 

Bill carried him down a hallway and into a grand bedroom without responding, setting him down on a king sized bed. The blankets were so soft against his hands and this room felt bigger than the whole Mystery Shack. Bill smiled at his response, his gaping mouth and curious eyes darting around trying to take everything in. Dipper managed to close his mouth, as he was embarrassed that he was doing so and looked back up the demon with flushed cheeks, waiting for him to say anything. 

“This is my house, in a sense.” The demon sat down next to Dipper, pulling the boy into his lap. “Now, how are you feeling? And give me a reason why I shouldn’t kill your family that clearly disrespected you and hurt you. You deserve better than that.” Dipper could see the anger in his eyes, the way they glowed a slight red and how his nostrils flared slightly. It was charming how much the demon cared for him. But, he had to start talking or Bill might truly try to hurt his loved ones.

“I’m okay.” Dipper paused taking in Bill’s annoyed expression and how he seemed to want to say something, “No really. I’m fine. You came when I needed you.” Dipper grabbed one of the demon’s hands, squeezing it gently before letting it rest against his own. “It was just a bad moment. They are just worried about me. I had a meltdown and I couldn’t think coherently. All I could think about how I needed you right then and there.” Bill’s eyes softened as he said that and Dipper smiled a little, lips turning upwards before continuing to speak, “All I need is a two-day break. They weren’t going to hurt me. You don’t need to kill them because they didn’t do anything wrong. I’m physically just fine. I’ll talk to them after I feel like I can face them without being too emotional and if they are still treating me this way, we can talk about solutions. But please, don’t hurt them.”

Bill sighed. Dipper could see how frustrated the demon was and how he twitched, wanting to fight for Dipper. It was sweet. As Dipper was savoring the moment, it was ruined as Bill spoke. “What’s in it for me? If I can’t protect my property, it makes me a careless master. So, what is the price you’ll pay to stop me from killing your family who clearly wanted to hurt you. Even if you don’t have physical scars, you have mental ones that make me want to bash their skulls until they die. Tell me what I get in return for keeping your promise.” 

Dipper was annoyed by this; wasn’t it enough to have Dipper’s trust? Did Bill need a reason beyond that to do something for him? Dipper supposed it was because Bill was a demon that he wanted something in return. He had never actually seen Bill do anything without getting something in return. Dipper tried to think about what else he could offer. The demon already had his mind, body, and soul, what else was there for Bill? Anything Bill wanted from Dipper, he could take by force, so he felt like he was out of options. Dipper really didn’t want to be the one responsible for his family’s deaths. Even if they irritated him sometimes, well often, it didn’t mean he didn’t love them. It was just hard sometimes. 

“Tick tock, Pine Tree.” 

“Me.” As soon as Dipper said that, Bill started laughing at him, mockingly. 

“You? I already own you, pet. Every part of you.” His eyes got darker as he spoke, licking his lips as if Dipper was his meal he was about to devour. 

Dipper rolled his eyes, “I know. You didn’t let me finish. You’ll get me anyway you like. I won’t complain, I won’t fight, I will sit there and take it. You can do whatever dark fantasies you have and I won’t say a word. To make it better, I’ll let you do it for two days straight. You can force me to stay up without sleeping on those days if you want to have your way with me more than once.” Dipper slid one of his hands around the demon’s neck, kissing it gently as he reached down with the other one to cup the other’s growing bulge. “Is that good enough?” 

“You are such a sneaky, filthy pet, Pine Tree.” Bill grinned at him with all teeth, cocking his head to the side as he pondered the offer. “You really think you could handle me for two days with no complaining? I think I could break you in an hour. Here’s the catch, if you complain or try to fight, unless I tell you to, the deal’s off and I will immediately leave to go to your family, slitting their throats slowly, making sure they don’t die fast so they have to watch each other take their last breaths.” 

The idea of that happening made Dipper’s heart pound. It sounded like a horrible way to die. He would never want to be the cause of so much pain, but it was a risk he was willing to take. He had to protect them and if he couldn’t, he could never forgive himself. He had to try. He just had to. There was no other way. Dipper swallowed his anxieties and tried to put on a brave face. He had to pretend that he was okay with this. He would pray to a God for help, but he knew none would listen if they even existed. So he shook his head and forced himself to try to seduce the demon into making this work. Plus, in the end, Dipper was sure he would enjoy it.

Dipper shifted his position in the demon’s lap. He sat up, throwing his legs to each side of Bill, straddling him. It was weird to be on top of Bill because all he had ever learned to do was lie down and take it. Dipper smirked before giving Bill a little kiss, “Sounds like a perfect deal to me.” The demon tried to kiss back but Dipper put a finger to his lip, wincing when it was nipped at. “How about I give you a preview before we do things your way.” Bill peered at him curiously, hands twitching, obviously wanting to get his hands on the boy but trying hard to resist the urge. Dipper wondered how long the demon could last without taking the boy right then and there.

Dipper unzipped Bill’s pants with his teeth, bending down to do so. He was flustered because it took a few tries until he had successfully done so, but he pretended he had done it on the first try so he could boast his own confidence. He was never one to take charge and lead the way, but he had to prove to Bill that he was worth his time. Dipper reached up to Bill’s hips, pulling his pants and boxers down enough so that he could pull the demon’s cock out. Once again, Dipper couldn’t help but stare, his mouth opening and drool spilling out. It was so big and...beautiful. Dipper couldn’t wait to get his hands on it, which he did after a minute of admiring its size. 

He massaged the tip with his finger, smiling when he heard Bill take a deep breath in. It gave him the confidence to continue. Dipper tried to think of it as his own, like he was back at home masturbating in the shower before anyone woke up. That thought helped make it feel more natural and allowed him to relax, but Bill was much bigger than Dipper so it felt different. He tried to think about the movements he liked, but this was something new that didn’t respond the same way. It didn’t seem to matter though, Bill was breathing heavier and Dipper knew it was time to strike. 

Ignoring the rapid beats of his heart, Dipper bent his head down and started to lap gently on Bill’s cock. Dipper heard the demon mutter, “Fuck” and it made him feel proud. He started testing his limits, seeing how much he could fit in his mouth without feeling like gagging. There was no way that he could fit the entire thing in. It felt so awkward and Dipper felt like everything he did was wrong but still Bill reacted positively, enjoying himself. Dipper tried to not let his teeth get in the way, but it was hard. It was something he wasn’t used to. He continued but he could feel Bill getting impatient. It was only a matter of time before his little stunt was over. He tried to set a pace but every-time he got faster, he felt like he was going to throw up. 

Bill started to buck up into his mouth and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Surprisingly, he managed not to gag but it hurt and felt odd to him. When the tentacle was in his mouth, it felt easier. Maybe it was because it did all the work for him, the moving and the thrusting, making sure that Dipper did a good job. Or maybe it was because the cock was connected to an actual demon who was more experienced than he was. Still, Dipper persisted, finally starting to enjoy the heavy feeling on his tongue and the way he could make the demon moan above him. He started to use his hand to pump the rest of the cock he couldn’t fit in his mouth and that got a sweet reaction out of Bill. But, it wasn’t enough for Dipper. It was too slow and gentle, so he stopped his movements, his mouth making a popping noise as he moved off the cock. There was a string of saliva connecting from Bill to his mouth and that sight made him feel even more hot, his cock twitching in reaction. “Fuck my mouth, Master. I want you to feel good.”

And that was all it took before Bill bucked into his mouth as soon as Dipper’s lips were back around him. The demon had grabbed Dipper’s curls and practically shoved his head down so his mouth was on his cock once again. Bill didn’t let Dipper have anytime to recover and Dipper couldn’t help but be turned out. The lack of air missed with the rough treatment was exciting and fun. The moans Bill made were also something new that Dipper had never heard before. The blow-job was sloppy, drool getting everywhere but Dipper assumed Bill didn’t care because the pace never slowed. The hand on his hair would tighten once in a while and Dipper would moan, the vibrations going straight to the other only making it go faster. 

Dipper had no warning except a hitched breath before Bill spilled his release into his mouth. Swallowing the bitter fluid was not enjoyable, but Dipper forced himself to do it anyway, licking the demon’s cock a few times to clean it up all the way. Dipper looked up at Bill with flushed cheeks and eyes blown wide with lust. 

“Don’t make me start again.” Bill pushed Dipper’s head up, forcing his mouth to lift off, but it wasn’t empty for very long. Bill pulled Dipper into a deep kiss, not wasting a second before adding his tongue. Dipper still wasn’t used to kissing like this, but he let himself enjoy it, kissing back as well as he could. He was embarrassed that Bill wanted to kiss him after where his mouth had just been, but maybe Bill thought the taste of himself on Dipper’s lips was enticing. It wasn’t a long session, Bill finally ending the kiss after a few minutes, dragging Dipper off him and onto the bed, bodies still pressed against each other.

“Let yourself rest.” Bill made a motion, signaling for Dipper to get under the covers. Dipper crawled his way up the bed and slid himself under a few soft blankets and warm sheets. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten about the deal. I’m just being kind and letting you sleep before we get started.” Dipper grabbed Bill’s hand before the demon could walk away from him, sneaking his other hand out to reach around his neck and pull him into one last kiss.

“Thank you, Master.” Dipper’s face always turned a shade of pink when he said that name, not used to the title. It made Dipper squirm to be considered owned by someone else, especially someone like Bill, but he wasn’t sure if it was from the way it made him uncomfortable or the way it turned him on. Saying ‘Master’ was like putting himself in his place, to let Bill walk all over him, to submit. “Your kindness is appreciated.” Dipper let go of the demon’s hand, expecting him to leave immediately after. Instead, Bill bent down and gave him a peck on the cheek. 

“You never fail to surprise me, pet.” Bill straightened the blankets, making sure Dipper was comfortably cocooned. “Sweet dreams. The fun will start once you awake.” Dipper fell asleep, unsure what time of day it was, where he was staying, but mind flashing him images of the possible ways Bill would try to break him even more than he already had. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a little short but that's because next chapter is going to be ROUGHHHH, i just wanted to ease yall into it. thank you for reading! please pray for dipper because he's about to have the worst couple days of his life, or the best, however you want to view it lol


	7. no one's gonna hurt you, no one's gonna dare (except for me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, read the tags since i added a few new ones!

Dipper limped into the shack, hands shaking and head spinning from the blood loss. He thought he might have been crying but he wasn’t quite sure if the cause for the liquid on his face was from tears or fresh blood from wounds that had reopened. He shut the door behind him and looked around, wondering if anyone was awake. He didn’t make it very far before he heard a scraping of a chair and a loud voice yelling, “Dipper, is that you? Where the hell have you been?” Lights turned on at an instance and he heard someone scrambling down the stairs.

Dipper blinked at the harsh lighting and stumbled backwards a little, legs still feeling like sticks that could break at any moment. Dipper’s heart sank as he realized that he must have looked like a wreck. He wasn’t sure how much of his injuries were visible, but he was sure that they could see enough to raise concern. Dipper cursed under his breath, trying to figure out the best way to get out of this. He couldn’t exactly remember what had happened but there seemed to be no logical explanation to give to them.

** _Tell them you were fighting a creature that attacked you._ **

“I went on a little camping trip.” Dipper desperately wanted to sit down, legs aching but he knew that if they saw him limping, they would see past his lie. Mabel sat down at the end of the stairs, worry spreading across her face as she looked at Dipper. Stan entered, the sound of the TV disappearing as he came into the room looking exhausted. “I was only going to stay there a few days but there was a little issue on the way home.” He coughed weakly, feeling vomit trying to force itself up. He swallowed it back down. “I encountered a gremloblin and in my efforts to try to fight it off, it got a hold of me pretty bad. Don’t worry, I managed to avoid looking directly into its eyes, but it still did a number on me.” 

His family blinked at him as if debating if what Dipper was saying was the truth. He pressed his nails into his hand, forcing himself to stay grounded in this reality and not flip his shit. Mabel was the first to react. “Oh, Dipper. This is all my fault.” She started crying and stood up, walking over to him and putting her arms gently over him, embracing him in a hug. “I’m so sorry.” She didn’t seem bothered by the dirt and blood that transferred onto her clean pajamas and refused to let go as their Grunkles spoke.

“Are you serious, kid?” Stan glared at him, face contoured in anger. “You left without leaving a single message-not a text, not a note, not a goodbye-and then you turn up like this, fucked up and bloody and-” He sighed, running a hand through his hair, “I was worried about you. Don’t do it again. Your parents were worried sick and about to drive here. I really didn’t want that.” He walked over and ruffled Dipper’s hair before returning to the living room, the voices from the TV returning as soon as he sat down. 

Dipper winced and Mabel finally let go, eyeing him up-and-down for more injuries. She had become fairly good at first-aid once Soos had left. Soos had taught Mabel how to patch people up and she was decent at it. Dipper felt like he was being scanned as her eyes roamed over him. Luckily, she didn’t stare very long and turned to him with a serious look in her eyes. “You better clean all the wounds out. Make sure you disinfect them and wrap them up. If you need help, wake me up. I haven’t been able to sleep for days so I am going to crash now that I know you are safe, well, sorta safe.” She kissed his cheek and dragged herself upstairs, looking over her shoulder back at Dipper as she made her way to her room, worried that he might disappear again.

Dipper was left alone with Ford who was fuming. He hadn’t said anything to Dipper since his return, but he didn't have the chance until now either. They stared at each other, not breaking eye contact for a moment. Dipper didn’t have anything to say and ached to go upstairs and crash onto his bed. He had just spent a whole day almost dying and all he wanted to do was clean up and sleep. There was blood caked on him practically everywhere, dry and fresh.    
He was getting restless as the feeling of being uncomfortable and exhausted increased. Dipper glared at his Grunkle and asked, “Do I need to ask your permission to leave or can I go upstairs without having to talk to you?” 

This question only made Ford more angry so he stepped closer to Dipper. “Don’t talk to me like that. If you are going to be back in this house, we need to have a discussion, privately.” He grabbed Dipper’s wrist, ignoring Dipper’s attempt to pry his hand off and slip away from his grasp. Ford practically dragged Dipper down to his basement, grip tightening when Dipper retaliated and tried to escape. 

Dipper screamed, “Fuck you! I’m not letting you mess with my head. Let go of me! You have no right!” His shouts were ignored and he knew that Bill was watching him with amusement. Dipper didn’t have the strength to escape, he had used all his energy, from what he assumed, fighting earlier. He had already caused extreme damage to himself and the people he was attacking. He didn’t have anything left to give, he was utterly wasted. Grumbling, Dipper brought his free hand to his chest, pressing once again on the mark of Bill. 

When they had reached the basement, the door at the top of the stairs firmly locked, Dipper felt his control slipping. There was no use attempting to fight it off so Dipper let Bill take complete control, laughter starting to echo off the walls as he did so. Ford jumped, recognizing who the sound belonged to and turned around to face Dipper, but he was no longer in his grasp. Dipper watched the scene unfolding with disinterest. He was so exhausted. As long as he didn’t have to move he was content. 

“Bill, where the fuck are you?” Ford looked around the basement, heart beating rapidly as fear came over him. “What are you doing to my nephew?” 

“I don’t know if you really want to know that.” Bill appeared out of the darkness in Dipper’s body, eyes turned completely yellow and cat-like. The smile that appeared on his own face scared the shit out of him but luckily also scared Ford as well. He didn’t look human. He hadn’t had Bill take over his body like this since he was 12-years old and he had forgotten what it was like. Dipper’s interest peaked again and he ignored his eyes' attempts to close, forcing them to pay attention

“Let him go, Bill.” Ford started to walk away, to grab some sort of tool to defend himself but those tentacle-like creatures appeared from Bill’s shadow, slithering towards Ford and capturing him down onto his knees. Ford struggled against them, trying to get himself out, but they pinned him down on the ground. 

“Hmm…” Bill pretended to think about this before grinning from ear to ear again, “I don’t think I ever will. He’s mine whether or not you want him to be. You will never be able to take him from me.” A knife appeared in his hands, blade reflecting against the harsh lights in the room. “I should kill you for even grabbing his wrist like that. You shouldn’t touch my property. I don’t like how you touched him.” Bill walked closer, squatting down to his knees to look at Ford mockingly, knife pressing against the older man’s neck.

“You took him without his consent. You can’t have control of his body like this. He doesn’t want you there.” 

“Oh, Sixer…” Bill had a gleam in his eyes, one that was frightening and made Ford’s blood go cold. “How about I tell you something about Pine Tree?”

**Bill. No. **

_ You should have said, Master. I thought I trained you so well, pet.  _ “Your nephew begged me to make a deal with him. You want to know what for?” 

**Please. Master. Don’t do this.**

Dipper’s pleas fell on deaf ears and he wished he could stop what was happening. He tried to take control of any part of his body, with no success. “All for sexual pleasure.” Bill laughed at Ford’s horrified reaction. “Yes. Something so simple. In return I got access to his body, mind, and soul. You should hear how desperate he is for my touch, I barely have to touch him before he cries and spills all over himself. He lets me take him anyway he can and begs for my cock like the perfect little slut.”

“You’re lying.” 

The knife slid across Ford’s throat as a threat, drawing a little blood, not deep enough to hurt the man badly. “I never lie. Shall I tell you what we have done in our time together? How he can’t get enough of my cock?” Ford didn’t respond to this, eyes glazing over as if he wasn’t there anymore. Bill laughed and continued, “He let me tie him up and fuck him with these same tentacles that are holding you back. He sucked my cock without me even asking. I think I fucked him at least ten times this weekend. He’s insatiable and can’t get enough of me. He gets off even more if I choke him or if I cut his pretty skin. He loves the pain, did you know that? I’m sure you do because I’ve trained him to cut himself to feel better.” Bill snapped his fingers with the hand that wasn’t holding the knife against Ford’s throat and revealed all the scars on Dipper’s body to his Grunkle. “Do you see this? This is how much he enjoys it. He even let me carve into him, isn’t it beautiful?” 

Dipper couldn’t even move his mouth to yell at Bill, he was absolutely stunned. If he believed this wasn’t happening, it would be fine. He would be fine.  ** _Please. Let me forget. _ ** Bill seemed amused by this and spoke out loud, “Pine Tree doesn’t even care that I’m telling you this, as long as I make him forget it happened. I can do that in so many ways, but I think I’ll fuck him so hard he can’t get out of bed tomorrow. He likes that, the rough treatment. He could come from just imagining how I will feel inside him. If only you were more like him, Sixer. This pleasure could have been yours. But I like Pine Tree much better. Way more obedient and submissive. Now look at you. You have no purpose and you caused this pain on your own nephew. I hope you know that you could have stopped this years ago, yet here we are.” 

Ford whispered, “This isn’t real.”

Bill doubled over laughing, unable to catch his breath for a moment. “It’s real. And it’s all your fault. It’s amusing that you are trying to forget that I exist.” He slid his knife a little deeper, laughing at the way Ford tried to escape. “I won’t kill you yet. But it’s fun to watch you think I will.” He let go of Ford, pushing him down to the ground and kicking him in the chest, watching with a grin on his face as Ford doubled over, trying to protect himself. “You will never be able to get rid of me.” Bill forced Ford to look at him, using a tentacle to push his head up, relishing in the bruises that had started to appear on his face. “Pay attention, Sixer. This is something you won’t be able to forget.” Bill once again snapped his fingers and everything in the basement lit into blue flames. Ford watched with wide eyes, starting to cry as he was forced to see all his hard work disappear in an instance. 

“Don’t touch my property ever again. Or I might have to do something worse.” Bill nodded and the tentacles released Ford from their grasp. Ford scrambled to try to salvage anything, but it was too late. “We’re leaving.” 

Ford was sobbing hysterically, unable to even respond. Dipper watched in horror, guilt sinking into him. If he hadn’t angered Bill this wouldn’t have happened, if, if he hadn’t accepted this deal things would be better. He was horrible. This was all his fault. 

Bill walked his body all the way to his room before letting Dipper have control again. Dipper crashed onto the ground, body too weak to support itself anymore. He felt numb, like he couldn’t accept what had happened. Bill materialized next to him and grabbed his chin, lifting his head up to meet the demon’s eyes. “I told you there would be consequences.” 

“But, but.” Dipper tried to find the words, but he had none. Nothing he could say could make the demon understand. “Not this…” A few tears slipped down Dipper’s face and he looked at the demon with eyes full of sadness. 

“Pet, I control your life. I control what happens. You have no say.” Bill kissed Dipper’s forehead, “I know what’s best for you. You could never understand what you need like I do.”

Dipper’s eyes darkened with anger and he managed to push Bill off him, wiping the tears from his face and glaring at the demon. “I hate you.” 

“Oh Pine Tree…” Bill feigned sadness, a mocking frown on his face before grinning widely, “We both know that’s a lie. If only I cared. This will all be over soon. I know it can be easy for you to hate me when I’m not fucking you senseless.”

Dipper practically growled, but decided to keep his mouth shut. Instead of speaking out of turn-he wasn’t that stupid, he had known the consequences of that-he stood up, almost collapsing down on the ground in his effort to do so. Bill watched him with interest, seeming to enjoy the struggle for the moment, something Dipper knew not to count on. Dipper opened his bedroom door and ran to the bathroom, starting to feel his body slipping from his control as he made it to the sink. He couldn’t shut the door and he felt himself leaving his body as Bill took over. Bill looked into the mirror, forcing Dipper to stare at himself with those yellow eyes and manic smile. It made his stomach churn and he could feel bile rising. 

Dipper managed to take over control again, but the fighting led to things clattering all over the tiles and Dipper knew he needed to shut the door fast. He could hear Mabel’s footsteps approaching and he tried to reach for the door handle, but he couldn’t get there fast enough and before he knew it, he was taking a backseat on his movements and Mabel appeared in the doorway. 

“Nice of you to join us, Shooting Star!” Bill laughed at her blank expression that quickly turned into fear as she recognized the voice and the eyes that were facing her. Dipper screamed and realized that he had control once again because the sound escaped his mouth and he went to slam his head against the mirror. Bill took control once again, but Dipper’s attempt was not in vain because he watched as he hit the glass and the mirror shattered into pieces. Bill looked at their reflection, smiling at the sight of blood covering Dipper’s face and pushed off the counter, stepping on the glass and ignoring the slight pain that accompanied it piercing his skin. “Excuse us. Don’t worry you won’t remember this little outburst.” Bill touched the girl’s head and she walked back to her room as if nothing had happened. The mirror pieced itself back together with a wave of his hand and he walked Dipper back to his room. 

“I’m not sure where this fight is coming from,  _ slave. _ ” Dipper wanted to punch his own face. The demon had chosen that label because he knew it was the one that made Dipper hurt the most. “I taught you your place this weekend. If I recall, you enjoyed every minute of it. Do you need another reminder? If you are upset about what I told Sixer, get over it. I told you I was going to kill him if he touched you again, yet you were so adamant that I not, so I settled for the next best thing, creating guilt inside him that will consume him until he can’t think straight.” 

** _You betrayed me. _ ** Bill laughed at that and shook his head, “I didn’t promise you anything. Remember this? I own you and can and will control your life. You were becoming so obedient and perfect, why lash out? I think you forgot what I can do. Do you want me to go slit your sister’s pretty throat?” 

** _Bil- _ ** Dipper cut himself off, hoping the demon would forgive his little slip up.  ** _Master, please. Don’t. I’m...I’m sorry. _ **

“Are you really? I don’t think you are. You haven’t convinced me.” Bill forced Dipper to go back into his own body and materialized in his own again. “I think I shall make you remember the whole weekend. Clearly me making those memories a little easier on you made you forget who owns you.” Bill grabbed Dipper’s chin and smiled at the tears that once again fell. “Aw, it will be okay, slave. I’ll be right here for you.” Bill motioned Dipper’s to stand up and he listened, having only a moment of stillness before he was grabbed by the collar and dragged to his bed. “Lie down. I don’t want you to pass out.” It was a rare kindness that Dipper was shocked by. There had to be another price for the kind treatment. “You’re remembering I care about you. How sweet.” 

Bill sat on top of Dipper, straddling him as he forced Dipper to relax under him. Then, everything came back to him without any warning. Everything he wanted to forget…

________________________________________________________________________

Dipper woke up still feeling exhausted. He had no idea how this could be, all he did was give the demon a blow-job for heavens sake. Perhaps it was the fight with Mabel that was making him feel this way. Or the unknown bed he found himself in and all the new information to take in.

Dipper propped himself up on his elbows and looked around the room. It was dark and the only light was the one peering out from under the door. Dipper didn’t know if he was allowed to leave this room. If this was Bill’s house, he probably had secrets that he didn’t want anyone to find out about. Dipper’s stomach growled and he realized he hadn’t had any food since breakfast. Was that this morning or was it a new day entirely? He had no idea.

“Time is an illusion, my tree.” Bill had appeared out of nowhere holding a platter of breakfast. Dipper jumped slightly but relaxed as soon as he realized who it was. Dipper smiled sheepishly before glancing down at the food. It was one of his favorites: hot coffee, chocolate pancakes drenched in syrup, and a few pieces of sausage. 

“Is that for me?” Dipper asked, mouth watering at the smell and sight of such a delicious meal.

“Of course.” Dipper reached for the tray, but Bill shook his head, pressing Dipper back down onto the bed. “No, no. I’ll feed it to you. You don’t have to do anything.” Bill laughed at the human’s flushed reaction.

Dipper was so embarrassed, but he went with it. It could be enjoyable? He willingly opened his mouth and closed his eyes. In a moment the taste of chocolate and syrup was on his tongue. Dipper couldn’t help but moan. It tasted so good. It was the best food he had ever eaten. He opened his mouth for more, ignoring the demon’s amusement from this scenario. 

Soon, the food was gone. Dipper had consumed all of it. He hadn’t had an appetite like this in forever. It felt weird to feel so full. His stomach wasn’t used to it. For some odd reason, his cheeks weren’t cooling down at all. In fact, they were getting warmer every minute and he was sure Bill could notice how red they were. Heat pooled in his stomach and he could feel himself getting aroused. He groaned to himself as Bill disappeared again, probably to clean up the dishes. What was wrong with him? It was just being fed food! How on Earth could that be sexual! 

Dipper wanted to touch himself but he wasn’t sure if Bill would approve of that, so he resisted. He sat in bed, trying to take his mind off the arousal that was only increasing, but nothing helped. Dipper grabbed a pillow next to him, shoving it in his face to scream in, but as soon as he sniffed it, he moaned. It smelt like Bill. He couldn’t take it anymore. He was aching for the demon’s touch, but he was gone and Dipper was alone. And harder than he had ever been in his life. The heat was unbearable, so Dipper stripped, dropping his clothes carelessly onto the floor. 

Being naked didn’t solve how hot he felt, it seemed to only make it worse. Dipper let himself go, unable to sit by and do nothing about his current predicament. He flipped onto his stomach and forced himself to put his hands in front of him. If he wasn’t touching himself, he wouldn’t get in trouble, right? Bill couldn’t punish him for rocking on the bed. So that’s what he did. He started moving, moaning loudly at the friction. Dipper buried his head into the pillow, inhaling Bill’s scent. It made him pick the pace up, muffling his moans into the pillow as he grinded against the covers. It didn’t take him very long to come, the word, “Master” escaping his lips as he reached his climax. 

He breathed heavily, feeling drowsy from eating so much food then pleasuring himself, but his cock was still hard. His head was starting to get fuzzy and he couldn’t think about anything but his arousal. It was so annoying and he wanted to wish that it would go away but all he truly wanted was Bill to come in and fuck him until he passed out. He moaned at the thought of that and decided he didn’t care if Bill would get mad if he touched himself. Whatever punishment that would happen couldn’t be worse than how he was feeling right now. 

Dipper wasn’t sure where the lube was kept so he dragged his fingers against the sheets, covering them in his come. He wasn’t exactly sure what was the best way to do this but he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. He sat up and spread his legs wide before slipping two fingers in himself. It felt strange, nowhere near as good as Bill’s, but it seemed to make the aching lessen a bit. Dipper let himself adjust to the feeling before pushing them in and out of himself slowly. His fingers couldn’t find the spot that made him feel stars, but it still felt nice to have something in him. 

“Mmm...Master…” Dipper couldn’t think straight and everything felt like too much but not enough at the same time. He wished that Bill was here to make everything feel right again. Despite that, he continued opening himself wide, imagining himself preparing to take Bill’s cock. That was all he wanted. He moaned at that thought and stretched himself wider. All the sudden he felt lips on his neck and hands pinching at his nipples. It only made him moan loader and widen his legs more. 

“I was gone for only ten minutes.” Bill bit down on the boy’s neck and Dipper cried out, orgasming for the second time. It was too much, having Bill here and talking to him in that deep voice. 

“Master. Please.” Dipper didn’t really know what he was asking for, but he wanted something to make him feel full and satisfied. The burning wasn’t slowing down, only intensifying especially now that Bill was here. “It hurts.” Dipper whined and turned around, revealing his flushed cheeks and teary eyes. He went to unbutton the demon’s pants but his hands got pushed away. “I need it.” He felt confused, why wouldn’t Bill let him touch him? It was all he could focus on. 

“Pet, what has made you into this state?” Bill laughed at the squirming and reached down to bring Dipper’s cock back to hardness. He had just come but as Bill touched him like this, he couldn’t help to feel the need to release once again. “Let me take care of you.” 

________________________________________________________________________

Dipper had never experienced pleasure like he had those two days and nights. He didn’t really have anything to compare it to, but he was sure that this would be the best sex he would ever have in his whole life. He couldn’t imagine anyone making him feel so satisfied and content like Bill did. He was really ruined. How could he possibly love someone that wasn’t Bill?

As soon as Dipper awoke, Bill’s eyes snapped open and he looked at the boy with a grin. “How did you sleep? Your dreams were fun to watch.”

Dipper flushed and looked away, “You weren’t supposed to watch those.” Dipper had dreamt about sex again, it seemed to be the only thing on his mind these days. It was an interesting scene, one where he was dressed in a maid costume and lacy underwear. He didn’t think he was even into that, but he supposed he wasn’t sure what he was into. He had never thought about things like that. Bill laughed at Dipper’s expression and pinched his cheeks. Dipper pushed his hands away.

“We will have to explore that another time. We have a mission to do today.” 

“A mission?” Dipper was wondering what the demon was referring to. Maybe he was going to send Dipper back home. He could hardly call that an objective they needed to do, but that was the only thing that could be feasible in his mind. 

“Yes.” Bill ruffled Dipper’s hair and continued, “I mentioned I briefly, but I told you I would make you kill at some point.”

Dipper’s heart dropped and he felt himself going cold. His face paled and he scooted farther away from the demon’s reach. “Master, I can’t…you know I can’t. Please, I’ll do anything else. Please.”

“Save the begging for later. You can and you will. It is someone you have been thinking about hurting for a long time.” Dipper’s head was forced up and images of two boy’s appeared. They were the guys from school who made Dipper’s life hell. The ones who hurt him and degraded him constantly. Bill smiled at the bloodlust expression that flashed across Dipper’s face for a second before returning to a deep frown. “It will be easy. I do so much for you, this is the least you can do. I won’t let them hurt you. They would be too busy pleading for mercy and won’t dare to touch you. You’ll enjoy it. When have I ever lied to you? You know I’m right.”

Dipper felt his hands being grabbed and then fingers lacing between his own. A kiss was planted on his cheek, but Dipper was too busy thinking to react. There was no way he could get out of this. If he refused, harm would come to his family, to Mabel, to Stan, and possibly even his friends. If he complained, Bill would only laugh and force him to do it anyway. He had to do this even though the idea scared the shit out of him. He swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. “I’ll do it.” 

Bill lit up with joy and nuzzled the boy in response. “I knew you would!” Dipper couldn’t help but feel happy when the demon acted like this. It made Dipper feel like he had made the right choice and that someone cared about what he did. He knew that he could make it through this as long as Bill helped him. Bill described what Dipper was supposed to do and what method of killing they would do. Since it was Dipper’s first time killing someone, they had decided slitting their wrists would be the easiest. It would be quick and fast. 

Dipper was in the bathroom getting ready after their conversation and felt himself thrumming with nerves. He didn’t want to be a murderer. He really didn’t. He can’t believe he agreed to this. He was dressed in all black. Everything from the long sleeved tee, the jeans, the beanie, the shoes, and the socks were black. He looked at his reflection and his stomach dropped. He looked like a criminal. He felt like he was seeing a different version of himself, someone he didn’t recognize. Bill had told him that there would be a great reward after he did as he was told and that was the only thing keeping Dipper from leaving. Bill’s rewards were always the best so he was trying to focus on that rather than what he was going to be doing in an hour. He wasn’t sure how he was getting to California or what to expect at all. A knife appeared on the counter along with a sheath to attach to his belt loop. He quickly attached it and slid the knife into it and then walked out of the bathroom where Bill was waiting. 

Dipper shifted uncomfortably as Bill looked him up and down. He just wanted this to be over. Bill grabbed Dipper’s hand and forced his eyes to look into the demon’s. “Pine Tree, everything will be okay. You’ll love it.” Dipper was unsure whether he would or not, but he couldn’t help but relax slightly, tension leaving his body. If Bill was with him, he could do anything. Dipper took a deep breath before squeezing the other man’s hand and then they were on their way.

________________________________________________________________________

Dipper still wasn’t used to teleporting and held his stomach as soon as he felt his feet touch land again. He vomited onto the ground in front of him and groaned. Bill rubbed his back as he dry heaved, helping Dipper get up as soon as he was finished. Bill had a smile on his face as he was amused at Dipper’s reaction, “You’ll get used to it soon.” Dipper grimaced and bit his tongue to stop himself from something snarky back. He was really not ready for the events to come and he could feel himself getting irritable. 

Dipper looked around and saw the familiar houses and streets around him. This was his neighborhood in Piedmont. It looked exactly the same as when he left. Trees surrounded the houses, not pine trees, but oak and willow. The air was moist and warm, something he always hated. The bushes were plentiful and were perfectly groomed. He had forgotten what it was like to be around people who cared so much about their appearances. Every yard had perfectly groomed lawns with green grass and flowers. The streets were empty though, no people walking as the sun was already set and night had fallen. It was typical for people to be either partying it up somewhere far away from here or relaxing in their houses.

“Where are we going?” Dipper knew the way to his house but had no idea where the bullies lived. He didn’t even know that they had lived in this neighborhood. He couldn’t even remember their names. Dipper had tried to forget everything that had happened to him in highschool. It was hell and there was no point spending time reflecting on the worst 4 years of his life. 

“We are not going anywhere. You are going.” Bill disappeared but Dipper could still feel his presence. “Of course I’ll be here-” There was a tap on his head, “In your mind.”

Bill directed him to a house a few blocks down for Dipper’s childhood home. The house he was looking at was very large, at least to him. His house was tiny and barely fit his small family. This house, on the other hand, could house about 3 families of his size. It was perfectly groomed, not even a leaf on the grass. It was very tidy and there wasn’t even furniture on the front porch. Dipper looked at it in disgust. Of course the guy who beat him up for being gay had a rich life and probably never struggled with anything in his whole life expect for getting his parents attention. He wanted to burn the house to the ground. The thought of watching flames take everything away from the guy who made him want to die was very satisfying. 

** _That isn’t a bad idea. But unfortunately it would cause too much attention. _ **

_ And killing a person isn’t? _

** _We are going to make it look like a double suicide._ **

Dipper wanted to argue but there was no point in doing so, so he cooperated and said a quick  _ okay.  _ Dipper walked around to the back of the house, still a little distracted by how pristine everything seemed to look. Bill told him to focus so he forced himself to take his eyes off the beautiful ivy growing off the side of the house. He instead looked at the windows trying to locate which one was the one Bill had told him to enter. He spotted a window on the second floor with a sticker on it saying some local college where the guy must go to school.  _ Uh...how am I supposed to get up there?  _ It was pretty high up and there wasn’t anything around that would be useful to climb up. 

** _If I help you, it is going to cost something later. Or you can use your brain and figure something out. _ **

Dipper sighed and could feel anger simmering inside him. He mentally counted to ten and took a deep breath. Of course the demon wouldn’t help him just to be a nice person or anything. How annoying. There had to be a way to get up there. But, he did remember how weak  his body was as of late and it didn’t help that he was still sore from the activities prior to this night. It was better to just give and accept the repercussions.  _ Please, help me Master.  _

All the sudden Dipper was inside the house. It was dark and quiet, only the sound of the house creaking could be heard. Bill had transported Dipper to right where the guy’s door was and he could feel himself get anxious again. He didn’t want to face these guys again because he was scared of what he was going to do to them. Worse of all, he was scared that he would enjoy it. He had always wanted to hurt them but not like this. This was permanent. He would be ending their lives. Did they deserve that harsh of a sentence?

** _Yes. You had wanted to do it when you were younger, I don’t see what has changed now. They hurt you everyday and made your life what it is now. This is your chance to do something about it._ **

What Bill was saying was valid and made sense, but there was still a part of him deep inside that knew this was wrong and that he shouldn’t do it. But he didn’t really have a choice. If he didn’t, something bad would happen to his family for disobeying orders. He couldn’t let that happen so he mustered up the courage and quietly opened the bedroom door. There was no light but Dipper could see the shadows of the two men. One was laying on the floor and the other on the bed. He wasn’t sure who was who, but that didn’t matter. He could hear his heart beating loudly and wondered if it would wake them up. It was deafening to him and he was sure that they could hear it in their sleep. 

Dipper slid his knife out of its sheath and studied it, tossing it between both hands. It was the perfect balance of light and heavy, having enough weight to be forceful but not so much that it would be hard to use. It glimmered in the moonlight and suddenly Dipper realized that this was real. This was going to happen. There was no escaping this.

He walked over to the first sleeping body, careful to be quiet to not wake either of them up. He got closer and could feel his stomach churn. This was a real human that he was going to kill. Someone who had a future and friends and family who cared about him. 

** _Do it._ **

It was all too much. He couldn’t. He couldn’t do this. 

** _You can and you will. Dipper. Don’t test me._ **

He could feel his breathing getting faster and he knew that it was only a matter of time before he had a panic attack. He had to act now or it would be too late. Dipper covered the mouth and nose of the man in front of him, taking in how his eyes opened and confusion fell across his face. Dipper used his free hand to roll the sleeves up slightly before making the first cut on the left wrist. The man tried to scream but only muffled yelps were able to slip through Dipper’s grasp. Dipper looked at the blood that started to fall as he made the cut deeper and felt excitement building up at the sight. It was beautiful and fascinating and he couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face. He switched to the other wrist and proceeded to do the same. He remembered all the times this man had held him down while his friend proceeded to beat him up in the locker rooms, stealing his money and ripping his notes apart. It felt so good to finally fight back, to hold the man down and give him a taste of true pain. Soon, the body went limp signaling that the man had died so Dipper let go of him and pushed him onto the floor.

** **

He was about to move onto the main target when he saw a lamp turn on and strong hands pushing him down onto the ground. “What the fuck is happening!” The man shouted as he tried to stop Dipper’s movements. For a second, he felt like he was back in highschool and he couldn’t think. His head hit the floor with a loud thump and sharp pain accompanied the blow. He was frozen in fear and brought his eyes up to the other’s. They were full of confusion and an emotion Dipper couldn’t recognize, was it grief? “What did you do to him?” 

** **

When Dipper didn’t speak, the man punched him in the face and yelled, “Tell me!” Dipper didn’t want to rile the man further but he also didn’t want to speak and be caught.

** **

** _It would be amusing to see his reaction. But hurt him a little first. Make sure it's vicious. Torture him a little. I can dispose of this body and then it looks like he killed his friend and escaped. That would really ruin his family’s reputation. _ ** Dipper could practically hear the smile that followed those words. It was an exhilarating thought. The idea of hurting him just as bad, no worse, than what he had to Dipper.

** **

Dipper felt a smile spread across his face before he could stop it. The man’s grip on him loosened as he was puzzled as to why Dipper could be so happy. Dipper took advantage of his confusion and pushed him off from on top of him. He grabbed his knife again and threw it at the man, laughing when he groaned in pain. The knife had hit his leg and he crumpled to the floor next to his friend. “What the hell! Who are you!” The man was crying and it was such a satisfying expression that Dipper wanted to destroy his body further.  _ I need another knife.  _ In response a copy of the same one that was lodged in the man’s thigh appeared in Dipper’s hands which caused the man to grow silent as he realized that Dipper had to be otherworldly. 

** **

Dipper walked closer to the man and grinned as recognition spread on his face. “I finally managed to make you speechless. I’ve been waiting for you to be quiet ever since you used your mouth to say such vile and horrible things to me.” The man tried to speak and Dipper grabbed his face, keeping still as he brought the knife up to the man’s lips. “Shhh...you don’t need to say anything. You wouldn’t want your tongue to catch the end of my blade, would you?”

** **

“Fuck you.” The man’s face was still pale in fear but anger filled in his eyes as he looked back down at the body next to him. “I always knew you were psychotic, Dipper, or should I say fa****.”

** **

“I don’t like that word.” Dipper kicked the man’s thigh where the knife was still in place, laughing when he screamed. “I think your tongue would look better on the floor. What do you think?”

** **

“You wouldn’t, you wouldn’t dare.” The man was stammering, nerves finally getting to him as the pain in his leg was taking over his senses. 

** **

“Oh, but I would. I mean how many times did you lead kids like me to attempt suicide because of what you said to them? Should we analyze that? You having the ability to speak is worthless. No one else deserves to hear what you have to say.” Dipper forced the man to open his mouth despite his attempts to move away. All it took to get him to submit without biting Dipper was another kick to the thigh. Dipper smiled at how easy it was and used one hand to hold the tongue still while the other held the knife. When the blade got closer, Dipper could feel the man trying to escape again making it increasingly difficult.  _ Master, can you keep him still?  _ That was all it took for the head to be still allowing Dipper to cut through the tongue, which took more effort than he thought would. It disappeared in Dipper’s hand but the blood coming out of the mouth didn’t stop. 

** **

Bill must have let the man have control of his body again because screams were still able to escape but they were pained and quiet because of the lack of a tongue. Dipper released his hold on the man and laughed when he clutched his head in his hands. One hand went to his mouth and held his bloody hand in front of his face in horror. He tried to get up and attack Dipper, but Dipper was quicker and the blood loss started to hit, making the man pass out.  _ This won’t do...can you wake him back up? There’s still more I want to do. _

** **

** _Gladly. _ **

** **

The man’s eyes opened once again and he looked up at Dipper in fear. Dipper slid his blade against the man’s throat and smiled, “You fell asleep for a second there. I thought you wanted to enjoy this moment with me.” The man shook his head causing the blade to break the surface of the skin on his neck. The man’s face was contorted in pain and he kept still not wanting to make things worse. “Good, you’ve learned.” Dipper was enjoying the rush of adrenaline that came from the power he felt and from the fight earlier. It felt so good to be in control of someone else. To make them feel the agony that wracked his soul for over a decade. This man didn’t deserve anything less than a death full of suffering and torment. 

** **

Dipper reached down and grabbed the knife that was in the man’s thigh, pulling it out slowly so that the pain would be insufferable. The reaction was worth it and right before it was all the way out of his flesh, Dipper pushed it back in without relent. Without his tongue, the screams weren’t very loud and weren’t very satisfying, but it still felt good to inflict so much pain. Dipper pulled the knife out quickly and stabbed it into the other thigh repeatedly. Blood was getting everywhere: on Dipper’s hands, face, clothes, the floor, the ceiling, the man’s body, but still it wasn’t enough. Dipper heard laughter and it took him a second to realize that it was his. 

** **

Soon, there was no reaction from the man and Dipper realized he must have died from the blood loss. Dipper hadn’t even noticed, too busy enjoying the way the knife slid in and out of the flesh. It was fascinating to watch and Dipper was too caught up in the sensation of killing another human. It was exhilarating. But as he sat there, finally setting the knives down on the ground next to him, the weight of what he had done hit him. 

** **

“Fuck. Fuck.” Dipper looked down at his hands and swallowed a sob that started to rise up. They were coated in blood, barely any pale skin visible from the thick coating. It was dark red and he noticed the shaking starting to wrack his body. “What have I done.” Dipper couldn’t contain his tears anymore so he let them flow as he tried his best not to throw up on the body-no bodies-laying near him. He felt arms around him before he heard the voice that came with them. 

** **

“You did so good. I’m so proud of you. There’s no need to cry.”

** **

“You don’t understand. I’m...I’m a monster.” 

** **

“Oh Pine Tree, you’re perfect.” Bill made Dipper turn around and cupped his head in his hands before giving him a peck on the lips. “Who cares what people call you, that is the least of your worries. You can just dispose of those who judge you. What you did was rational. These men hurt you for years and you sat there and took it. They had it coming. You had to finally fight back and end this chapter of your life. There’s nothing wrong with what you did.” 

Dipper sat there speechless. There were no words that could explain how he felt and how much he hurt. There was nothing he could say to make himself feel any better. There was only one thing he could do that could. “Master.” Dipper looked Bill directly in the eyes and proceeded to speak, “Please, please, don’t make me remember all this. I can’t take it. I can’t...please. Please. I beg of you.” The waterworks started again and he had to tear his eyes away to shield them from the demon’s view. 

“Why would I do that?” Bill tapped Dipper’s chin, forcing the boy to meet his eyes. “If I make you forget, then I’d have to start all over in training you to be the best pet a master needs. Do you understand that?” 

Dipper grabbed onto the end of Bill's coat, holding on for support as if it was the only thing keeping him grounded in this reality. He had to convince Bill to let him forget. He had to. “What do you want me to say? There’s nothing else I could offer you.” 

“There’s always something you can give me. But, if you can’t think of anything, it is time for us to leave. I’ll give you ten seconds to wrack your frail mind for something that you might be able to bargain with.” 

Dipper wished the demon would give things to him for free. Why did there always have to be a cost? Why? He wished that he had never made a deal in the first place. The deal meant nothing to him. The pleasure wasn’t worth it. Not for this. How could he be so stupid? There was no way this story could end happily. He couldn’t foresee any future where he was happy with Bill. It would always be like this. He had no purpose to the demon besides being an obedient little dog. Was this the life he would live until he died, well until the demon got bored? It wasn’t worth it. He didn’t want this life anymore. He didn’t like who he was becoming and how much he enjoyed hurting the people who laid cold on the floor next to him. This wasn’t him. He had to think of something, something to get him out of the misery he was experiencing. 

“Nine, te-”

“Stop. I have something.” Dipper pushed the demon off him and stood up on shaky legs. “Let’s fight. If I win, if by some miracle I am able to pin you down onto the ground, you will make me forget all of this. You can use my body to kill but after each time, you will erase that memory so all I know is happiness. If I do something out of line, you have blackmail to use on me so I behave.” 

Bill looked amused at this suggestion, a small smile creeping on his face. “You never fail to surprise me. This is why I’ve kept you so long. You are very interesting.” Bill’s usual cane appeared in his hand and he grinned, baring all of his sharp teeth to Dipper. “I will agree to this, only because it’s something entertaining, but if you fail, there will be punishment for defying me. Do you understand?” 

Dipper nodded and picked up his knife on the ground, gripping it tightly before attacking. Bill had expected the blow and hit Dipper away with one swipe of his cane. The pain came quickly and Dipper groaned as he was knocked to the ground. He saw Bill coming towards him, slapping his cane against his palm and laughing. This was all a game to him. Losing wasn’t an option for Bill Cipher, but Dipper wasn’t going to give up now. 

He ignored the way his lungs ached and how it felt like every breath made the pain worse. His ribs ached and felt like they were caving in. Still, he stood back up and faced the demon. He was determined to at least get a few blows in. Bill was stronger than him in every way but Dipper was fast. He could at least escape the deadly attacks and do his best to at least get a scratch on the other. Dipper lunged at Bill, knife piercing the demon’s skin before bursting into flames. Dipper flinched and moved back, cradling the hand that got in direct contact with the fire and winced. 

“Face it Pine Tree, you will never be able to touch me. I’m invincible. If you bow down on your knees, I might consider pretending this conversation never happened.” 

“I’m not giving up that quickly.” Dipper grinned, adrenaline starting to flood his senses and making the pain dissipate. He could do this, he could. Bill stood there eyeing Dipper and his movements but not willing to make an attack unless it was necessary. Dipper understood that he wouldn’t fight him unless Dipper attacked first. He could use this to his benefit. 

Without the knife, Dipper felt weak and vulnerable, but he still had another one on the floor somewhere. If he went for it, he wasn’t sure if Bill would hurt him. He had to risk it. Dipper sidestepped over to the other knife and picked it up as Bill laughed at him.

“That won’t do anything.” 

Dipper instead of responding, he moved towards Bill, knife lowered but gaze still fixed on the demon. He grabbed Bill’s arms, restricting his movements so he couldn’t hit Dipper with the cane. It worked for a second, Bill struggling to break free but then he was able to get out of his grasp. He went for Dipper’s leg, hitting so hard Dipper could feel it blow out. He gasped out in pain and shoved the knife into Bill’s leg when it came into his reach, earning a startled moan in response. Bill recovered quickly, laughing in amusement before pulling it out and studying it. “A new tool for me to use? How thoughtful.” The wound closed up as soon as the blade was out of the leg. 

Bill knelt down next to Dipper and slid the blade against his cheek lightly, drawing only a little bit of blood. Dipper was too distracted by the pain throbbing in his leg and he could feel himself crying again. “Oh, did I hit too hard? I forget how fragile you humans are. How about I mark you up a little bit more?” Dipper shook his head no but was ignored as the blade was dragged down his chest, shirt being torn in several areas. Bill used his free hand to lift Dipper’s shirt up and Dipper shuddered at the cold air hitting his skin.

“Please don’t. Master, please!” Dipper left one hand cradling his knee and tried to push Bill’s hand away with the other hand. A hand gripped his wrist and twisted it hard, making it fall down limply. The pain radiating from his hand was nothing in comparison to his leg, but it still made him wince. 

“I gave you a chance, it’s not my fault you failed. You knew there was no way you could win yet you still tried. It’s quite adorable.” The knife pierced his stomach and he felt himself slipping away from this reality. It was too painful to be fully immersed in it. The cuts seemed never ending but the pain was dull as Dipper felt himself leave his body. He knew he was still technically there but this was the best way to endure the torture. Bill seemed annoyed that Dipper wasn’t giving him satisfying reactions or screams so the cuts were getting deeper and more plentiful. There were slashes on his legs, his arms, his back, everywhere that Bill could reach. Dipper could feel himself start to pass out due to the blood loss but as soon as he did, Bill would force him to wake up again. The dissociation helped but it didn’t take him away from the experience entirely. 

Bill’s eyes were angry and red making him look like an entirely different person. It scared Dipper to death. He hadn’t seen this side of Bill for a long time. The last time he could remember him getting this mad was when Dipper was 12. It was absolutely terrifying. Dipper wasn’t sure if it was minutes, hours, or even days when the slashes finally stopped. Bill stared down at Dipper with a dissatisfied expression, but there was also a hint of what Dipper thought was guilt. Bill dropped the knife and grabbed Dipper’s head, holding it in his hands and taking in the numb expression on his face. Bill swore and muttered a few words causing Dipper to fade away completely. 

____________________________________________________________________________

Dipper was aware of tears on his face and the simmering anger in his veins. Dipper couldn’t believe what he had done but he also couldn’t believe what Bill had done to  _ him.  _ Bill was supposed to protect him. Not hurt him like this. But why had he made him forget? Why did he feel bad for what he had done. It didn’t make sense. “Bill.” Dipper croaked the name out, bringing his eyes back to the demon’s. “Bill, it’s okay-it’s okay.” It wasn’t but he had to pretend it was, that was the only way he could survive. “Come here, please?” 

Bill, who was already on top of the boy, shifted down to wrap Dipper in his arms. “You know I had to do that, right. I didn’t want to, I had to. You disobeyed me. But, your punishment is not over yet.” Despite those words, Dipper could feel the cuts in his arms sealing and he was puzzled by this action. “I am going to take you away. Pack a bag. We are leaving.”

Dipper froze, body tensing up at these words. He wasn’t ready to leave, it wasn’t time. “No, no. I can’t! Please, please, not yet.”

“I have already been so kind to you yet still you sit here trying to defy me. Don’t make me hurt you further. You are testing my patience, Pine Tree.” 

“Master, I know I’ve been bad. But, please just hear me out.” Dipper saw the red in the demon’s eyes fade away as he stared back at the boy who started to sit up. “Give me two weeks. That’s all I need. I need to enjoy time with them before I have to go. I’ll do everything you say. I’ll be so good. If you need me to kill again, I will. If you need me to collect materials, I will. Say the word and I will go out and do things for you. But, I need to stay here for a while longer otherwise I won’t be able to be of any use for you.”

“I am getting quite bored of the same argument. The same pleas. You are supposed to entertain me. You have to do better than that.” 

“I’ll let you brand me.” That seemed to peak the demon’s interest so he continued, “Tattoos, piercings, anything permanent you want to do. That way everyone will know I am yours, that I am your property and nothing else. You can display me however you want as well to prove that. Just please, please, let me have this. You won’t regret it.” 

“I could do that to you anyway and you wouldn’t be able to complain, but I do like hearing you ask for me to mark you everywhere so that people know that you are taken.” Bill scooted off Dipper and got off the bed, standing at the edge. “I find this agreement satisfactory, but if you even think about disobedience again, I will mark you as mine wherever you are and take you home with me after I finish. Do you understand? Do we have a deal?” The blame flames danced around the demon’s palm as he stuck his hand out for Dipper to grab.

“It’s a deal.” The flames licked up Dipper’s arm as he shook his Master’s hand and he had to stop himself from flinching away. “I won’t forget your kindness.” 

  
With that, the demon disappeared in a flash of smoke and Dipper was left alone, blood finally dried instead of flowing and his leg not hurting nearly as bad. He wasn’t ready to leave his family yet even though they were jerks to him most of the time and bothersome. The idea of no longer having freedom was suffocating and he could feel his anxiety rising up. But, this was his reality and there was nothing he could do to change it. Or was there?   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed! there's not too many more chapters left of this fic, but i will include a bonus chapter of the sexy times bill and dipper have in this chapter haha. i feel so bad for dipper, he can't decide whether he loves this demon or not...and tbh neither can i! thanks for reading, please stay safe out there! <3


	8. Chapter 8

Hi everyone!! I really appreciate all your support and your kindness. This was my first fic after not writing fan fiction for years. After not writing for awhile and being unhappy with my chapters, I have decided I am going to redo this whole fic. It will be under the same title but it’s going to be slightly different. I’m excited to rework it and be happy with my writing. Whether you decide to leave or stay, thank you for taking the time to read, comment, and even leave kudos You all are amazing 💗

**Author's Note:**

> just feeling sad lately so decided to write a little bit. maybe this will go somewhere, maybe not! but thanks for reading! also this is not edited at all because who can i ask to read my weird thoughts??


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